help for parents

Hi nduser1,

Being he is 18, that could mean that the doctor isn't going to correspond with you because he is an adult.  I would talk to the doctor about this and find out. 

I thank God that they are working with your son.  He is probably in good hands right now.  But I would contact the doctor, maybe there is a waiver he can sign that would give you access to what is going on.  I am not sure. 

Please keep posting and let us know what is going on.

Hugs, Karen

There are waivers and forms your son should be able to sign so that the doctors can keep you informed as well about his treatment. They should be keeping you in the loop anyways seeing that you are his parents, but as a legal adult, they are only required to talk to him. I would just ask for the waivers/forms they make you sign releasing his medical information and treatment information to you. Surely someone there is considerate enough to find those for you.

--Che

Assuming you're in the US, you could file an emergency petition with the court to ask for temporary guardianship of your son. You can contact your local Bar Association to ask for a recommendation of a couple lawyers in your area who practice that area of law. If the court grants you guardianship, the doctors have to communicate with you & you would have the right to make medical decisions on behalf of your son.

Realize, though, that such a move might result in your son being angry with you for a very, very long time to come. These choices are very hard to make.

The others are right that he could sign a waiver allowing his psych to talk to you. Generally those conversations are still rather limited, but at least it would be something. Your son has the right to revoke that permission at any time by writing a short letter to the psych asking him not to talk with you any more. Or if the psych thinks it would be detrimental to your son's treatment, even if your son has given permission the psych doesn't have to share things with you.

All of those drugs are sometimes prescribed to people with depression or bipolar disorder. It's hard to say whether they're the best treatment for your son. At 18, he might benefit from seeing a pediatric psychiatrist who also works with young adults. Twenty-somethings and under tend to experience more side effects from medications & some doctors are more aware of what all those side effects are than others.

As far as thinking he doesn't fit the symptoms of depression/bipolar, it does seem like something is going on. You describe him as calm & relaxed, but he did try to kill himself. I've been in that situation myself. I've had friends in that situation. I've advocated for suicidal people & have worked in a crisis call center. Maybe your son is the exception, but I've yet to talk to someone who attempted suicide who wasn't thinking about it for months prior. And surviving, even though ultimately that is the ideal outcome, is very stressful. Some people really regret trying. Some really regret failing. But the emotions tend to be overwhelming.

Many people can feel a lot of energy after a suicide attempt. Sometimes it's a positive rush but other times it's just nervous energy. This has a lot to do with brain chemistry & what chemicals are released when the body thinks it's dying and almost nothing to do with the person's personality. So it's possible that the doctors are just trying to get his rushing thoughts to slow down to a normal pace & will take him off it later. But it's also possible that he is like I was and has these almost obsessive thoughts about killing himself that he wants to stop but can't make go away. I was on (and still am on) an anti-convulsant (Lyrica) and that really helped more than anything with getting the thoughts under control. I was so tired from it all the time, but now I'm on much less & the thoughts are better [until the last 2 days when I've been struggling, but probably partly that's b/c my hormones are totally out of whack].

I don't know if you were really asking this, but I can share what was helpful for me when I was having a rough time. Mostly it helped to have my parents visit me whenever my friends couldn't come so I always had a visitor at visiting hour. It helped when they stopped telling me how hard the whole thing was on them. It helped when they talked to me like normal, rather than treating me like some feverish five-year old who needed to hear about how everything in the entire world was just wonderful. It helped when they said what they thought to me, rather than to other people (people ALWAYS talk & hearing that your dad thinks you just need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps from your uncle in Georgia is much worse than hearing that same painful statement directly from your dad). It helped more than anything when they told me they thought I was smart enough to plan my recovery, but that if I could think of anything they could do to let them know & they'd try to help [the social worker told them not to offer any help, but I'm glad they did; I tried not to take advantage of that offer too much but sometimes I needed them].

I don't know. I hope something I wrote helps. If not, I'd say it might be helpful to find a counselor for yourself. My mom said it was good to be able to talk about how much me trying to end my life hurt her & made her feel like she did something wrong to a counselor. So maybe it could help you. In any case, I wish you well & wish your son complete healing.

peace,
frances

Hi there,

I suffer with obsessive thinking and they put me on abilify and it really helps.  Somethnig like that may be good for him too.  I sure do hope that things get better for all of you.  I am glad that he is okay with you getting information from the doctor.  Things will get better for you all the way around.

Keep posting, this is a wonderful forum.

Hugs, Karen

Nduser,

Have faith that your son's thinking will come around.  As they work with him, it will be gradual.  But you will see some things change. 

As for the smoking, as long as he is around his friends he is going to be tempted to, but I would look at it this way, at least he isn't drinking.  That is far worse.  I am not going to say anything further as we are not to discuss it on the forum.  It is against the rules. 

Your son is getting help now, that is such a good thing.  Have faith that he is going to get better and want to continue living.  Keep your chin up, he will come around.  He has asked for help in his way, and he is receiving it now.  You will see improvement.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen

 

today he said they were considering ect. it's only been two weeks since he's been on the meds. any thoughts about this? success stories, side effects etc.

nduser,

this would be my first post advising someone, so I wouldn't expect it to be great.

