Badly in need of a support & motivation

Hi Pink,

Why is it that you can't get a different job? If you have put your applications in at places, just keep bugging them. That is what I did.

You can't hide anymore. You have to go to work to support yourself unless you file for disability for your mental health problems. Do you have any other health problems that would qualify you for disability? If not, work it is...

Do you have anxiety before work that you think some type of medication might help? Like xanax or valium? I take xanax for anxiety and it really does help. You might want to talk to your doc about that.

Just because counseling didn't help you before, doesn't mean it wont help you now. Maybe you have a different outlook on things, or just a different counselor might help. But I am going to list a couple of free counseling sites that might help you. And I highly recommend a book called "Feeling Good" By Dr. David Burns. I think it would help you.

I am a hard one for preaching about staying in bed because I did it for two years with fibromyalgia and depression. I didn't get out of the bed only to eat and use the bathroom or go to the doctor. I wasted two years of my life in bed. But I have learned from it and I do get out now, though it isn't easy. I can tell you to just do it, but I know that it isn't that easy. But you are at the point where you have to do something.

Do you ever meditate? It really helps to soothe the mind and soul. Maybe some meditation in the morning before you get up and about would help. Or even some motivating music. Something to help you to face the day. I know that it is hard, especially if you don't like your job. I know what you are going through. But you are stronger than you think you are. It took a lot of courage to come here and let things out. I truly give you credit for that. And I know that others will be on soon to offer their support. Keep posting, it does a person good to write things down and then read the feelings that you have written about. So keep it up.

I answered on quick reply so I have to edit my post to print the sites for you so that you can just click on them...

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

There you go my friend.  Thanks for visiting us.  I am sure that you will have more replies with ideas for you.

Hugs, Karen

PPink,
I'm assuming you don't live in the United States since you say you don't qualify for any other kind of work. That's really tough & a hard thing for most of us to imagine. Continuing to talk to your doctor about other meds & therapies that you can try is a good idea.
Other than that, I think about the only option is to try denial. Believe that the customers who are calling you are really, truly good people who are telling you the truth about their situation. Say out loud that you like your customers several times a day. I know that sounds crazy but my first job I was contracted for a year & a few months into it I was terribly depressed. I started sending out resumes to other organizations, doing the same kind of work but with different people -- which can make a big difference. Neurolinguistic research shows that when we say something, even if we don't believe it, it starts to change our thought process. By saying that I really liked my customers (I called them my "little angels" -- started out sarcastic, but eventually I could say it with a straight face), I began to change how I felt about my job. It still really wasn't the job for me, but I didn't hate my customers or dread going to work every day.

I'm not sure what kind of work you want to do, but there are private scholarship foundations around the world. One of those is The Rotary Foundation. The provide study abroad scholarships for students who have completed at least 2 years of undergraduate study (in any field) prior to their scholarship year -- they take applications 12-18 months ahead of time. Those scholarships tend to be for humanities -- medicine, peace studies, early childhood education, water & sanitation. They are one of the largest private scholarship foundations, but there are other options as well. Perhaps you can find a private scholarship that will allow you to train for a different field. But that is for the long term. For now, it is a matter of believing that your job is good, your customers are good, your co-workers are good -- until you can find another workplace, another field, or whatever other change may be required to help you feel happy and fulfilled at work. I agree with Karen that, based on personal experience, giving into the depression & staying home only gets worse with time. The longer you stay home, the harder it is to get motivated to go back to work. I got to the point where I was so terrified that I didn't even want to go to the town I worked in, then I didn't want to go to the next closest town, then I started ordering my groceries for delivery because I didn't want to leave my home, then I didn't want to go down to get my mail or do laundry, and finally I couldn't bring myself to leave my bedroom. At the end of the day, I lost that job I hated & that brought me into a deeper depression. It took me months to find other work & that was even worse -- the pay was a lot less, it had no benefits & the boss was totally psycho. Things are turning around now, but I would never make those choices again b/c they snowball too quickly. I would get out of bed & get dressed & go to work no matter how I felt about it.

I would post my dreams on my refrigerator so I remembered what I am working toward 5 years from now. I would focus on the positive & if there wasn't anything positive, I would make something up. I would do that job to the best of my ability, knowing that doing so would prepare me better for the next job I hold. And it would buy me some more time & money to try to get back in school to train for something else, rather than landing me unemployed & penniless, scrimping to buy food, never mind trying to pay for school or training. Please don't be as short-sighted as I was. Go to work if for no other reason than to make sure you can set yourself up for another, better job.

Hope that helps!
frances

I agree with you all. Allowing myself to focus on the negative thinnking only makes things spiral into a worse state of mind. I *will* claw my way out of this. One day at a time. Unfortunately the idea of a scholarship isn't possible....for a lot of reasons, but I just don't qualify for them...lonnnng story, but one day, if I work at it, I will achieve my goals. I have simple goals, but them seem overwhelming right now.

What are my goals? LOL I actually want to go from a full-time job in a call centre (where I am now) to be married to my wonderful man and working part-time in a job that I can actually *help* people at. I know though in order to get there I need to do this now. I need to work where I am working and stay above water, stay healthy....

My bf is a wonderful person, but I don't want to lean on him in a negative way. We have been together for 9 months. This is only the beginning! I don't want to lose my footing now when things are awesome between us. Besides, for my own mental health and well-being regardless if we stay together or not, I need to maintain a healthy lifestyle which includes getting up and going to work everyday.

I think I'll be back often, guys, to remind myself of my goals...to know that there are others who are going through there own struggles in life. I thank you for the support and encouragement. It means so much to me. :)

I have had bouts of depression my entire life, since I was three years old, actually. I have had multiple tests and they don't see any vitamin D or B problems that could be triggering this. Although I do get affected by the lack of sunlight. (I'm up at 4:30pm and not off work until 3:15pm...I don't get much sun, as I'm up before the sun rises and home usually as it's just starting to get dark. By the time I'm home and settled, the sun is definitely disappearing.)

I have had a lot of...drama and trauma in my life which doesn't help the depression. The "old self" I'm referring to, is the person I am able to be when I am with my bf on the weekends. I feel relaxed and protected around him. He listens and is extremely kind...All of this allows me to relax and not worry about work (my greatest stress). There are things that help with relieving the depression....uhm...the endorphines from...uhm...intimacy, for one thing. lol *blush*