Relationships

I have never really done anything like this before, but I am becoming desperate for help. I have been in this relationship for 2 years now and engaged for one year. I really love him but lately I have just been getting more and more depressed. I have had a lot of infections so I cannot do as much as he wants me to do and holds it against me. I understand that is how a guy feels like he is in a true relationship, and he has never pressured me into anything. Lately however he has not been acting the same. Like today we were suppose to go to my families house to have a cookout and fireworks, but he woke up in a foul mood and doesn't want to go. He has laid around not wanting to do anything. I want to go to their house for fireworks and all, but I will just be lonely and upset the entire time. This has caused me to just want to lay around all day and not do anything. I have lost my appetite and just want to be alone. My family does not understand why I won't come without him, but I will be very lonely watching fireworks sitting by myself and just wishing he was with me. Their house is 30 minutes away so I know I will get upset on the way there and on the way back. Please help me. I need my relationship back to normal, to where I feel like I am loved and not like I am being hated. I just feel so distant that I want to cut myself off from the world and not have anyone in my life. This scares me because I have never been like this and I do not like it at all.

Hi Icarus

I think you have to start your own thread so that you can  get answers that are just for you. You have attached your thread to the end of someone else's so you might not get the right advice. Why don't you try starting your own thread.

Hi Relationship

I agree with Karen, I think you should have gone to your parents and had a great time. I would have just to show him that you don't need him to have a good time, and remember YOU DON'T. Why do you let him make you feel like you can't do anything or go anywhere if he doesn't want to go? If I were you I would try and gain some self independence.

It sounds to me like there is some boredom in your relationship, which, I have got to say I am not surprised at, if all both of you want to do is lie around the house all day on the lounge. It's your summer, you should be outside doing what other young people do, bike ride, go to the beach, mow the lawn, weed the garden, go roller blading, anthing but lie around the house. Maybe you need to talk about a few things, but do it outside in the fresh air.

I understand you haven't been well but perhaps a walk in the sunshine would do you both the world of good.

I'm glad you went to your family's house. Maybe your relationship needs a break to get back on track again. Why don't you move home with your family for a little while, still see him but at least that way you are not in each other's space all the time. He sounds like a normal sort of guy who enjoys doing things with his friends as well as you. If you give him a bit of space for a while and see what happens.

You know that saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? That is what I would probably do. Keep posting and let me know how you are going.

hey.....what i m going to tell you is a little different than everyone else....its actually quite simple.. you go and confront him with whatever you are feeling...i know people will say never do that....he might get upset or whatever...but its probably nothing and you are just thinking too much about it...if you feel something tell it to your partner....do not say something like you have changed or something...instead ask him if somethings wrong...ask him if you have done something wrong...tell him how you feel....maybe its nothing what u think it is....maybe its just some problem at work or something....you ll knw everything once you talk about it...talk talk and talk.....dont impose or blame anything on him...we guys dont like blames even when its our fault....just discuss the issue.....and you ll find out that its nothing.......and yea relations do get stale after sometime so keep on doing things that ll keep him wondering....do funny things....relationships are all about loving and enjoying yourself....thats what you both need to do.....feel comfortable with him...and talk to him about what you feel and want to do.....

take care and god bless....its very simple...try it....

Hi Cutemakker,

Welcome to the forum. Please feel free to start a thread of your own and introduce yourself.

Hugs, Karen

You are thinking in your head too much and you two are not talking.  You guys might need a jump start by going to a couples counselor who can help you with communication skills and all that good stuff.  But I do seem to see a couple red flags here....first of all, you are making all the effort, going nuts trying to think of stuff for you two to do, and he is just laying around.  When a relationship starts pulling you down and there seems to be more bad than good, as hard as this sounds, it is time for you to reevaluate the relationship.  Nobody should have that much control over your moods.  I think (I know this sounds harsh)  that you possibly went to your families house thinking you wouldn't have a good time instead of staying open to having a good time, so it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Like if a good kid is told over and over he is bad, he will start to think that and his behavior becomes bad.  Sometimes we set ourselves up for disappointment which can make us feel depressed.  For instance, I know without a doubt if I go to my husband to talk about something negative, he will shut me down.  I, who expected that this ONE time he would listen (even tho I know better), am all disappointed and crash into depression.  These are the kind of cycles relationships can get into and if it continues, the relationship will suffer.  I think right now you two are pulling each other down and if you don't fix this downward spiral, it will only get worse.  Really, if you two cannot resolve this yourselves, consider some professinal help.