hi again my friends <3

so i have officially stopped being friends with everyone who at one point was close to me, i know that its not a good thing but i'm afraid to let anyone get close to me, i can't be close to anyone, i also feel like i make so many mistakes, i lash out too much i just feel like i'm useless, like i'm not who i used to be which was almost as bad but now its gotten even worse, grieving a loved ones death on top of everything has really continued to mess me up even more than what i was already, i dont want to feel this way ,I've given up, something i haven't done in a year almost, i thought i was okay, but i'm not. i will be seeing my psychiatrist in 3 days, maybe he can help me, because i really need it, the 2 medications he prescribed were too harsh on my body, anti depressants didn't heal the pain, or help heal it for that matter, sometimes i feel like maybe the fact that i took anti depressants might've made me more insane, but i'm just telling myself that, I've always been this way, as I've stated in my previous post's , i just feel like , i need to be happy but i can't force myself to be because that just makes me feel worse i feel like i'm not the daughter my mom deserves, i feel like i need to stop being so hard on myself but it is easier said than done.



thanks for listening to me, and for giving me advice whenever i need it <3

take care <3

Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 1/3/2011 4:47:48 PM (GMT-7)

You definately are being too hard on yourself and are thinking in terms of all or nothing. There is a happy medium. You don't have to say you are ending your friendships, just take a break for awhile. I stay to myself a lot. There is nothing wrong with that. But I do have good friends. Some are internet, some are real life friends. But I don't see them all the time, but as long as we know we are friends, that is all that matters. So just take a break for awhile and see them when you are ready.

Many of us don't get the right meds at first. It takes awhile and a few changes to get it narrowed down to what it is that you need. So be patient with that. Things aren't as bad as they seem, you are having a hard time and I am sorry about that. But it will get better. Keep on trying. And make a list of what to tell the doc when you see him. Write everything down that you are experiencing. That will help him to help you.

Hugs, Karen