cazoo,
Don't sell yourself short. You have enough strength to reach
out to this support group who are here for you. Nobody can know the
wretchedness of this disease unless they've been there.
It can get better. You can get better as you work with your doc and the meds
and staying in touch with one or two trusted friends.
Don't give up hope. Easy to say I know, and sometimes it just isn't there. but you will persevere. You already have and you will continue to.