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My boyfriends family hates me and it's destroying my self esteem.

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Posted 12/17/2010 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi guys,
I have been dealing with this since last summer when his sister came home from college. She's very antisocial and she used to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost a year and a half and were usually really happy. We live together and his sister lives in the same building with us on a different floor. She has disliked me since she met me but up until last Saturday I have still tried to be nice to her anyway. I was really good friends with my ex boyfriends family and I'm a pretty family oriented person. I would be so happy if everyone could just get along. Last weekend, his family had a Christmas party at their house. I went and brought some baked goods and once again was trying to be nice. I noticed that his sister was being exceptionally rude to me for some reason, but I just blew it off because she usually has an attitude. Later on at the party I found out why everyone(mostly his sister) but the others too, was acting strange. His sister had wanted his ex girlfriend to come to the party instead of me. They went out for four and a half years and were engaged. She's beautiful, and I feel threatened because I feel like im never going o be as good as her. His sister told everyone that I'm not good enough for her brother and she wishes he would get back with his ex. This whole thing has been really damaging to my self esteem. I've been comparing myself to her because I feel like that's what his family is doing every time they see me. This whole thing is making me so depressed! Please help!
Posted 12/17/2010 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
i am sooo sorry you are dealing with this.

be yourself , and don't compare yourself to others, because no one is the same. :)

everyone is different and special in their own way :)

they'll learn to love you, because they'll want the best for your boyfriend, and by treating him right and showing them how much you both care about one another, they will start to warm up to you, they will learn to care about you, it takes time.

just don't give up and keep your head high. :)

have confidence and faith that everything will be okay :)

take care and if you ever need anyone to talk to remember all of us here at healingwell are here to give you advice and words of encouragement whenever you need it :)

Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 12/17/2010 9:21:10 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/17/2010 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks. I'll try
Posted 12/17/2010 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning,

I am sorry this is happening to you and I have been in your position in a little different way...........so special hugs to you.

Perhaps you could discuss with your boyfriend your feelings and he could talk with his sister. 

No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who tick  us off or people who simply do not like us.  I’ve learned that when someone initiates negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression.


Many times when a person like your boyfriend' sister initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, they are trying to trigger a response from you. When you react, you  are actually giving them what they want. Let’s stop the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re looking for; don’t bother responding. As tough as this may be, don't let her get to you. She's most likely trying to get a rise out of you and that won't help the situation in the least.

You are a very special, unique, and valuable person. You  deserve to feel good about myself.

I wish you peace,

Kitt

 

Posted 12/17/2010 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,
Thank you fo your kind words. I have not seen his sister since last weekend so I'm pretty sure she has no idea how upset I am. I'm just a little anxious about Christmas and new years because I will probably have to see his whole family again. :( I'm not good at hiding my feelings. Especially when I'm anxious or upset..should I just try to pretend that everythings ok?
Thanks again
Posted 12/17/2010 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
Please try not to worry too much.  My husbands siblings never liked me and made some pretty harsh remarks over the years but the bottom line is we have been married for 27 years despite them.  All that matters is how you two feel about each other.  I married him not them.

Hope things work out.

Gem

Posted 12/17/2010 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
Gem,
Thanks for the support. It's so annoying to have difficult family members around. You are absolutely right. Im with him..not them. Thanks for the encouragement.
-britt <3
Posted 12/17/2010 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
britt,

I have been in family situations where people were nasty and rude to me and as I am somewhat sensitive I took it to heart.  Then one day I realized that I am a good person and the person being nasty owns this problem.

Go to the holiday gatherings with your head held high and know that this sister is just trying to stir the pot.  Don't let her but do let your boyfriend know you are feeling a bit anxious and to please stay within range of you.

I still ask my hubby to do this for me so I don't feel all alone in a crowd.  We have been married almost 40 years.

You go girl and have fun,  make good memories.

Christmas Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 12/18/2010 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,
Thanks again for the encouragement. Everyone on this forum ha helped me so much today.
-britt :)
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