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Living with Depression Every Day

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Posted 5/17/2010 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Just start by telling us what is going on in your life. Why you have come here and what we can do to help. We are all good listeners. We have all been through similar situations, all have the same problems with depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness, withdrawing from family and friends. Just begin with a little something about yourself and the rest will come.

And welcome to our forum. Please make yourself at home...I hope that we can somehow lessen your pain or anxiety or just listen and be there for you if you need us.

Happiless
Posted 5/17/2010 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Susan1234,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us.

You are more than welcome to start an introductory thread for yourself if you want to. All you have to do is click on "new topic" and go from there. If not, that is okay too. Feel free to post wherever you would like and if you want to, you can tell us a little more about yourself. That is totally up to you.

Take care and I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/18/2010 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
hi thank you both for your replies its hard to believe a kind word from someone i dont even know can make me emotional so thank you both for your kindness
Posted 5/18/2010 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
I had a very emotionally draining session today with my therapist. It was only our 2nd meeting, but of all the therapists I've seen I think he has been more insightful than any other. He has me looking at things that I have been afraid to see for so very long. It's very scary, but also I feel relief and a little hope. It's always awkward talking about your childhood and your parents in regards to your present day problems. Although I saw today how those early relationships with my mother and father have shaped who I am today. After existing one way for your entire life, how do you change? It is a very scary thing to face, but I know I must try if I am to get better, to learn to deal with the issues that cause me so much pain, anxiety and also the depression that I cannot seem to escape.

The scariest part is..what if I have to face things that I have forgotten for good reason? Things I don't know if I want to remember? How do I deal with that information? Will it make things worse or better? I am afraid and feel alone.
Posted 5/19/2010 12:26 AM (GMT 0)
Happiless,

This is what I learned about PTSD. Your mind protects you. You will not remember something before you are ready to handle it. That is why you forgot it in the first place. It sounds like you have a very good therapist and I think that he is going to guide you through this safely.

I am really happy for you right now. Take things one day at a time as you are entering your healing journey. You are going to learn a lot now. Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/19/2010 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the positive feedback Karen. I know the journey will be long but I am ready to end all of this "unknown" about why I am the way I am and why I process things the way I do and why I always need someone else in my live to reassure me that I am worthy.

I put my best efforts into discovering the truth.

Thanks again.
Posted 5/20/2010 7:10 AM (GMT 0)
keep on that journey happiless. sending positive vibes your way.

welcome susan, here for ya, jamie.

Posted 5/21/2010 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
devil  At my last session my therapist asked me to make a list of what I want my life to be, what I want out of it.  It can't just be "to be happy" or "to no longer be depressed".  It has to be individual things that make me happy and content in my life.  I am having a great deal of trouble answering that question.  I just do not know what makes me happy anymore.  I am not sure where to start.  I feel totally at a loss as to what made me happy before cry . 

 

This makes me very sad.  I have forgotten how to enjoy things that I used to..simple things like going to the beach, being with friends, of whom I have none at this time, cry again makes me very sad.   I have no real connections to anyone except my two sisters and my boyfriend and even those are limited, not totally honest connections...out of fear.

 

HELP...any advice?

Posted 5/21/2010 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
I guess you could put to be able to know what you want out of life. Let them know that you are in that state where you don't know what could make you happy again.

Is there anything that you use to enjoy that you would like to be able to enjoy again? It is difficult when you haven't been happy for a while. You forget what it was like.

Think about what you would like to be able to do with your life. Is it a job that you want? A career? To be a mother? It is going to take a lot of thinking on your part and exploring your mind, but that is probably why he does this exercise. Good luck, put on the old thinking cap...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/23/2010 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
smhair Still trying to sort out the answer to my therapist's questions about what would make me happy or what do I want out of my life without coming up with the usual answers. I have found myself being very irritable lately and I cannot put my finger on why unless it is the fact that I cannot remember what used to make me happy. Sometimes I feel that my life has been so full of wasteful things even marriages. I know that our past makes us who we are and unfortunately, right now I do not like who I am or how I feel or how hard it is to "put my face on" and look and act normal for all the people around me. I don't know who I am because I spend so much time being what others want or need me to be and I don't know how to stop. I guess though if I just acted the way I felt, no one would bother to come back for seconds. I scare myself so I am sure I would scare others as well.

I wish I could remember what caused and when the change occurred. Did it? Was I born this way? Can I really change? I am so tired of battling every day to focus, to be pleasant, to pretend to pay attention when my minds wonders 90 miles an hours to other important and non-important. Work is becoming an issue again, because I cannot focus and follow through to the end. I get stuck, I go back and forth between things and then get distracted and have to start all over again. I had to leave my last job because I could not function there anymore. That time I was out of work for a year and hospitalized twice. I do not want to go there again.

People and family say "we love you no matter what". Well its hard to expect others to love you when you really don't even love yourself for like who you are.

I'm just so tired!! so very tired.

Thanks for listening.
Posted 5/23/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes there comes a time in our lives when the easiest thing is to take life one day at a time and let things fall into place. I know that is hard to do when you have so much on your mind and can't focus. Are you on any types of medication? It might be good to get something to slow your mind down. I had what was called obsessive thinking. I thought way too much. So they put me on risperdol. That really helped me, but I gained weight on it so they changed it to abilify. And it has worked wonders. I don't dwell on the past anymore or worry about the future. And all the unnessisary thoughts are gone. So that might be something to think about. If you don't want to take medication how about trying meditation. I practice it often and it really does help. It is hard when you are thinking all of the time. And it is really hard when you don't like yourself. But I do think you will get through this. And you will like yourself again. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
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