HopeNope for mythoughts: Just checking in.

Hi. For Karen and all others who followed my major depressive episode last March, here's an update:
XMas 2008 - panic attacks, horrible depression, began escitalopram.
March 2009 - hospitalised for 3 wks for  planning.
April to May - DBT (Dialectical behaviour Training) through hospital out-patient.
June to present - see MSW to help manage anxiety and depression.
Oct to present - see Dr (GP who only does psychotherapy), changed to citalopram, and added bupropion (Wellbutrin XL).

Only when I hit rock bottom was I ready to change, and only by admitting my sucidal plans did the mental health 'doors' open up for me.

30+ years (since childhood) of anxiety, intense obsessing, low self esteem, fear of rejection, seemed to have caused my dysthymia, and my several major depressive episodes (including one past attempt, almost successful, and several plans). So I saw myself as a depressed person, which worsened my anxiety, et cetera. Perceived rejection from a woman, or in my occupations, were powerful triggers.

Interventions were a combo of meds and therapy.
I've made incredible changes in my thinking and responding. Techniques learned, and regular support from my MSW, were key. And the bupropion (causes me to increase dopamine) coats my feelings with Teflon. I don't overreact inside to any negative comments, even from my wife. I still feel sadness, hurt or irritation, but don't become consumed by them.

I was amazed at how quickly and effectively bupropion worked. It's not a 'fix', but it makes my daily emotional rollarcoaster easier to manage. I'll be on it, and citalopram, for another year or so, practising the management of my anxiety, obsessiveness, esteem, and depression. I'll stop when I can do it on my own.

Every day is a struggle, and thoughts of  occasionally creep back. Some days are easier, some not, and other days I have to drag myself through. Yet I have hope.

Depression is so misunderstood by those lucky enough not to have it. But I don't care if they don't get it.

Thanks for reading and responding to my posts. This site was important to me, especially during last March, my darkest hours.

Karen, I hope your journey has been good of late. If Raniah is back, then thanks again for your support.

To all, Happy New Year!

I wish you all well.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/1/2010 10:24:18 PM (GMT-7)

Hi Mythoughts,

Glad to see you posting and possibley feeling better, I am glad that the bupropian is helping you.  It is a daily struggle dealing with depression and I think we all need a little help now and then.

I have been working hard with this job that I have.  It is peak snowmobile season and they all come in to get gas.  I was in one spot on my feet for 8 and a half hours straight.  It was rough.  This morning I was so sore that I could hardly walk.   Thinking about taking a couple of the winter months off since it is so hard for me. 

I lost my dog a month ago.  We had to ahve her put to sleep.   But I am going to get another pup in March.  So I am looking forward to that.  I really miss my dog.  She was such a loyal companion. 

I hope that things continue to go well for you and that you are able to constantly move forward with your life.  As I always say, one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen

Thank you Sandi,

She was kind of a rescue dog too. If I wouldn't have taken her she would have went to the pound. She was a beautiful german shepherd, I am getting another one in the spring. I know that I can't replace my Dharma, but hopefully I can have a bond with the new one.

Hugs, Karen

Dharma loved the snow too.  She loved to catch snowballs and have you throw it on her.  I wish I could put a pic of her on here but I don't know how.

I still have one dog, she is pittbull and australian cattle dog.  She is 13 years old and still going strong.  Her name is Chance.  I rescued her from my neighbors, they neglected her badly.  I finally took her.  I had three dogs at that time.  I hate when they die.  It is so sad, but I am excited about getting a new pup in March.

Great talking to you and reading your post.

Hugs, Karen

PS I am sorry that your SO is terminally ill.  If you would like to talk about it, feel free to start a thread and we can discuss this.  We are stealing Mythoughts thread, but I don't think he would mind.

Thank you, Karen, Jaimee and Sandi. I wish you all well.