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Can't do this anymore...

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Depression
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Posted 11/6/2010 7:52 AM (GMT 0)
I need help to want to live again...

 

I am 16, and i have been extremely depressed for 4 years now. I feel like nothing in my life is going right.

 

I have no friends, and it really takes it's toll on me sometimes. I am trying to accept things for how they are, but accepting it makes me feel worse. I used to have aspirations, but now i don't have enough energy to do anything. i have no desire to try anything. i am sad all the time.

i am too young to have to fake my smile everyday. faking my happiness is making me feel even more depressed. Sleeping is the only thing that makes me happy. Because then my subconsious takes over and im not left alone with my own thoughts.

 

I have no where else to turn to. I cant talk to my parents, because i would never want them to know how i feel.

 

When high school started, and i didnt make any friends, i started to have my lunches alone in the school library. but after grades 8, and 9, i could do it anymore. i left public school to begin home schooling, but i haven't done anything school-wise. i just don't see the point. I dont want to do this anymore. I'm out of options. I know this may seem trivial, but my life Isn't even close to what I have wanted for myself. It seems that in this day and age you should already have your future mapped out. The only thing i have ever wanted to be, was a singer. but i dont have the confidence to persue it. It's the only thing that im good at, but it is the hardest thing to break into.

 

I have a job that I hate.

 

sad  just don't see the point of my living my life purely for my family's sake.

 

i dont know if anyone will ever read this, or if i'm posting this right, but it feels better to vent.

Posted 11/6/2010 11:07 AM (GMT 0)
Heej Life,

I am sorry for you feeling like this. Not too long ago I was 16 as well, and things weren't that great either. When I was that age, every day it become more apparent that I wasn't the perfect kid who had everything and did everything society expects from kids that age. To be honest, almost none of the people I know fit that bill. It is something we have to accept. You don't need to get perfect grades, be good at sports, have a good sense of humor and look pretty to have friends, be happy or be accepted.

I think talking to someone can help you a lot. Perhaps not your parents, but a counselor. If you keep this to yourself, I doubt if it will get any better. And trust me, it is worth the try. If it helps, you will notice you get more energy, more confidence.

If you never share how you feel, it is hard to make friends. I am still pretty young (20 atm), and if I look back at my time in high school there was a certain pattern in the way I made new friends. First there would be "forced" contact, like working on a project together or with sports, perhaps classmates. With some people you will find stuff you share, like music. So I would go to the people that had similar interests. But to get real friends I had to take the next step and that was sharing feelings and thoughts. I believe friendship is defined as a high amount of care for each other. The only way to create that bond is to share.

Anyway, I notice I am starting to ramble. To summarize I strongly advice that you seek someone to talk to. And I believe your parents should know how you feel. I know it feels like you are giving them a burden they shouldn't carry, but trust me, they rather carry that burden for you than see you collapse underneath it.

Take care, and feel free to keep venting :-)

Erik
Posted 11/6/2010 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
confused   confused

Hello done with life:

It really makes me sad that such a great sounding young man feels this way about himself.  I think the first thing you need to do is sit down and have a serious conversation with your parents, they will understand and want to do whatever they can to help you.

Everyone has to have someone to talk to, i am 40 years old and a mother of a 20 month old son.  My depression strated at a very young age and went on without ever going to the doctor to be treated, so you have to speak up now, because i still deal with depression and now for the last 6 years fibromyalgia has been added to the list.  I struggle each and everyday, but my son keeps me going and you have to much things in your life that you have not tackeld, but keep on working toward that goal of taking the fist step of healing by talking with your parents. 

Good luck!!!

Carrie/fibrodepression mom

 

Posted 11/6/2010 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
And a resoundung, please, talk to your parents. They would not want to find out the hard way that you are suffering so. They will help you. If not them, go to a school counselor.

No, at your age it isn't normal to have your life mapped out, its the time you think of this, or that, and as you learn more about life, form a conclusion. Lots of people still don't know what to do after they've graduated. You aren't running behind.

As for friends, its better to have no friends than bad friends, so you're ahead there. Start with acquaintances, as was mentioned above. Get involved inn a school project, sport, choir, anything. You sound like you are faking it about being happy, well, that works because people don't want to get hit over the head with your problems right off the bat. What's so bad about your job?

Give it time.
This is where you can vent. Express thoughts, old and new. Try them on for size.
People are here for you.
Please continue to post.
Thinking of you,
Posted 11/18/2010 8:56 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the comments. I really didn't think anyone would read it. (I'm a girl btw). It's hard to make myself feel better because I don't feel anything anymore. I can't join any clubs to make friends because I am homeschooled, so I don't know what to do. I feel isolated from existance. I put up a happy sheild to keep people from prying in and seeing the real me. I can't go back to high school because everything would be like it is now. Except that it would be very public. I don't think I could talk to someone because i work so hard at this person I've become, that I wouldn't know how to tell the truth to someone. I can't talk to my parents because I don't want to shatter their happy thoughts of me. If I tell them the truth about how I feel I think they would feel guilty and I couldn't so that to them. I think that would be selfish. The only thing that helps me feel better is writing songs. I feel like I can breathe again. It's like my version if cutting. People cut to feel better, but I write songs instead. I think that's my version of therapy and so far I think it works pretty well.
Posted 11/18/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
Writing is very therapeudic. Continue to do that. That seems to be your release. I am happy that you have found that. I use to draw. Did some really wierd things when I was depressed, but it became some of my best work. So your writing could make you famous. If you want that.

I can understand why you would feel isolated. Being home schooled and not being around other young adults your age. I hope taht you have some friends that you have contact with. You need that.

I would not think your parents would feel guilty because you are depressed. They would more apt want to help you. But trust your instincts, maybe you can work this out by yourself. I will post some online sites that might help you too.

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that these sites help you and they are free.

Hugs, Karen

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