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Posted 2/15/2010 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
I've been depressed for many years due to various reasons.  Currently I am not seeing a doctor due to insurance problems.  There are not many doctor's who take Medicaid.  Any way

I have been feeling more and more depressed as each day goes by.  I keep reminding myself that I am still here because my girls need me!!!!  My marriage is ending (my choice), I am starting a new job, I haven't worked in 4 years and I am scarred that I am going to fail, like I do at everything (says my soon to be ex) I have alot of medical problems but not enough to be on disability just enough in my head.  Seeing a new doctor is going to be impossible with working fulltime.  The waiting list to see a new doctor is about 5-6 months.....I guess I'll just keep trying.  My 9 year old daughter made a remark to me tonight that really hurt she said

mommy when I'm going to be a mommy I'm not going to be sick all the time I'm going to be a fun mommy!!!!!!!  I know she is only 9 but it still hurts!!!!!

I start my new job next week,  I hope I can do this.........I just want to take some sleeping pills and go to sleeep for a long time and wake up when everything is good............

I know I should not talk like that but that's the mood........

 

Posted 2/15/2010 11:12 AM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to say good luck in your new job. And that kids are great. don't take your daughters comments as personal or intentionally hurtful. At 9 years. she can understand that something is going on but cannot grasp what depression is( heck, I can hardly understand it myself and I got 30 years more experience than her). I'm also sorry to see that your marriage is ending and I hope that is for reasons outside of your depression. Sometimes those close to us suffer the most from our illnesses and emotions need to be checked and adjusted as needed. You need also to see your doctor regularly. Any hospital or clinic that gets community funding is required to take Medicaid and should have doctors( or PA or FNP) who can follow your treatment.
Posted 2/15/2010 12:15 PM (GMT 0)
beleve in you. i think some positive affirmations are required. with dr's word of mouth is good-especially in finding a good one. depression sucks, maybe your kids at 9 do not understand depression, albeit they do notice the changes. i hope things improve for you soon. maybe your mental health clinic can get a gp appointment sooner. my absolute compassion to you. you have been brave in posting, keep being brave. here for you.

-jamie.

Posted 2/15/2010 11:41 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks Jamie

This is the only place I can come to; to vent, nobody understands except us... Today is my daughter's 13th birthday and I can't even pull myself together to be happy.  I can't do anything right.  I'm trying so hard but nothing.............I got nothing.

My not soon enough to be ex-husband, myself and my younger daughter 9 took her out to dinner for her birthday and all I could do is think of going home to bed.......to no where land.

I should be happy, why does depression/bi-polar have to be so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate life.......

Posted 2/16/2010 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
April,

I just don't know why depression has to be so hard. All we want to do is crawl into a hole and ignore life. But we have to keep fighting. Together we can help eachother to feel better. Sometimes you just have to go with it. Allow yourself to rest. But don't stay in that bed too long. And don't feel guilty when you do.

I hope that this helps in some small way.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/16/2010 12:27 AM (GMT 0)

Thanks Karen

Posted 2/16/2010 9:17 AM (GMT 0)
and thx from me too, going with it. resting but still doing a lot. thx 4 the positives karen!!!!

with compassion, jamie. idea idea idea idea

Posted 2/17/2010 3:08 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks to all of you

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