HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Very reluctant to post this but:

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/17/2010 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
From the age of 13 to about 22 I was constantly depressed, as of today I am almost completely rid of it. I was raised in a family where emotion is non-existant so naturally I am very stubborn and reluctant to post something like this, anyway more to the point of the matter:

More than a year ago now, I was still really depressed when I met this girl over the internet at first we were just friends but then I kept talking to her and before I knew it she had helped me get over my depression without even knowing about it and we've got so much in common that its ridiculous. My biggest reserve with the whole thing, is I live in Kansas, and she lives in Canada so im not completely sure how she would react to a relationship over that distance. While we were talking shes told me so much about herself, and I just want to know more, as I said we have several things in common, likes, dislikes, etc, even numerous sexual jokes have been exchanged(Normally coming from her side). But a short while back her brother took his computer back that she was using to talk to me(Shes 20, living with her parents and going to college). Once she got the computer back(about a month and a half later) we could only talk on facebook instead of the previously used Yahoo Messenger and she just doesnt seem as interested in me now. Im thinking of making a move but im reluctant because every time I've EVER made a move to make anyone a friend or more ive been shot down hard. Ive taken a few online quizzes(Yeah i know) and all but one have said that she thinks of me as more than a friend and I really want a real relationship with her but I just dont know what to do. I cant ask my family or friends due to my upbringing so my only choice is to anonymously post here. Sorry if this doesnt qualify as depression forum mods but I figured since my depression was playing a serious factor in this that it would qualify. I just need some outsiders points of view on this subject since I cant stop condesending myself about it.
Posted 8/17/2010 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
Someone else posted about this topic a few days ago and I think what I said to them applies to your situation too. In your case, I would talk to her about your feelings--put it out in the open. Tell her how you really feel and what you would like to try and pursue(a relationship) and see what her thoughts are on the topic. The hard part about that is it might be difficult for you to try and communicate that with her. Maybe it makes you nervous, but I would put those jitters aside and throw it all out on the table. I had a similar situation with a few online friends and I've met three of them. With one, I had feelings for him. I live in Missouri and he lives in Indiana...not quite the distance you're talking, but still similar. We have yet to try the distance (long story) but with all feelings and emotions out there in the open, it feels a lot better. Our friendship is stronger and we keep an open friendship so when something happens, it's talked about. I would advise you to go for it in all honesty..otherwise you could regret it. Nothing much to lose now. If she isn't ready for that, try not to beat yourself up over it. It might make your depression seem more prominent, but we're here for you if you need us for support.

Good luck!

---Che
Posted 8/18/2010 12:51 AM (GMT 0)
Only advice I have is to be sure that you'd be okay living in Canada all by yourself with no family or friends nearby if she splits. I've seen too many friends relocate, break up within a week & then get super depressed b/c they're broke, all alone & in a city thousands of miles from friends and family. As long as you'd like living in Canada anyways, then go for it. :)
Posted 8/18/2010 7:58 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you vballplayingirl I will take your opinion into consideration when I finally make my decision with this


Adding a tidbit of information on this: Once, about a month after we met, she was still dating another guy while I was talking to her on Yahoo Messenger I was typing out the sentence "Do you need me to help?" when my finger slipped and I hit enter too soon and it resulted in it saying "Do you need me". Im a fairly fast typer and before I could even type "to help" she said "Well since you put it so bluntly, No". This is another moment that is throwing me off the trail a bit.

@Frances_2008 Thanks but thats not a worry I have since its more than likely that that particular situation would be reversed(Her moving down with me) as most of her likes are down here(Horseback riding, hiking, etc)

Also, bump
Posted 8/19/2010 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
Does anyone else have an opinion on this? She told me today that she is going to be moving out of her parent's house and I think if i pass up this oppurtunity I wont have another. What should I do here?
Posted 8/20/2010 2:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I have been reading your posts. I wanted to ask how old you are now and

how old is this girl you are interested in? Coming right out and asking her to

move near you may scare her away. I would take this slowly. You said she is

in college. Is she going to be finished soon or is she finished with school? What do you do now? Are you in school or working? Has she indicated to you that she would be interested in moving to Kansas? You say she is dating others.

Since you have never met each other I would be cautious in your approach.  Where in

Canada does she live? Would it be possible for you to take a trip to meet her?

I just think you need to consider all the possibilities before acting on trying to

have a real relationship. You may meet her and find out that the two of you

are not suited to each other. I am by no means trying to discourage you. I think if you have a real interest in her then pursue this but I would advise doing

so armed with more information about her. You don't want this to all blow up in your face and be hurt. You do live quite a distance away from her. Aren't there any nice girls in Kansas? I would like to know that things work out for the best for you but I also don't want you hurt and then not being able to move ahead and meet someone else. If it is meant to be  you will find that out. Do you know that if she is moving out of her parents house where she does want to go to?

