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Im new out of prison been away for along time and havin trouble coping with things on the out side

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Posted 4/23/2010 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy; Whats up with you today?.. Things here are still the same. Iam glad to hear you are doing better.
Ive been out looking for work again,but still no luck,something has got to shake loose soon.Hell Ill even take on a dish washing job if only I could find one! Im not discrimnative I just want ajob,
So tell me did you serve in the Navy for long?Iwas in the marine corps for a while,I was trying to hide from the law and joined the Marines I forged my brothers name and all his records and put my name in them instead of his.I didnt take them verry long to figure out who I was and that I was wanted by the law.Anny ways that was my only expierence with the military. Are you retired from the Navy? I have mucho respect for are fathers who have searved this country.We have are problems here in america but I still LOVE the good ole U.S.A. and all she stands for.I think my self fortunat that I was able to meet you on this sight,I really value your insight ,wish things could be different but they are what they are.I would like to take you out to one of my favorite fishing holes catch some nice bass I dont drink so we would have to settle for some good ole fashion ice tea.But the fishing would be great..
You know Navy..I dont know anny thing abouy whats going on with your health Or how hard it is for you but I do want you to know that I pray for you.I really dont know what to say so some times its best not to say anny thing at all...But Ido appreciate the time you take to write me and answer my scripts.Believe this for it is true!Just what little bit we have shared helps me to stay in focous and messing up again.I know its been only three weeks since my release but Iam doimg the best I know How.Might be providence you never know how God may do his work,but all the same I do thank you very much for your time.........Loner.
Posted 4/24/2010 1:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Loner, I just stumbled across this post in browsing through them all, and I wanted to say I think you are a strong individual to have come through what you've been through and to keep on going afterward. I have no experience with anything like what you have experienced, but you seem to have a resilience that I think will take you far. I think you are doing a great job. Keep us posted and never give up!
Posted 4/24/2010 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Loner,
Unfortunately I was severely injuried in 04 and so now I am going back to school (and doing a little teaching for a tuition break) to hopefully be able to help as a civilian, if my crohns (was dx in 05, it is kinda like having a chronic case of the stomach flu) eases up, but so far it has not really gone into a remission, and this is what keeps putting me in the hospital.
I think focusing on getting any job is a really good idea. I do not want you to get discouraged because it is so hard to find a job right now. You can do this.
Take it easy!
Navy
Posted 4/24/2010 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy,whats up?
I just woke up a few minutes ago,well from what the clock says its been hours but it dont feel like it.cant seem to get woke up.Right now the boys are playing guitar hero and things are pretty quiet right now.....GOD I LOVE THE MORNINGS! Well Im going on a mission this morning.I have a couple ammends to make to a couple of people.I hope it works out but if not Ill not have this to worry over no more.I dont really know how I feel about all of this, really to me appologies can open up old wounds and sometimes the better parts should be left alone.Im only doing this because ita the right thimg to do .As for the people I really dont care what they think about me,as long as they keep it to their selves and dont involve my family in our problems.this is when it goes to the next level.I really dont like digging things up out of my past but if I can make a few things right than its worth the effort.
This place is the neighbur hood hang out for all the kids,they come here from all over the neighbor hood Pretty cool really we have a lot of fun with the boys.But it does get pretty loud too.
Well its about time for the kids to arrive so Im going to sign out for now.Ill write more later,have a blessed day......Loner
Posted 4/25/2010 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Mornings are one of my favorite times of day as well. I like the peacefulness of it. Like sitting out on the porch enjoying the morning, watching the sun rise. I also drink nothing stronger then tea, and usually it is white tea due to it is suppose to be super healthy for you, but both black tea and green tea are good too). I think the start anew process is help alot by making sure you do not have old poison hanging around. To help relieve their suffering might just help relieve your suffering if just a wee bit. Just make sure that you are keeping clam waters within your mind.
Posted 4/25/2010 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy;my mind is like a raging storm from time to time,you just wouldnt believe some of the crazy stuff I can think up from time to time.Sometimes I think up my own problems.You know at one time I couldt function properly with out with out some kind of drama going on.Ive created more problems for my self than any normal person can think of in years time.Im better now(BIG SMILEY FACE) Bit yes Ido my best to sray in a positive state of mind,and not get to caught up in the frivolous B.S. I cant let my self fall into that woe is me frame of mind AND I dont hang out with people who are bitter lonely or mad These three things here are a verry dangerous trap for me.I spend a lot of time in the library.Iam by choice a very square peg now but Ido enjoy my self .......
Loner
Posted 4/25/2010 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Loner,
I think the library is a very good choice, because it is a very calming place and a place that you can find books that will help you grow as a person. I was just thinking if you have not done your apologizing yet, it might best be done by letter for right now, because I think I am hearing that you do not want to screw it up or cause any more pain. So this way you can take the time to write it and say it right.

