Relationships ruined me or I ruined relationships !

Hi everyone,
I've posted here before but today I'm going to go abit more in detail about myself hopefully I would get responses helping me figure things out.
I'm an only child to my parents. At the age of 8- 10 years my elder cousin brother would sexually abuse me. I grew up pretty lonely as I got older I dated alot of guys and left them for a better one. I have had three boyfriends with whom I was for a span of few months,except the last one with whom my relation ended and I was in depression. Anyhow whenever I was in these relations I ended up cheating on the guys.except my last boyfriend whom I just loved beyond limits however he didn't trust me for obvious reasons so I lived in his shadow becoming mad working hard to gain his trust eventually he left me for another woman. It broke me completely.
Recently I have been seeing my best friend. I had been to a trip to another city and my girlfriends called their guy friends over. It freaked me out as my best friend and me have a long distance,so I never told him but he found out. He said I lied and his trust in me was broken.I felt shattered when he accused me of cheating the way I had with my other boyfriends. Being my bet friend he knew everything. I felt bad as I had sworn to never ever cheat on any guy. He would keeping treating me bad n I was torn between him and missing my ex who I loved alot.
Today he accused me of lying yet again ! It hurts me caz today it felt all wrong. A couple of days back I went out with my friends I informed him but called him only after I returned home. When I did he was annoyed asked me who I was sleeping with I said I was with friends that soon he would see pictures of us. He asked me to tell him where I was etc. And I did.... And today he says I never told him I do been to my friend (a girls) house !
I really felt angry as I knew I was telling the truth. We fought and he abused me and asked me about who I had slept with. He said I ha lied once I could lie to him always that once a cheater always a cheater. He broke up with me.
I feel sick and hurt and lonely. Today when I haven't done anything I was accused and abused and left ! I loved my ex so much and I worked so hard was humiliated by people but I still worked hard to gain his trust. And today I haven't done anything still I'm in a place where I have ruined another relation.
I hate myself. I feel depressed and hurt and hatred for myself. I have hurt alot of people and hence I'm getting it all back.
I wish it stopped.

Do you think my image as a cheater would ever go away? Why do I cheat?

I'm so sorry your boyfriend thinks he can't trust you...from what you said in your post it doesn't seem like you've given him a reason to be worried, overbearing, jealous..etc. I think the only reason he's being this way towards you is probably in regards to your past somewhat, but mostly because it's the type of person he is. I've been in a relationship before where the guy had to know who I was with and what I was doing all the time and he always yelled at me when he didn't approve of some innocent hanging out with friends, and he always blew things out of proportion. If he physically abused you, obviously you should report it. Maybe it would put some sense into him and teach him that he can't treat you like that, or any person for that matter. Just know that if you two were meant to be together, things will work out. Have confidence that you know you didn't do anything to him or cheat. This is just my opinion, but men like this guy you've described...don't change, or...rarely change I should say..there's always that one person...you've probably heard it all before. Even when your relationship doesn't consist of him accusing you of cheating, I bet he still puts you down and makes you question your own motives, even if you know you haven't done anything wrong.

Think about it this way, his actions are directly related to his personality and his temperment over-all. Just because you've cheated in the past, a guy with a good head on his shoulders and a respectful guy at that, who understands how people behave, would know that people change and that you are not the person you were in the past. Breakups are hard, but I do believe he will try to talk to you and work things out if he truely loves you and you love him.

This isn't the type of relationship I would want to have with someone, perhaps you just need a fresh start. If you don't cheat and haven't cheated on anyone for awhile, there is no reason why your "image" as you said, should be a problem if you find someone that you feel right with.

--Che

Annie,

It sounds like he is a selfish person who wants to control you. He probably doesn't even feel bad about the things he says to you. It isn't in him. I would move on now. Actually you have been released from the dungeon of a jealous man. And when your partners start accusing you of things, it usually means they are doing that themselves.

I hope that you are feeling better. Let me know.

Hugs, Karen

Could be Annie, I don't know for sure. But I can tell that you really love him, I just don't want him to hurt you in any way.

Keep posting my friend. Know that we all care about you. I for one, would talk to him about the way that he treats you. Maybe it will just take time. IDK...

Here for you.

Hugs, Karen

All I know is that people can say some awful mean things when they are angry.  And it can come out of nowhere and knock the wind out of us.  Go with your heart.  If you can't get over it then go that way, but if you can, go the other.  Hopefully time will heal all wounds.  But it can take awhile. 

One day at a time.  Don't make any decisions if you are upset.  Give it time.  I think you will know what is the right thing to do when the time comes. 

Hugs, Karen