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Posted 4/17/2010 7:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there, I am a love addict and get severely depressed when a relationship or someone I like doesn't go the way I want. Currently, I met this guy last weekend and we fooled around. 2 days later he came over and were intimate. We had amazing passion, a lot in common, and he was really sweet. I felt so happy to meet him, but I live several hours away and I am moving closer to him, but not for 2 weeks. Anyway, when I went back home, he and I barely spoke except through text message. He called me once and spoke for about a minute. He keeps saying he is really busy, but now he is at a music festival. He promised he would call me today and no call. I asked him what he was thinking that one time on the phone and he said he is just in the moment and wants to talk to me. I am wondering if I am being played or if he really likes me. He said he wants to meet when I get back in town, but why is he barely communicating with me? Do you think he is out with other girls? We are not in a relationship, we just met, but I am lovesick. I literally am so worried he doesn't really like me or is just hooking up with other girls that I have a deep pain in my heart. I can't think of anything else and i feel distracted by this suffering constantly. I even feel like it is so painful I wish I just didnt exist. I dont really want to die, but I cant take this. It is awful. I hate that it matters so much whether he likes me. I see it is ridiculous, yet the pain is so strong. Please please help someone. I am miserable

i had to edit out one word in accordance with rules....lyn

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 4/17/2010 3:08:33 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/17/2010 9:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome to Healing Well
i am so sorry that you are feeling so hurt and i do understand
I think that maybe this was too quick and now you are hurting very much over it
perhaps the best thing to do is to ask him just exactly what it is he wants with you and him to happen and go from there
im not sure how old you are but hon there will be someone out there that truly loves you for you ya know
in this day as im sure you are aware it is not good to hv relations with someone you just met

as well you really dont need men to validate you you are unique and will find someone
perhaps finding the root of why you need to have mens approval n such would not be a bad idea

maybe he feels its going too fast idk but why not give him a bit of space n let him do the chasing or courting as im sure you are a very sweet person and he just might decide that he does want to be with you
if you are constantly phoning texting ect it might be sending a message that you are very insecure in this and that could be bothering him as well
let yourself do other things to keep mind off this and try to think of happy things
you hv friends im sure
so dont just sit at home worrying n getting more depressed
you WILL find the right one for you
we all usually do
stay strong n know ppl here do care this is a great community
Kitt n Karen will be around n im sure they will hv great advice for you as well
i just know that this is what i hv told my 17 yr old daughter
i hv told her to wait n become friends first n take that other step only n i mean only n truly IF she is ready n sure
im so sorry this has/ is happening n i do hope it works out for you
STAY with us n get some advice n great support here from members
huggs
lyn
Posted 4/17/2010 1:53 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am so glad that you have found us.

Do you suffer with depression? This is a depression forum and we try to support depressed people.

One thing that I can advise is if he says he is busy, he probably is. Don't chase him, that is a sure fire way to get him to back off. Guys don't like to be chased. They like to be the chaser.

I hope that you two get together. It really sounds like you like him a lot. But you have to learn to love yourself and not be dependant on others affection. I hope that you can do this.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/17/2010 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey gal; Im Loner and was browsing when I came across your posted script . what I wanted to say is that Ive never been in love in away that was all comsuming like you.My life has been from one extreme to another so I do know the feelings of being over whelmed by the moment either by a person or place or circumstance.Some times this over whelming feeling can be confused wiyhh a number of emotions or feelings.We actually can control this but first we need to recognize what are part in this is.Are we to over baring or are we in this for a reason,selfish or other reasons? Just try to be neutral and see what happens but remember one thing your heart is a very precious thing so dont just give it away on any whim It should take a very special person to keep it safe..Loner
Posted 4/19/2010 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the responses. Yes, I suffer with major depressive episodes every few months where for a month I can barely do what I like to do like exercise and music. Nothing gives me pleasure as I obsess over whatever disappointment is occurring. It is usually related to men or career.

It has been getting worse the past few days to where I can barely focus and concentrate. I am in school and this is putting a strain on it. I am getting divorced and I was feeling ok about being single until I met this person. We just had such an amazing connection. I went onto a site where he has photos and posts about himself and this girl posted she was meeting him at this festival. He also texted me he has no phone service there, so between him spending time with a girl who came from another country to be with him and no service, he is MIA. We just met so I cant be mad he is hanging with other women, but what is getting me is the obsessive thoughts about him and whether I am good enough, beautiful enough. When I go into a depressive episode I feel worthless, like I have no purpose here. I feel like this persons rejection or lack of attention reflects something being deeply unloveable about me and the pain so severe. I feel like i need medication, but I am really afraid to take meds as the wrong one can make things worse and i am more of a natural remedy type person.

Today has been really rough. I just wish that it didnt occur. my mind knows there are other fish in the sea, but the thing is, it is as if I cant control how sad i feel about it even though it doesnt make sense to feel so sad. like my chemicals in my brain are just off. i feel like i have no one to turn to. my friends dont understand why i am so hurt. i cant afford a therapist and i just want to crawl into a hole and wait for this to pass.

howlyn, it was too fast, sleeping with him, but because of my love addiction i get these delusional romantic fantasies that cause me to be impulsive. I think about the time being with a person and literally get high as if it meant something so big to both of us. no matter how many times i try to not sleep with someone, the high i am getting pushes me to do it anyway. this sucks so bad. aghhhhh!!!!!
Posted 4/20/2010 4:28 AM (GMT 0)
I can completely understand what you're going through. It's so easy sometimes to be so intimate with another person, and then when it doesn't work out ideally, you feel crushed. I recently had a very physical night with my ex, and I woke up happy and excited because a lot was said, and then found out that it was strictly physical for him. I was so disappointed because I thought him saying he still loved me meant he wanted a relationship with me. I guess it's easy for guys to say what you want to hear in the moment, but not really mean much by it.

I do think there's a special guy out there for each of us. That guy is willing to not only say, but act in a way that makes us feel special long term. I hold out for that man. I don't want one night regrets or mistakes, I want the real deal. I expect a guy to work for me, to put me as a priority, and to make me feel like a princess. I don't think it's too much to expect, but it's something that takes waiting for. The ideal guy for every girl isn't everywhere. He's not every guy you meet.

You have to remember, and maybe even write down the things you expect from a boyfriend. I'm talking things you absolutely HAVE to have. These are things that would be a given, like someone who puts your feelings first, or someone who wants the best for you. Remind yourself the things you want, and don't take less than that.

I know that in any relationship, you accept people as they are, and I'm not saying little things like he leaves socks on the floor would mean you don't accept him, I'm talking BASIC expectations.

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself what you really want and need. Refer back to it when you're confused.

I hope this helps. It's the same thing a friend of mine went through with me a week ago. Know that you're not the only girl out there that craves love and relationships...I'm in the same boat.
Posted 4/20/2010 11:25 AM (GMT 0)
Well he's back and now I am hypomanic. I feel too energized and I am up at 4am not able to sleep obsessing that I need to exercise more since I might see him soon, obsessing about looking younger, dying my hair to look better, and I want rollerblades so I can start exercising in a way I like. He sent me one text saying he is home from festival. We see each other in 11 days, and I want lose 5 pounds! I am letting myself really say what is going on in my head here as these are the kinds of things I don't tell people I think. I see the ridiculousness of it, but I am in an agitated state after being so depressed. Now, it has switched to anxiety and excitement. I guess you could say I have mixed episodes of being down, and then have months where I am over the top blissful and then now, where it is a state of agitation.

Bar77, thanks for the response. I have done that list in the past you speak of. I feel like i kind of know inside what I want now. When I think about it, he isn't doing anything wrong. i don't live near him yet and he is not obsessive like me. I am thinking maybe he is finally someone more healthy! He texted to trust he likes me and he is thinking of me and can't wait to see me. I am in such transition right now moving and in school and getting divorced that it is really tweaking me. I used to be on these natural antidepressants and I am ordering them again this week as they did help me maintain a more even keel. In fact, when I was at that even place once it felt weird. I felt kind of bored. Pretty strange that when I was balanced, I almost missed the imbalance. I will keep u all posted. Thank you so much for the kindness and the responses.
Posted 4/20/2010 11:41 AM (GMT 0)
i get that. during (for me) psychotic episiodes i actually felt more in control. haphazard i know, as i was going a million miles an hour but i do get what you say. thought i would reciprocate this. with kindness, jamie. hoping the supplements help real soon. :-)
Posted 4/20/2010 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Jamie, which part do you get? Would like to hear more about your experience. I started my antidepressant today (Sam E) with green tea. I feel pretty good just from a few hours of it going into my system. I see my thoughts wanting to go to worry mode, or depressed mode, and then it is like they get redirected. It is amazing how powerful chemicals are. I think it is a mix between nature and nurture...you know our environment, situations, and our biology. People who dont experience this think why cant you just get over it? There is so much at play, that is not that simple or cut and dry. I am happy to have some relief. I am studying and a little too high to have focus, but i think as I adjust I might be able to concentrate better. Might throw in some blue green algae for concentration. Havent heard from him today, he is not responding to my text, but ya know he usually doesnt always respond. Fact of the matter is, neither does my best friend and she still loves me. I guess him responding doesnt necessarily mean something is wrong.
Posted 4/23/2010 6:10 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you somuchtolife. That did help. I ended up expressing my feelings to this person about how much this situation had been hurting me. It was quite a risk to do this as it potentially may have scared him away then. I went into another depressive episode after I sent him this message because i was so afraid it would scare him away. I was up all night again till 4am, but this time with a feeling of dread and like my body was just sinking sinking into the ground. I almost called a hospital as I felt like I was losing my mind. Strangely, and perfectly, a friend from Germany texted me right at the worst moment. He was up as it was morning there and he chatted with me online for a while which really helped me a lot. I was able to share how much pain I had been in and this helped me relax enough to go to sleep. The next day....lo and behold, he called! He was not freaked out by my message. He was surprised as he thought he had been keeping in touch with me. He shared he was not seeing anyone locally, but someone in another country in a very non serious dating relationship, but that it was something he needed to figure out. He also shared he had been only broken up from a 2 yr relationship for 2 months, and he was not ready to jump into another relationship. I did not freak out by this as I know that that he still wanted to hang out regardless and people can change there minds when they really know you and love you about being more involved. After the phone call, I felt more at ease, but then had a therapy session with a friend who was willing to trade sessions with me for somethings that I do. She spent 2 hours with me and we found the root of where this started for me. It was amazing to understand, though the reaction is still there and the behavior, at least I can have more compassion for myself understanding it. I will be moved down there in a week and I am wondering how to set up to see him. I guess I will just say I am here, let me know when you want to have a coffee, and then leave it up to him. I must say, I am definitely not feeling super happy from my SAM E, but my sister said it take 3 weeks to kick in fully. I am feeling like I am at a coping level, but my symptoms are still there. They are overshadowed with deep deep loneliness...I am afraid I will never be rid of this deep loneliness.
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