Trying to cope with all the stress

Well...since I am new I guess I tell you a little bit about my self and why I am here

I am 16, I live in a house with my gram-pal Dad, and stepmom....I have a older sister but she moved away. I also live in Missouri. Small town. Well, it all happened when I was 7, my mom got lung cancer and when she was laying in her bed, at our house I just hugged her tightly before she died, me being 7 I really didn't know what was going on. Next morning I really didn't know what happened, mom was gone, and I kept asking "Where is she" They never really told me....well thats when my dad went a little....physo, he couldn't cope with what happened and started drinking and doing some drugs, weed, heroine. and wouldn't come home till later hours of the night (11pm+) even though he got off at work at 7pm....Now my dad became rather violent when drunk, he of course yelled at me and told me that it was my fault my mom died and everything, few times I was hit and thrown. Well when I was around 9. My dad got back together with someone. and soon who would be my step mom...she's not to great either....well we soon moved in later with my gramp because our rent kept getting jacked up higher and higher. Well, skip to today, dad is married to the same person. The beatings stopped, now I only get yelled at by my dad and step-mom for almost no reason, or for really little things, the only thing my dad does now is slap me in the back of the head rather hard which make my ears ring.

Well, a little more about me, I am a closet gay, and a furry. I am in a long term almsot 1 year relation ship with a guy in Texas, which is 20. Well...when I got a cellphone, my dad didn't like out of state calls and blocked all his numbers and other out of state friends I could really talk to because I could relate, and now that I cant really vent my feeling out....I get really depressed...also our new house I dont have a room, so I live in thel iving room and I just cant really cry out in the open.

So to pretty much wrap it all up, I just wish I could talk to someone. Or tell someone everything without getting yelled at or called out for it..which is why im here. I have Clinical Depression which makes it worse. I just wish everything was going better. Everyday I think about ending my life and I guess only thing that keeps me from doing it is the love of my life, which is hard to still go by when I hardly get to talk to him anymore by emails

Thank you Shadow. If you need my email here it is  I have msn and yahoo messager.

I promise you I wont hurt myself

But as in talking to my boyfriend. I cant talk to him anymore only through emails...which makes me more stressed because I miss him

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/11/2010 7:33:33 AM (GMT-6)

Hey hey,

I'm sorry all this bad stuff has been happening in your life.. small town Missouri isn't the most equipt with resources for depression and other difficult situations..especially when everyone knows your business..(I'm from Missouri as well if you couldn't guess) =P Also hard to deal with people not understanding why you act the way you do, dress the way you do, speak, etc etc. I've dealt with a lot of closeminded people around here and where I go to school...so you're not alone. And I hope you find some way to keep in touch with your boyfriend that your father doesn't find out about =\ Does your boyfriend have Yahoo messenger, AIM, etc? Maybe you guys can talk through there. Or make your own chatroom on one of those websites that let you create your own? Just throwing out ideas. Maybe they don't even have those sites anymore...

Anywho, just know that we're here for you. If you need to talk and vent, this is the place to do it.

--Che

I just really want to thank everyone here for helping me, I was wondering if those sucide hotlines are free for me to call or do they charge?

And please add me on messagner if you want to help me, i would be a lot easier. Once again thank you

I removed your email as anybody could get it and that is not safe.  Please add it in your profile so that only members can see it.  This is for your own safety.

Hugs, Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/8/2010 7:19:05 AM (GMT-6)

if you need any more people to talk to my bf and I would be happy to. He has dealt with an abusive father, lived in a small rural town and was isolated from his friends. Plus he's a furry too. As for me, I've lived with clinical depression for a few years now and i'm a closet bi woman. we both have one of the IM's you mentioned so if you someone to vent on, ask questions, or just have a friendly chat with, just let me know and i'll send you our contact info.

:)

ok, i have my yahoo screen name on my profile now. just send me an invite on yahoo and once we start chatting, i'll give you my bf's screen name. or if you put ur yahoo screen name on ur profile i'll send you an invite. which ever way you want to work it. talk to you soon! :)

I wanted to make sure that you saw my edit, I gave you a site that might help you hon. I really feel bad for you. Know that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen