This is stupid.

1. you are not pathetic.
2. you are not a jack-ass.
3. your friends don't fully understand-i hope hey will with some education.
4. depression sucks-but there are ways to eliviate it
5. you are human, and sadly depression does not discriminate, sadly people assume that the reason(s) for depression are because of things going pear shaped, this is not true. it come come about and affect us for many reasons, some we learn about via therapy, something i suggest and ofcourse because of chemical imbalances in the brain. sadly they go hand in hand, but with effective treatment you will get better.
6. my suggestion to you is to see your doctor for a assessment, there are many effective treatments to help you fight your condition.
7. you are young also, thus a medical may be warranted also, hormones, puberty, etc. i had trouble in this area myself, thus getting things checked out will help.
8. depression is an insidious beast, thus whilst your young i would strongly suggest that you seek a medical professional for an opinion, assessment, and for management also. i wish you well. with compassion, jamie

I really do not want to go to a counselor/therapist- Mainly because our family is very poor, and we cannot afford it. I had one when my parents were getting divorced, but that was when we were getting child support from my wealthy father, and he somehow managed to weasel his way out of it.

Is there any steps I can take on my own to try and get better? If there isn't, or I do those steps and there isn't any improvement, I'll talk to my mom about it, but we're living on $12 an hour (even though my mom has a bachelors and had a 3.99 in college), and really cannot afford anything like that.

depression sucks, albeit you need to fight it. keep posting, we care and understand depression. jamie.

Bravery,
First off, let me say that having taught high school, it's quite common for people to change friends for a while and people who used to be part of one group end up alone for a while until they are able to join another group of friends (and then often enough they eventually end up reconnecting with the first group of friends). So please don't credit everything that's happening to feeling sad/depressed. High school is a time of a lot of changes. I really struggled with it myself. I was sure everyone hated me for quite a while. Then I figured they didn't actually hate me -- but they didn't seem to spend any effort trying to include me. Times were tough. My home life was awful - I was beaten on a daily basis, sometimes to the point of broken bones. And trying to be happy at school seemed pointless & impossible.

Honestly, I don't feel like I ever really figured things out, but in spite of that I was in my senior year given an award by my peers that basically was for the person you most appreciated out of my class of 300. I guess I just kinda kept involved in what I could & somehow it worked out. My parents wouldn't allow me to see a counselor because they were worried I would tell the counselor about what was going on at home. So I went to the library and read a lot of books about psychology. My favorite was "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. He is a concentration camp survivor & a psychologist who talks about how to survive difficult times & maintain a connection with other people and/or your higher power.

I think the others gave good suggestions about finding a psychologist, but if you are not able to do that for whatever reason, I would still encourage you to try to read about how other people have managed situations similar to your own. You are going through a lot with your parents' divorce & your mom not being able to find a good-paying job (I know the feeling) & probably a number of other things you haven't yet mentioned. But there is hope. People do survive horrible situations. They do go through times where they feel really down & hopeless, and come out of the situation successful and truly happy with their lives.

Keep hanging in there. Try to stay connected with your friends (though perhaps another outlet for your depressive thoughts might be good -- a teacher, a counselor, a minister/rabbi, your mom, or even a journal). And know that there are many people in this world who would wish you well.

blessings & peace,
frances

all the best bravery. keep in touch. jamie

Hi Bravery,
I have a frend who is going thru da exact same phase....and he has coped up really well..hope u do too...try building up a high self esteem and try up to build up love and not hatred around people...do some activities which u r interested at....and which u really love doing a lot!after all u are one of ur kind and list down the people who u really care about and who will be really proud to see u gaining urself...in dis way u ll try ur best!!! al the best!!Hope u do well....life is one and it the moments r unique so always live dem like u r living for a fleet of it!!
with lots of faith.and da username u have used itself tells dat u still have it in u... :)

Thanks Bravery,

I am so happy that you posted. And it sounds like you are doing good. I am very happy for you.

I know that there are times when not talking about things is easier than talking about them because you don't have to think about them. Not everything goes that way, but if it isn't that important, then don't think about it. Like me for instance. I owe some money for a credit card machine that I had back in 2002. I never think of it unless the bill collectors call. Then I ignore it. I don't care about it enough to worry about it. And if I did worry, what good would it do me? None...

If it is things that have happened in the past. Your mind will let you know when it is time to deal with it. So you need not worry about that either. If it is personal issues, well, deal with it when you feel like it. Like they say, don't sweat the small stuff. And it is all small stuff. lol...

I am glad that you are looking at this from another perspective. We have too much stuff to worry about as it is just trying to feel good. That is my goal every day.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen

Bravery,
That's great! Keep up the good work. :)

frances

oh yes bravery. me, i do not produce my own testosterone, as a kid i was extremely adrogenous. i was born without testes, have silicon implants now. i was raging for a bit growing up. i have been on the injections, 20 yrs of the subcutaneous pellets, always darn extracting and now the gel-of which is fantastic. puberty was late for me, and the life blood for males is testosterone. my endo was amazed that i did not harm anyone-fluctuating levels. have it checked. a good test is FSH, folicle stimulating hormone. did have a big effect and affect on me, work, school, life etc. thankfully the hypogonadism was picked up early in life. cheers, jamie.

no idea, that's why u should make am appt 4 your dr. not radical, just how i was born. okay, jamie.

I think I've found the cause to my depression, because I put a stop to it and I haven't been mood-switching horribly or gotten into one of my depressed moods yet. I'm not at liberty to say, I'll just have you know it's chemical.

There is a chance that it's not this, but if it is, thanks for all your help. If not, you'll be seeing me again I guess =P

Another update, hopefully the last.

I have no doubt in my mind that the cause was what I thought it was. While going through an experience today that normally would put me down into the spiral of depression and that horrible mood, I just let it pass by, and the sadness did not overwhelm me. The chemical balance is mending quite quickly, and I actually was in a good mood today for the first time in about 10 months. I shall continue to do what I'm doing, and I should be completely mended in no time.

Thank you all so very much for your love and support, you have allowed me to think about this logically, and I am very grateful. I wish you all the best.

Bravery.