Posted 8/3/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Layla,
I understand completely what you are going through. I moved roughly 300 miles away from where I lived for 21 years, about 8 years ago and never really made one, true friend. When I was 23, I met a man who lived in my town and we started dating and eventually, I moved in with him, got pregnant, we got engaged. I ended up having a miscarriage of twins and in the same year almost lost my mother. A year later, I ended up with a bacterial infection of my large intestines and during the time I was deathly sick, my ex fiance' made me move back home with my mother, where I have been residing for the past 4 years now. Fast forward to now, and I'm making frequent trips down to visit my friends and family from my hometown, and I start dating someone I went to high school with who was always a great friend. A few months later, I end up pregnant again, now at the age of 29. I just recently lost the baby and needed surgery done and am coping with that, along with generalized anxiety that has gotten severe, and mild depression. The father of the baby left me while I was pregnant, and I have been stuck up here like a hermit, in my mother's house. I spend most of my time on the computer, talking to friends or doing other things. I rarely ever leave my house, but this was going on before I started dating my most recent ex, my old friend. After I started seeing him, I was getting out of the house more, spending time with old friends, etc. When things went bad with him, they did with me also. I had to wean off of an anxiety medication called Klonopin (Clonozepam) because it was harmful to the baby. Once I saw my Psychiatrist, she put me on the anxiety medication again and that same night, was when I started miscarrying. I have been in the hospital 4x and each time, I was sent home with "good vital signs" and nothing wrong. After my ex and I split, I was having such bad withdrawals from the Klonopin, I was having spasms in my arms and legs, I could barely walk, I had severe burning in my stomach, all of my muscles felt like they were unable to be used because I was very weak, and many, many more things. Now, I'm still in my mom's house, mainly by myself most of the time. I know I went into a lot of details here, but I wanted to try and let you know that you're not alone. I never want to leave my house. I actually went to church with my mother the other day, and decided to rush out of there when mass was over, because someone I knew was in there..And I didn't want to discuss my loss or anything else that was going on. Therapy doesn't help me either, and I've gone to a few different therapists. It's slim pickings though where I live, because I have medicaid. The breathing exercises do not help and I can talk to my family if need be, or a good friend. But maybe you should attempt to try it again, because that's what I'm going to do. I know I need some kind of help. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me an email. Just remember, you're never alone. Wish you all of the best and take care.
Jesse