Frustrated and in need of advice

I have been severely depressed since high school, but didn’t get treatment until panic attacks were added to the mix.  This was 16 years ago- since then I have been on a myriad of drugs and have seen several different therapists with varying degrees of success. I did what I was supposed to do: I stopped smoking, drinking, and cut out caffeine.

 

The problem is that I can’t see the point in living.  It seems like my life is a constant effort to keep from feeling bad and after all these years I am tired of trying.  When does it get better?  I have told this to my shrink several times and his answer is always just to increase my meds (it helps with the panic attacks, but not the depression).

 

My family is sick of hearing about it and fed up with my problems disrupting their lives.  I try not to expose that side of myself too much to my friends as I’m afraid they will react the way my family has.  Going out to meet people seems to make it worse as I can’t stop the negative thoughts about myself and I usually come home feeling much worse.

 

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have done what I am supposed to do….I have considered more extreme measures, like hospitalization, but don’t know if it would help.

 

Any help would be appreciated, thank you.

Well first off, you're trying. That's very good. Actually for sixteen years, that's extraordinary. So don't come down so hard on yourself. You've been fighting for a long time.

Secondly, my very first piece of advice to you is stop looking at yourself like a survivor. Start looking at yourself as a fighter and as a person who's making her way. I personally don't like your doctor's method. As for getting out there, if that's what you want there are ways to do that. If you don't feel too comfortable approaching people, take a class at a community college, just for fun. Say, cooking. If you like cooking then you'll automatically be around people who share a common interest with you and hence there's no need for you to be anxious about breaking ice.

Try to figure out what you like and what calms you and what makes you happy. I'm sorry your family is tired of your problems; I really wish family could be a little more productive and less negative. Still, direct the remorse into something positive. Painting is an amazing outlet. Read, write, draw. Just let yourself blank out. You'll find what you need in those moments.

And another thing, it's not wrong to just be introverted. I myself prefer being alone than around people. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just about what gives you comfort.

You can always message me if you'd like to just vent your problems to someone. I'd be happy to help out or just listen.