So very glad to hear that things are on a much more even keel now. Nothing wrong with being a square peg. In fact I think it is a pretty good idea given that this is a major readjustment period for you. There is a life long learning process here and I do not want you to get discouraged, if you have set backs. I kinda have a life philosophy about human growth, that what we are here to do is to evolve ourselves as human beings, and I think you are heading in a good direction here. Especially with the boundaries you have set for yourself about who you choose have around yourself. There is such hope and possiblity in children, and I think it might help you find the possiblity within yourself.
Take it easy,
Navy
Posted 4/26/2010 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Navy, How are you today? Im extremeley pissed off right now.O figutrd if I right a little bit about it,itmay help me to things in s little better prospective.
You see heres the problem in a nut shell. I ran across a young couple who were homeless and had no place to go,so we invited them here to give them meal and try to help them the best we could. But now they are becoming a real pain in the ass.All they want to do is sit around and do nothing all day long.They wont even get thier asses out of bed unless I run them out. they dont even want to help out around here.I dont want to tell them to leave because they have no place to go but right now they are on very dangerous grounds with me.Honestly I want to choke or beat some sense into both of them.
People need help once in a while but to my belief is if you dont try to help your self than there is no hope for you.And right now my stress level is about 15 on a scale of one to ten.Im trying to be cool and calm I just wish the dude here had enough balls to put his hands on me then I could justify doing to him what needs to be done!
Im fixing to tell them they have to leave I cant sit here no more looking at two grown people whp think the world owes tham something. And besides this I dont handle stress all that well.I would just as soon as fight hthan argue and I can not tollerate incompemence in people who I know could do a lot better.It hurts me to have to do this but right now they leave me no choice.Either that or risk myself going back to prison over some one who aint even worthe pissing on.
I know this sounds a little hard but it is actually no where neer how I really feel what i would really like to do. But fortunatly we are on a public forum and theres just some things you dont express.
You know today I was reading some of the other posts in the forum today. And I see theres a lot of people out there that has a lot worse problems than me especially what some of them are going through with there medications.I would like to give them a word of incourage ment But I really wouldnt know what to say to them. I was diagnosed as bi-polar in prison they put me on meds Trazadone I believe it was ,but it made me so useless and the side effects were more trouble than not taking the meds. sSo iwnt back to the doctor and he said I was also manic depressant that was why I was having trouble with my meds. So I quit my meds all together and learned to deal with it on my own.Im not recomending this to anny one.....Some people needs meds but not when they mess with you in strange ways. I havent been on meds in over 15 years. I dont do drugs or drink because that just compounds my problems.Besides Im a junkie from hell once I get started.So for me its best not to start agin compared to having to quit again.
I soon found out the longer I was clean the more stable I become Other than my temper Im almost normal,what ever in the hell that means! There are afew things that are out there that still confuses me from time to time
Well its about time I sign off so you have a great day me Im going to try to maintain talk to ya soon....LONER
Posted 4/26/2010 11:02 PM (GMT 0)

Hi loner,

How ya doing?  Sounds like some crazy stuff is going down in the home that you are living at now.  God bless ya for trying to be a nice guy in that you are trying to help them out.  But "strangers no matter how down on their luck do not belong in a house with children," and I suggest you use those exact words.  Please send these people out of the house asap along with these resources.  http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=2&oq=help+for+the+homeless+in+&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4SKPB_enUS343US343&q=help+for+the+homeless+in+florida

Please do not get in a fight with them.  Call the police to remove them if they cause you any problems.  Please in the future do not bring people home to a house where children are, nor allow people into your life that might endanger your own wellbeing.  I am thinking that in your attempted to make things right, that perhaps you are not clear about boundaries.  One of those boundaries is finding the line inbetween helping others and personal relationships.  That means you need to keep your home a sacred space by not letting people who drain you around you or your family.   

I know you want to be a good guy in that you do not want to tell them to leave.  But let's face it you have given them a meal and a warm bed it is time for them to move on, and that is far more then you should have ever done in your readjustment process. (In the future if you feel compulsion to feed the homeless, do not allow them into your home,  feed them out on the picnic table or better yet when you are volenteering at a soup kitchen or something.) 

Please think about what is best for you and your family here, and I think you are correct that is for these homeless people to go.  Please think about how you want to do this. You do not want to get into a fight with them.  You are correct: this is Not Worth Going Back To Prison For!  You have better coping skills and more resources then that option.  You need to stay cool here, and have boundaries about how upset you allow yourself to get about what other people do.  Do not let yourself get into these situations that bring out the side of you that you do not like.  I know you know this and like I said I think you know that you need to protect yourself and your family here.

Take it easy,

Navy

Posted 4/26/2010 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
My apologizes if my above note sounded a bit Yikes!
I would say that you could also say to them "One behaves their way to success, and what they are doing is not a path to success."
Posted 4/27/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
  Hey Navy, Thanks for the response and dont wrry how you may rhink you sound because one of the reasons I keep writing you is because you tell it like it is and hold no punches back,A quality that more peolple should have.

 As for those people they are history,the dude had a warrent and I made arangements for the sheriffs office to come to the house and pick them up.I didnt want to do it this way but he lied and disrespected the house.so he gone his girl friend wanted to stay,told me we could probably be good together and that she admired certain qualities in me.I told her that she was full of it and had no idea what those qualities were she lied to us and so on. the bottem line is to leave or the police will escort you off this property.......she is gone to.

 Last night was a good night the kids and I wrestled most of the evening and we all just really enjoyed each others company so every thing worked out for the best.

 Im sorry but got to make this short. Im trying to fix the neighbours lawn mower right now so I got to go ,Be cool .......Loner

Posted 4/27/2010 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
No worries man! I have to admit I was pretty concerned about you and how this might effect your readjustment process.
Take it easy,
Navy
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