This is not depression because I don't know where else forum to talk in, but I'd hope you'd listen.

DH,
It does sound like you have a lot of confusing thoughts & it might be helpful for you to talk with a counselor about them. I am a bit confused though about why you think that homosexual guys don't work hard to look good for other men. Granted, I am neither gay nor male, but I have had some friends who were and honestly they spent quite a bit of time in front of the mirror & at the gym & at the clothing stores. I am not at all generalizing that all gay people are like that. But not all hetero teen girls worry about looking good for guys either.

Being in high school can be tricky sometimes. But on the upside, wrestling with all those issues is what will determine how you choose to live your adult life. Sometimes that means choosing one side or the other (choosing to spend time on one's appearance in order to get compliments -- or -- choosing to focus on other aspects of one's life like school or service work in order to find a different type of success), but other times it can mean finding a balance between the two (for example, spending a limited amount of time on appearances to allow for some extra time to do other things, which might allow for some compliments about outward beauty and some comments about one's inner beauty/strength/smarts). I can't really say what the right choice is for you. Just know that any healthy person struggles with those choices. The wise ones figure it out while they're still young. But there are plenty of people in their 40's & 50's who still struggle with wanting compliments vs. wanting to avoid the feeling that it is all so petty. Try to remember that when you feel pulled in two directions. Somehow you will work things out.

And I'm sorry about the guy who was so hurtful in breaking up with you. They're not all like that. All I can offer you on that front is to take some time to be sad, and then get back out there & start dating again. Each relationship brings you one step closer to that great guy you're hoping for. ;)

sweet dreams,
frances

male-female, we are human beings, we eat, bleed and breath. we live, we learn, we laugh, we cry and we die. gender, well we are who we are. me i am male, 37. i am complex, compassionate, depressed, loving, extremely academic, i am intrinsic, albeit i am me, with all of my eccentric ways. i am human. even in this hectic world i am me, this is all that matters. life is a journey, moreso to find our place, me my path is on evolving compassion to all, i strive to always learn, about me, about others; this life is, therefore so am i, a partner on the road, a road of knowledge, thus i be, i be me, the rest.............for you, be you, on a journey of discovery of truth and one of continued self discovery. jamie

Darlene,

Welcome to healing well. I removed your signature as it led to a website that costs money. So please take it out of your posts. It is a form of spam.

I hope that you continue to post, is there anything we can help you with? Are you depressed? We are here as a support group for depression.

I hope that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen

So, I really wanted to comment here... I hope that you can perhaps email me and we could talk that way, as to not take up so much space on here talking about this. But, I know exactly where you are coming from. And there is nothing wrong with your brain or anything. And its not a stupid thing to think just because you are a girl.

I have struggled with my sexuality for as long as I can remember. Growing up with brothers and guy friends... I didnt really pay attention that I was a girl. Or that I was any different from them. Then, when high school comes along and there are so many "expectations".. thats when things got SO complicated for me. I dated guys. And I enjoyed it. Sometimes it was weird I think... but then I just stopped dating altogether. Next thing I know, I fell for a girl. And another girl.. and so on. My best friend (who is a girl) was secretly in love with me. All my friends knew, but I didnt know until she finally told me. It was nice to have someone say they loved me and wanted to be with me forever and I could not have asked for a better person.... but, after dating some, I felt like it was weird. Im still not sure if its because we had been friends so long or because she was a girl. But, when we dated... I thought abt dating guys. I still am. For over a year now I have lived as a gay female. Exclusively. However, I felt that if I found the right guy then I would go down that road..

I understand exactly what you are saying about looks. If you are interested in guys, and you are a girl, you feel like you have to dress all girly and be pretty and everything all the time. However, if you were a guy, it is a little easier to "look good" for another guy. For example, Im a girl, but I dont wear makeup. Thats one less thing I dont worry about. I dont dress girly. I do dress like a guy, but I also dress nice, like a guy. I do spend a lot of time "looking good" which involves me spending a lot of time in the bathroom with hair gel and such making it look perfect! lol... It just seems easier for a guy to look good than for a girl. Because for a girl there are so many different things to consider. Hair, makeup, nails, tight jeans, low cut shirts, jewelry... etc.... A guy worries about his hair, putting on his jeans, and putting on a shirt, a spray of something nice smelling.... etc whatever. It just the steriotype that the American society has created.

Looks arent so important though. More importantly, I understand what it feels like to want to be a guy. I have often thought my life would be better if only I were a guy. I wouldnt take it so far as to have the surgery, because I want my own kids... but everything else I would change to be a guy. Its hard to figure out exactly what you want and what is right for yourself. I still struggle with this. Im liking guys more now.. and Im a girl.. but, I feel more like a guy.. and its hard to find someone to be with who is okay with that situation, but its not impossible.

If you want to talk more about this, feel free to email me. My address is in my profile. I dont mind at all. Also, I would encourage you to talk to a counselor. They can be helpful. They dont tell you what to do, but they can help sort things out... So, anyways, I hope this helps... to know that you are not alone and I am here to talk if you want or need to. Take Care