New member: Unsuccessful at every attempt to make life better looking for genuine support

I am approaching my late twenties and think that I have had depression for most of my life.  It is extremely embarassing to me, and I have never been treated, probably because I know that such labels stick and I do not want to be known as unstable or placed on medication.  I had hoped that not recognizing the problem would reduce it, and sometimes it does.  However, I am feeling the same kind of hopelessness I did in high school when ending the suffering by swallowing a bottle of pills seemed like a good idea.  (I am not suicidal enough to act on it...just trying desperately to prevent getting there.)  The agency of adulthood helped me find hope, motivation, and purpose, but in recent years I have lost all that.  (Snapshot: my father-figure grandpa died of cancer about the same time I moved to New York from Texas, struggled to succeed in an unfunded PhD program at an Ivy League, I 'quit' school with a masters degree in social science which is absolutlely useless in finding a job, and am now saddled with major debt.  In fact, my biggest issue right now is probably career failure and trying to figure out how to get back on track without filial or friend support networks, and little money to invest in career/educational development.)

Due to cost and time constraints, I have never attempted to speak to a professional until several months ago when I attempted to use my husband's EAP benefit to find a licensed psychologist at the doctoral level.  This allows 5 free (to me) sessions.  No one in my area could accept new patients.  (Yes, this seems odd to me too.)  I tried once since then, and ended up wasting an hour on the phone with a guy who gave me the same contact names as the psychologists who rejected me previously.  After that I decided to spend time trying to deal with my issue myself rather than ineffective bureaucracy. 

I suspect that if I could work out the career issue, other things would work themselves out, but after a year of being on the job market, I have had only a couple interviews and even been rejected from internships.  Every rejection is crushing and makes it that much harder to keep going, and in fact I do not even know why I am in my field anymore...so maybe I should deal with this depression thing.  But I still need help, so here I am.  Encouragement and constructive thoughts greatly appreciated.  Thanks for reading this far.

--Purple

Hi Purple,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.  Here you will find support and encouragement.  I am happy that you have joined us. 

Maybe you should get ahold of the people that they recommended and see what happens.  It couldn't hurt anything. 

I think dealing with depression for as long as you have might be an inclination that you could use medications.  I Know that you don't want to, but they have helped many of us. 

I Know that you feel that you would be labeled as a depressed person, but there are many in society today.  And many that do not have options to get treatment.  So take advantage of what you have. Maybe talk to your family doctor about this.  He/she could prescribe you medication that you need.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

Purple,

Don't defeat yourself before you have started. With every suggestion, you have a reason not to do it. This is negative thinking and that doesn't help you. Try the medications before you make a decision, same with the counseling. I have a site that might help you and that is free. I will post it for you.

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

This site is totally free and other members have said that it has helped them.  You can do it on your own time at your leisure.  Please do check it out.  I have not been there myself, but have had good comments from other members who have.

I know that when you are depressed everything seems so far away and difficult.  Try to take life one day at a time and take these suggestions one thing at a time.  Talk to your family doctor and see what he/she suggests for you.  You have to take some steps to get better.  And remember that we are all behind you and want to see you feel better.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Purple

I can totally relate to the school situation - I have been struggling to complete my Bachelor's degree. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just quit school, but as you have expressed, even a Masters degree will not land you a job and I don't even have a Bachelor's yet. I just keep telling myself to believe that I will complete school soon. I am thankful that I do have a family business that I can fall back on while I'm still in school, but it doesn't pay very much and I'm terrified of going out into the world and finding a job in my field.

I have been suffering from depression for several years now, although I only recently went to seek professional help. I tried so hard to ignore what my gut was telling me because I thought that if I ignored it enough it would go away and I was also afraid of being labeled. It wasn't until my boyfriend of 8 years left me that I went to see a doctor. My family doctor prescribed anti-depressants right away. I too am wary of taking medication and I told him that I would rather see a psychiatrist before considering medication.

I find that talking through my feelings helps a lot and I have chosen not to take medication. I am slowly making connections with friends whom I have distanced myself from over the years - just a phone call here, an email there. Eventually we'll work up to getting together, but now I'm just reliving those days of being the 'new kid in school': reintroducing myself. I agree with Karen, just remember to take one day at a time. If you have some spare time during the day, exercise helps too, even if it is just for 20 minutes.

I sincerely hope you find the help that you are seeking. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

Fiona

Good, insightful post, hep.