Like Siobhan, I'm also a teen (16) that has put up with the suffering alone instead of opening up to people around me, and it has cause alot of havoc.
I, although not being admitted into hospital for it, had attempted         because of alot of time spent alone with a feeling that there is no-one out there that will listen to me and that I can freely talk to without being judged. It's a hard feeling to explain, and you can't completely understand how it feels until you have gone through it in a personal experience. Unlike her, however, the reasoning for depression, I caused mine (I Believe) internally.

I was spending way too much time holding myself down with thoughts that I'll just weigh people down, so I started to push most of my closest friends away, even if that involved hurting them, to make them realise I wasn't worth any of their time. After maybe two weeks, I only had about three people that still didn't hate me, and I became really lonely, so I made a person, a person out my thoughts and wishes; the person I wished I was, both in Image and in Personality; and called him Jesse. He was tall, slim, and had an awesome fashion sence (well, I thought so). I could tell him anything, and he'd help me through anything I needed help with.

Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that even if he keeps himself active with his friends, or with something he enjoys doing, there's always times that thoughts and memories will always catch up with him, and yes, they will take their toll, one way or another. One thing that alot of Parents can't see, no matter how close the families are, is when a child is going through something that could lead to a case similar to your son. Make sure he knows that no matter what time of day or night, that there's always someone there that can help him and listen to him. I also suggest maybe finding something creative he is good at to persue, this can help express feelings, I write songs and poems, for example.

Hope that this helps,
All the best,
J, x

I had to edit a word out of your post, we are not to discuss suicide.  Thanks for understanding my friend.

Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/22/2010 6:57:30 AM (GMT-6)

I am trying so hard to respond by not breaking any rules, but yes it is becoming legal there so maybe that is the basis for his decision.  To be honest, he could be doing worse things.  As I mentioned before, alcohol, harder drugs etc. 

Though I hate to see him waste his talents.  It sounds like he needs to grow up and get his priorities straight.  You may not be able to stop his actions.  Just pray for him to find the right direction to go in.  I am sorry that your son is doing what he is doing.  I hope that he realizes that he needs an education to further himself in life.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen

he goes to art therapy sometimes and music listening but other than that he isn't getting any "therapy." today he said he was feeling better and the cogentin has helped with the involuntary muscle movements caused by the luvox. don't know if the meds are working and he truly is feeling better as he has a good poker face. i'd like to believe the meds are kicking in since it's almost been two weeks. he state of mind seemed better and one of his visitors was the parent of a friend who said she was suicidal until she was treated with prozac. she was extremely candid and said that when she had those thoughts she would tell her self that she could always 'off' herself tomorrow thus prolonging her life.

i know he's had a good relationship with her over the years, so it must've come as a surprise to hear that. he also said the head of psych doesn't want to approve any ect at this time. i think that's a good idea too. he's having fun playing cards with his friends right now and he mentioned that he'd like to get into better shape. so that sounds promising but it's too soon to think he's not out of the woods because he had a couple of good days.

i would imagine that he still may get those suicidal thoughts at times but that he hopefully will be able to silence them through positive coping skills. can i ask those if it's normal to take a step forward and another two back or is slow and steady more the course or does it vary for each person?

my son was discharged last week. we went to the outpatient counseling center for an intake and he'll be assigned a therapist and psych doctor at the end of the month. he says he's okay but then again he's always said that. he appears to be okay but then again he always appeared that way. i hope that he is honest with us and will reach out instead of doing something drastic again.

just wanted to thank everyone on the board who responded with advice and support for this crisis we're going through. best wishes to all of you for your kind thoughts.

This is going to take time and a lot of work.  Do you think he can get a leave of absence for work?  I do agree too that pulling a double shift would have been too much anyway.  I am sorry that he felt uncomfortable there.  But in time, I think he will be able to go back to work. 

There is going to be an adjustment process with the medicaions too.  Lithium, I believe, is a strong drug.  He may feel lathargic with it for awhile.  But I think it will level off as it starts to work.  I have never taken it though, but there are some members who have I do believe. 

Keep an eye on him, but not so much that it makes him feel uncomfortable.  But at first he may want to sleep more.  I think that this is normal, as long as he comes around within a week or so.  If longer, you could call the doctor and let him know.  It is hard adjusting to new medications, and he is young, and that makes it extra difficult I think. 

Keep posting and let us know what is going on.  Best wishes to you for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen

Relax and take this one step at a time.  It isn't the end of the world if you can't go to Disney.  I know that you wanted to celebrate with your wife, but this is more important right now.  So accept this and take it as it comes.  You and your wife can do something different I guess and still be happy.  Your son needs you both right now and that is so important at this point. 

Breathe, slowly.  In through the nose and out through the mouth.  Called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. 

It might be time for you to think about some extra help for you.  Like counseling for example.  You could use the extra support right now.  Think about it.

I hope that things work out and that your son gets better soon.

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen