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i guess it has to get worse before it gets better

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Posted 1/7/2011 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
hi friends,

because honestly you all are the only friends i have

i feel like my depression is hitting me full force

i'm not happy any more with myself or with life for that matter,

i even postponed my doctors appointment until next Friday, i don't feel like letting all my feelings out to my psychiatrist, when i'm in his office i pretend everything is fine, i'm not very good at opening up, which in the end is only hurting me. i feel like i need to control this on my own, that my emotions are something i have to control, but i can't. i can't help feeling how i feel no matter how much i truly want to. i'm slowly pulling away from everyone that actually means something to me, sometimes i don't even feel like posting on this board because i feel like i am burdening everyone with my problems. i need to figure out what i can do to at least get better, to at least make life easier for me and those around me. i tried conversing with my cousin who i grew up with about it today but she just shrugged, when i told her "i feel like i'm not close to our family anymore and i don't want to be i don't know why?" . but she just ignored me. my mom doesn't want to accept how hard life truly is for me, i know it hurts her, i know she feels that i will never have a normal life, and she gets frustrated with me because she wants to believe it is all in my head when in her heart she knows its not, my mom is my world but i feel like the people who once meant the world to me are becoming strangers.

i just feel like i can't fight anymore.

<3

Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 1/7/2011 12:14:08 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/7/2011 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
You have already answered your own question. You have to go to the psychiatrist and be honest and let him/her know that you aren't feeling well. Make a list of everything that you are going through, or carry a copy of your post. That is the ONLY way that you are going to get any help. You are not okay. You are going through a hard time and you need help facing this. I want you to go to that next appointment prepared to let them know everything that you are going through. Once you get on the right meds, you will see how bad you actually felt. You don't know now because you have nothing to compare it to. Once you start to feel better, you realize that you got so use to feeling bad, that you thought it was normal.

Keep posting, it is a good release. And never give up.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/7/2011 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
thank you Karen for your reply
and advice as well <3

i will be printing out my posts to show him, he did give me medication zoloft and lexapro , at two different times but it made me feel worse, anti depressants aren't meant for me, he is prescribing me adderall i'm hoping it will help with my depression as well, i will have to ask him about that next week <3

i just want to be okay <3

take care and thank you <3
Posted 1/7/2011 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
I take adderall too. As a stimulant for my fibromyalgia. I must admit that it has helped me with depression as I can halfway function again. I hope that it helps you. Are you add or are you taking it as a stimulant?

Have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
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