venting with no where to turn

i need to vent and this is the only place that my parents won't look....mainly because they don't know i'm on here.  facebook is no longer safe because they have pages themselves and have already questioned things i've put on there...which is a pain by itself.

 

i was sitting downstairs using my mom's laptop since mine isn't working with the tv on (it helps since i have ADD) and doing homework.  my mom comes down and pretends to ask me to go somewhere else to do homework so that they can watch a movie...in reality i know it's her "polite" way to ask me to leave.  when i complain a little bit they freak out and blow up about how it's their house, and that the movie has been sitting there for a week, blah blah blah.

 

i said i needed to "(enter bad word here) move" and my mom goes "i totally agree".  i would give anything to move out; i was at my boyfriends all week last week and literally was in a better mood and actually was able to relax.  here, if they're not yelling at me for something then they're fighting or just avoiding me in general.

 

being here totally adds to my depression and i can't tell them anything because they don't take me seriously half the time.  i can't afford to move out either; otherwise i would have never moved back home, and i can't convince my boyfriend to move out yet either.  other than complete avoidance or locking myself in my room i am not sure what to do...

 

i'm so frustrated that all the concentration i had on my homework is now gone.

After I re-read all that I typed it seemed kind of childish...I do think I need to be a little more adpative for them.

And I do have a job; I hate it, and I don't get paid enough to live away from my parents. My boyfriend has a job as well; but he's not as "excited" about moving out as I am. His dad is what bothers him the most...and I think he may be somewhat scared to move out too. But relationship wise I think it would be good for us; we recently spent a week together and we barely had any bad times.

My parents want me out too...for whatever reason; they've agreed to help pay the security deposit and possibly first month's rent.

Sometimes living here I feel like I'm just an annoyance and burden for them. I try to do what I can, buy groceries for myself, pay for things that I suggest we do; etc....but lately it seems like they just want me out. After I came back for the week they mentioned how nice it was to have the house to themselves. Stuff like that upsets me, because as much as I want to move...it makes me feel unwanted. And that in general sucks. I also feel like I can't tell them everything that's been going on. When I told my mom I wanted to go back to therapy the only reply I got was "oh"....not why, or I think that's a good idea, or anything. Being here is making me more depressed, I feel, because of these things.

Don't feel childish. I just wanted you to look at things realistically. I am so sorry that your family makes you feel unwanted. That is so sad to me. But some parents are like that. I guess that they don't get that empty nest syndrome like a lot of them do.

Maybe you shoudl get your own place, especially if they will help you out with the deposit and first months rent. Do you have anybody like a girlfriend that would want to get a place with you? I lived with a girlfriend when I first moved out. I remember one parent was sad, but the other couldn't get me out fast enough. So don't feel alone, I know how you feel.

Take this one day at a time. You will get through it. Find another job, while you are still working. Look for one that you would like more, then switch. You can do this. It helps to be working when you are looking for a new job. Nothing wrong with improving employment places.

I hope that you have a good day today. Know that we are all thinking of you and wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen