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Im new out of prison been away for along time and havin trouble coping with things on the out side

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Posted 4/16/2010 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
Im normal every day joe who has unfortunatly spent to much time locked up . Im not a sex offender or anything of fhat nature mstly just a rebel without a cause.Im hoping to meet someonewho may be able to relate to the anxiety and stress at being free after a long period of confinement Im not into games or drama dont need that hassle right now be truthful with me Ill be truthful with you respect is earned and trust is a very precious comodity. So if any one wants to respond please do. Ex-con
Posted 4/16/2010 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
loner,
Welcome to healingwell. There of course an understandable anxiety and depression with life on the outside. Your PO can help you find a therapist if that is something you would like, plus there are some advocates (depending on where you are) out there for people in your position.  But mainly I encourage you to take it slow.  Find a job that is low stress.  One step at a time.
Take care of yourself,
Navy
Posted 4/16/2010 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Loner,

Wanted to welcome you to the HealingWell Depression forum. It is difficult when you first find freedom and you have been use to an enclosed world.

But as Navy said, maybe some counseling would help you to ease into it.

I hope that you are having a good day. Take care, take it slow, one day at a time.  Take things slow, take life as it comes.  Remember, it isn't the situation, but how you handle it.  I let a lot roll off of my back.  I have to.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/16/2010 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
To Navy, Thanks for the reply to my script, your advice is considerate and thoghtful but as for advocates here in the state of Fla or anny as far as that ma go there aint much. I have no P>O> I E.O.S. on my time meaning I had no paper to do once out. Fla has some real messed up ways of dealing with ex-convicts right now Fla has a return rate of 85%.Im hoping to start school in the fall I want to persue the field of mechanics and hopefuly be able to open my own place up later on in the future. Believe me Im not a dissolutioned individual about nothing out here actually I went to Mental Health the other day I got no job no money no insurance so I was referred to this web sight. Go figure...huh? which I do not think is a bad thing,after all in prison you learn real quick not to trust any one from mental health. So you see this could be good maybe through this forum I might learn at least how to develope some sort of confidence in some thing you know. My life consist of three rules....Trust no one...depend on nothing...and dont get involved with any thing I cant walk away from..So there you go Im still in my personal comfort zone. Well thank you for your reply, look forward to hear from you again Loner
Posted 4/16/2010 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi karen, I got your response to my script sppreciate the in put Im sorry it took so long for this reply but these computers are still pretty new to me. but thank you just the same. Loner
Posted 4/17/2010 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Well crumb. I am glad that you do not have to deal with the hassle, but I was hoping they would have more solid resources for you, because we we can do is rather limited. I definately wanted to get you more solid help then that.

Do you at least have some place to stay? Because I want to make sure your basic needs are being met.  I am concerned about you. I am trying to find some actual physical resourses for you, and not that I am a Bible beater but one of them I thought of was the Prison outreach ministry's can sometimes help with finding you some help on the outside. Or at least a place to stay. Granted you have the sermons to listen to, but hey it is worth a free meal and a cot if you need it.

I have no idea if any the places on the below website might help, so let me know what you think of them when you get a chance....Hope something is more solid this time...

These are some resources I found online that maybe there is some stuff in your community:

http://www.restorativejusticecommunity.org/ResourceDirectory/dirDisplay_MapDir.asp?Origscript=&activity=&statef=FL&txt_map_county_name=&stylesheet=0&DoAction=ShowList&ref=939&MF=fmap_000099.gif&MB=bmap_CECFFF.gif&TMF=fmap_000099.gif&TMB=bmap_CECFFF.gif

Posted 4/17/2010 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
These are some resourses on our anxiety forum

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

In particular you might want to check out moodgym.

I know you might not feel safe doing this with a therapist, but it has some resources to help you that you can keep private.

Take it easy,

Navy

Posted 4/17/2010 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
Moodgym isn't taking us anywhere anymore, I think that the website shut down.
Posted 4/17/2010 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Navy! I was hoping to hear from you again. Right now as my situation goes I do have a place to live and all my basic needs are taken care of,there are a few things I want but to me they are unimportant at this time my wants will be taken care of later.So all in all Im good,(would be better when I learn how to use this darned computer) I keep getting up in the mornings and look for work and go about my day as best I can.Hell man I dont even have an I.D. yet but that will be taken care of as soon as i get the $$$$. You know what is cool though every thing has changed A lot of my old friends died while I was down..wondering why they werent writing me(excuse the pun) What is the most difficult out here is the change in people. Ive met some out here I would realy like to smash,but I know that going to that level would do me no good. So I just pretty much stay to my self. I spend alot of time with my niece and play wiyh her kids alot I avoid alldrugs and people who use drugs. I view them as direct threats to my life! I do alot of walking by myself to help me to reflect on my day and to help me to plan out tomorrow.I dont live day by day no more,Ive learned the dangers that can be involved in doing this.Im sort of one up on the games but then again I feel as if Im from a different time...Well you know whar in some ways Iam,when I went to prison time stopped for me,In alot of ways Im still stuck 15 years behind every one else but you know what?Im smart enough to know fantasy from reality Any ways Ive been thinking about hitting the homeless trail,I have nothing out here to hold me back from moving on. theres Salvation Armies out tthere and so forth would actually be no problem,Im more use to the down trodden and neglected people than Iam to these so called Good people out here. I tried the Christian half way houses Most of my dealings with them have been really BAD!.Cant stand all of the hugging and wanting to pray for me all the time. Pray for the kids pray for those who need God in that capacity He is a good God,but right now I believe he may be a little pissed off at me! so I do my best. Well Ill stop boring you and sign out Loner.
Posted 4/17/2010 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
You are doing a good job, not smashing up people and keeping away from drugs. You are very correct that is not the path you want to take.

Ok loner as you know you can get a state identification, make sure you get your social security card and your birth certificate, and it might help if you still have a photo id from somewhere. I am not sure if you might still have any of these?

I am not sure if hittin the homeless trail is a very good idea right now, because you have a support system in place right now. I think that would be pretty important to keep, plus connection to people can be very helpful for your mental wellbeing. Our relationships can be pretty important to have...i.e. like your niece and her kids...

I think focusing in on getting a job is a really good idea. I wonder if you have found a place when you have been walking around? Man, do not give up if you are having a hard time finding a job, everyone is having a problem right now, and your struggle is going to be more difficult. Even the most humble of jobs can give you a sense of self-esteem and self-efficacy in that you are contributing and wow getting a paycheck! Granted sometimes there can be alot of abuse with any job, but hey man you make it thru 15 years of prison, I think you can make it thru darn near about anything.

I know to work you generally need id to work so I am wondering if you can get even a basic id or driver's liscense (wow it is expensive in Florida)
This is for state id's and driver's liscense in FL:
http://www.flhsmv.gov/realid/index.html


You know it is a funny thing they say those people who have cancer who have a community praying for them have a higher rate of survival. So it might help you help you to think about those people who are just trying to help you stay straight and clean, sometimes man we need all the help we can get. Even if sometimes we do not think we deserve it.

You might want to check out your local library, because it is a calm quiet reflective place and it might help to find some books about mental health, particularly about cognitive behavior therapy which is rather helpful in dealing with issues of anxiety. It is not a quick fix and it takes a long time, but it can help you find some steps in getting better.
You could probably even check out your local libraries card catelog online, so you do not have to ask someone to look it for you. Unfortunately I do not know what their requirements would be for a library card.

Posted 4/17/2010 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
MMMNavy,

Is there anyway that we can get this back to a more narrow post, it is so hard to read this way.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/17/2010 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
Karen I think the title of the post is effecting the forum and causing the posts to go wide. Maybe modify the title of the post and it will go back to normal. Hugs!!
Posted 4/17/2010 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
it is the link
Posted 4/17/2010 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
I don't want you to remove the link incase that Loner needs it in the future. So I will post on the other thread.
Thanks Navy,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/18/2010 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy Im sorry the response time is so long in between but Ive been pretty much running around with my head up my !@$**& all day. But you are right about the I.D. situation,Im gonna take care of that as soon as I get the money ,no problems there I just dont have the money right now.As for the thoughts on prayer, Its like I said before there is people out ther that needs prayer worst than me actually Im pretty lucky to have a niece who would take me in,she is my heart for real. I use to call her when she was a baby and she would sing the Barney song to me over the phone,its good being around her.You know no matter what I choose to do its going to be hard,but hell man I just survived a level 7 max. sec. inst. So anything will be new and better. Right now my biggest problem is getting use to every day normal things..by the way what the hec is normal any more? these little things are what confuse me more than most remember Ive lived most of my life on the outs of every thing that society values. So I may be a little f.u.b.a.r but Iam who iam what I need is someone who is intelegent and has good common sense oh yea what I would like the best is maybe I could help one child and maybe keep them from going down the road I did would make all my prison time mean something other than a wasted life. This is real and Im in a good position to do that right now.....Loner
Posted 4/19/2010 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Loner,
No worries about response time. I am rather sick and do not always read this forum everyday (as I am a crohns/thyriod mod), but I think there are alot of things that brings us all here. The reajustment and resocialization process is difficult to say the least, but it is doable. It takes time most of all. Like I said relationships help with this readjustment process. I know this sounds corney, but be gentle with yourself and others during this stage. You know you have the self-discipline to make it thru this.
You know what my philosphy is by my last quote on my sig.
Take it easy,
Navy
Posted 4/19/2010 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy got your script appreciate the word,A new problem has arrived.I ve met a lady who is interested in me Ive told her bits and pieces of my past I didnt volentere any thing to revealing about my nature nor have I been trying to encourage her in any way.But she is lonely and keeps coming on pretty strong. Im not affraid of her Im more afraid what I may do to her cause I dont thinks emotionally stable enough to deal with some one like me.Ive told her over and over all we could ever be is friends ....She wants more than Im willing or even able to give to anyone right now.The main problem is.is she had her son die over a year ago.She is on zolof and other anti-deprssant.I actualy think she wants to replace her son with what she may think is love from another person. Ive never been intament with her nor do I even see her this way.I know for a fact that what she wants could become one big mess and in her emotional state right now it could even be a very fatal mistake. I do my best to be respectful to her feeling but now its becoming very annoying.I want you you to know its not me Im concerned about I dont want to see this person to go through any more pain. So what am I to do?Do I handle her this way and just try to be friends or do I just let her see the side of me that Im trying to protect her from? Why in the hell am I trying to protect this person for any ways?This bothers me greatly cause to be truthful I dont even understand why Im even studying this so hard Its true I havent been with a woman in years and cold showers aint really that effective any how.But this woman is not emotionally strong enough. Please tell me where to go Loner
Posted 4/19/2010 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
Because protecting people (especially vernerable people) is a marker of true masculinity and maturity. Because hurting other people in the long run hurts you as well, maybe not as bad maybe not as much, but it takes a little piece of you. Perhaps, you can inform her that you have strict rules about how your yourself are treated and how other people are treated around you. Right now you are particularly vernerable since you are very new to the readjustment cycle, and you can truely see how vernerable she is, and therefore you need to both protect yourself and her. You obviously have empathy for the loss she has taken, which is a Very Good Thing! That says alot about the charater of who you are. That is definately something I want to recognize you for!

Make sure you let her know that "you want her to heal, because losing a son has got to be such a huge devestating loss and there has simply not been enough time for her to readjust for her health." And if you do not want to be with her, then just let her know that "you have to have some boundaries with her to preserve your own wellbeing, because you are going thru a different kind readjustment and need to focus on making yourself ok too." Hopefully she will respect what you are doing for your own well being, if she does not then you need to remind her about your boundaries both for your own health and for her health. Expect that she might be pretty unhappy and might say some not nice stuff.

I am also hearing a wish that you want to have a sexual encounter with her, but you clearly do not want the responsibly of a relationship. There is after all a reason why there is generally a suggested waiting period for sexual activity for a readjustment period, granted it does vary individually, but generally it is about a year so you can focus in on your health and wellbeing, before you actually start involving those more complicated aspects of one's life. If you do decide that you want to be sexual active with her then you need to be honest and upfront about your history before you become active with her. I strongly suggest that you go very slow in this, see if she earns your trust and in turn visa versa. It is a some what risky behavior, but there is a path. Casual sex can extract a high price from all parties involved, so you need to figure out what is a behavior that you want to see in yourself.

I think this is a great oppertunity to figure out what you want your own moral compass to be, and gauge what you feel comfortable with at this point in time.
Take it easy,
Navy
Posted 4/20/2010 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Navy,I just read your script and thank you for the words. My maine problem here is Im not emotionally syable enough for a relationship that includes feelings of two people. Iam avery obsessive and compulsive person coming from years of drug addiction and compounded by the prison time.Right now Im battling a raging war going on inside of my self.I dont drink I dont do drugs cause althis does is compound my problems beyond mine or anyone elses control less they put me back to prison. As for having a sexual relationship with her ,Im affraid that it would become an obsession then Idont want that for me or for her either. Its not that Im some sort of super good guy looking out for her well being,Im not a good guy never have been one but what Iam is an ex-con trying to live in a world that looks down on me . Im afraif of what a relationship this early could do to me.Up until she came along I didnt even entertane the idea of a woman in my life for a long time.May be one day I could sit down and explain this to you but first I have to figure it out for myself......I done a self analise and figured it might proove dangerous to both of us to get involved even as friends especialy right now at this point of my transition.Im not saying she is in danger of life or limb or any thing like that I can honestly say I have never put my hands on a women in a violent way.Actualy I believe that any man that hurts a woman is a coward and deserves a special place in hell for it , a child to you dont hurt the kids either,People who do things like that we had a special way of treating them in prison.Oh well thats niether here nor there ,excuse me for rambling on like that.Back to the problem at hand,Im just going to tell her how I feel right down to the bare facts, if she dont understand then that I dont want a relation ship with her(not even as friends) she should she is very intellegent other than this I dont know .maybe Ill introduce her to a friend of mine who could do or be what she thinks she wants but I cant nor will I even try Ive been down this road before and Im not willing to do it again....Loner
Posted 4/20/2010 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Loner,
I am puking my guts out today so I have to keep it short. You need to take care of you, and that means staying away from intoxicants (booze, drugs, etc). Those are the boundaries you set for yourself. I think you are right on about a relationship right now will take too much focus from your readjustment progress.
Take it easy,
Navy
Posted 4/20/2010 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Navy,Hope you feel better soon .Talkto you some more tomorrow.Loner
Posted 4/20/2010 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Loner I've never been in prison,but am not a very trusting person either.I learned from being hurt too many times.
I have Dementia & for me It's "One Day At A Time Thing".
Posted 4/21/2010 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Loner,
I might be a bit spotted here and there because my health is a little iffy, and I am trying to stay out of the hospital (rare internet there). But this is what I am wondering if it might help you think of your release from prison as an oppertunity in life for a do-over. You remember a "do-over" from when we where kids when we messed up. So you know that people are going to look down on you for messing up, but you have a kinda "do-over" here. You have an oppertunity to really change your life, and while yes you do probably need to anticipate that people will look down on you for your own mental safety, this is really oppertunity to step up who you are, for you. I think someone who has been thru what you have has the discipline and the mental reserves to really step up their mental selves to the point that maybe just maybe you can step up who you are as a person. This is about your own personal growth and figuring out what kind of person you want to be now, and what you want to do with your new self.
Take it Easy,
Navy
Posted 4/22/2010 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy, Guess what I did tonight?????????????I went to church,and enjoyed it....Tes tou are right this is my do over and not only that but also my last second chance. You should know one thing about this...Ive been to prison 5 times,which in the state of Fla. is no big deal or is this rare. Oh well to the important stuff. Ive been doing a lot of research into my options that I may or may not have in my re entry into society and I found a grant or funding yo go to school. before I wnt to prison I was working twords my A.S.E. certifications.Well I found a school and the money I need to go there,I take my tabe test on the 29th of this month.No problem there I already score out at a 12G.P.A. If I get the funding approved I will start school in August. So far no job got rid of my potential female problem,We came to the conclusion to part friends and if five or ten years down the road we decide to do something we will just skip through the flirtting part and go for it..ha ha ha . But now on to more serious stuff! Church was really something tonight. I kind of sat back and enjoyed my self.Ive always wondered if God Oh I Dont know we will just skip this for know.Any ways how do I make paragraphs with this thing?Please excuse me alittle tonight Im really manic right know and cant really think straight .Im hoping you are feeling well tonight Iv sort of kind of been worried about you
Check this out,Ive also been talking to a few guys I know and it seems that things are really tight all around so thry agreed to let me come into there own garages and do my own work.It aint no promise of a pay check but it will give me some of my own work to do with out having the problem of splitting my commissions. I will be doing myown work,Hell who knows where this could go,.,.,right.Well Im going to close for the night So GOD BLESS YOU and be kind
Loner
Posted 4/23/2010 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Loner. I am still kicking! :) The good old VA hospital is doing it's best to keep me that way. God has blessed me with another day of breathing. Which is a pretty good thing for a sailor like me. I am so very glad to hear things are going good. I am glad to hear things are working out. You are doing a good job of keeping yourself in a good head space. Keep that focus. You know you can do this.
Take it easy,
Navy
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