Aurora

Posted 8/20/2010 7:49 AM (GMT 0)
@ Aurora Ive considered all of the possibilities, As my name may imply I use psychology in every aspect of my life, thus making me a very logical thinker. And as for your question, im not interested in "nice" girls. There isnt a spec of intelligence to be found in a single female in kansas, which is what i am interested in.
Posted 8/20/2010 9:31 AM (GMT 0)
maybe it is time to not use it. life flows in ebbs and waves, and some things need not be over analyised. take care, jamie.
Posted 8/21/2010 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
I understand your desire to be with an intelligent girl. But I find it rather arrogant and

insulting to all of the many intelligent and charning girls that do live in Kansas. Surely

there are some. You mentioned that your Canandian friend did not seem as interested as before. Have you personally spoken to her by phone? I appreciate that you took the

time to answer my last post,  however,  you neglected to answer specific questions I asked you. You said you are 22, are you still that age or are you older now? You didn't mention anything else about this girl other than your attraction to her She is in college but not yet finished. You said she told some jokes of a sexual nature. Do you think that

demonstates intelligence? You seem to have high standards in what you would like in

female companionship and that is good. Just don't overlook someone who has good qualities and other attributes that are appealing. I am not trying to be hard on you. I just

want you to take your time with this and really think through all aspects of a relationship. I only speak from the experience I have had with my son. He had a four plus year relationship with a very beautiful and intellingent young woman. They were together in the same city for two of those years. Then she went away to get a masters degree at a very prestigious university. They kept the relationship going and became

engaqed. The wedding was all planned, we were all so happy. And then it disintegrated  and they broke up. My son is in his 30s. He is now so glad he did not marry her. A lot of thought and care was put into that relationship but even then it didn't work. So I guess what I am saying is take your time, get to know someone.

And try not to be such a narcissist. I don't think that is a quality an intelligent girl would find admirable.

Aurora

Posted 8/21/2010 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
For the record, I am now 23 and she is now 20. The sexual jokes were not meant to demonstrate her intelligence, but rather her easygoingness and possible interest. Frankly though, its become quite apparent that she likes the narcissist part as I tend to be rather funny when I am demonstrating the fact that I am a narcissist.
Posted 8/22/2010 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
You seem to be a young man who knows what he wants. I wish you the best of luck

and I do hope you will post and let us all know how things are working out for you.

A positive outlook is a good thing.

Aurora

Posted 8/22/2010 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks....I think.
Posted 8/22/2010 8:37 AM (GMT 0)
PSYCH/N. YOU ARE BEING YOU. THIS IS A GOOD THING. WE ARE WHO WE ARE, SO BE YOU. LIFE IS TOO SHORT, JAMIE.

THE MAD PROFESSOR.
Posted 8/23/2010 7:27 AM (GMT 0)

PsychologyNarcissist said...
From the age of 13 to about 22 I was constantly depressed, as of today I am almost completely rid of it. I was raised in a family where emotion is non-existant so naturally I am very stubborn and reluctant to post something like this, anyway more to the point of the matter:

More than a year ago now, I was still really depressed when I met this girl over the internet at first we were just friends but then I kept talking to her and before I knew it she had helped me get over my depression without even knowing about it and we've got so much in common that its ridiculous. My biggest reserve with the whole thing, is I live in Kansas, and she lives in Canada so im not completely sure how she would react to a relationship over that distance. While we were talking shes told me so much about herself, and I just want to know more, as I said we have several things in common, likes, dislikes, etc, even numerous sexual jokes have been exchanged(Normally coming from her side). But a short while back her brother took his computer back that she was using to talk to me(Shes 20, living with her parents and going to college). Once she got the computer back(about a month and a half later) we could only talk on facebook instead of the previously used Yahoo Messenger and she just doesnt seem as interested in me now. Im thinking of making a move but im reluctant because every time I've EVER made a move to make anyone a friend or more ive been shot down hard. Ive taken a few online quizzes(Yeah i know) and all but one have said that she thinks of me as more than a friend and I really want a real relationship with her but I just dont know what to do. I cant ask my family or friends due to my upbringing so my only choice is to anonymously post here. Sorry if this doesnt qualify as depression forum mods but I figured since my depression was playing a serious factor in this that it would qualify. I just need some outsiders points of view on this subject since I cant stop condesending myself about it.

Thanks you for the post.
__________________
watch free movies online
Posted 8/26/2010 7:59 AM (GMT 0)
May I ask why carolyn? That post confused me a bit.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply