there is some stuff wrong and i dont know how to fix it

this is my first post and i don't know how this is gonna work.
i don't think the problem is depression literally,even though i have been diagnosed with anxiety in the past,and but definetly there is stuff thats wrong with my personality within me that prevents me to fully enjoy things. especially social interactions. a family friend a psychiatrist had givn me some pills 'round one and a half ears ago when i had to take some really important exams. and i had trouble concentrating.
my problem is closer to the schizoid personality i came across on the net(wikipedia).though i am not trying to diagnose myself here or anything.remaining aloof was well something that came naturally to me i used to judge people a lot and idealistic in a way that my social sense hadnt formed pretty well till ninth grade when i first found myself lacking. an had to work consciously from becoming a lil nerdy to what i am now which is far better at least with people.i focused a lot on the way i interacted with people which was well.... to impress a girl.
well that ended a bit brutally though i am pretty much over it now. the 11 th and 12th grade i had improved substantially and was pretty popular,esp wid girls, then cuz despite being less friendly i was good in sports academics and well good looking. but somehow i never had feelings for anybody again. i don't really have very good friends of he opposite sex. i became the guy the charismatic flirt.hooking up, manipulating girls became a sport to satisfy my ego. i have been instrumental in getting a dozen of my friends dates and even girlfriends but i don't get what keeps me back from anything even a little bit committing. i've been with girls i could really have fallen for but as soon as realise anything getting somewhere i push the person away,unexplainedly leading to hurt on both sides. i am the kind of person a coquette who looks good from a distance but has issues internally.
i dunno saying that i love someone makes me feel kinda vulnerable.
and nows the problem i am 20 still a virgin never had a girlfriend. and most of all i havent dated in about one and half years. i have literally forgotten how to date. and overthink everything. i have a good excuse-work/studies.thats all i care about these days-more than even family. i feel unable to convey my feelings or admit that i am selfish because i am afraid of both positive or negative emotions. and i have so much sarcasm<esp. romance and definetly romantic comedies sometimes even mushy songs > and selfishness inside me now that i am afraid that even if a girl likes me to begin with she'll dump me because of my insecurities
i really want the sex. everyone has done it by now. only if girls could keep the emotional crap to themselves
there are times especially in the night when i feel like a total loser. please understand that i really do want to fall in love but theres a sarcastic part which says its too complicated or that i could use that time doing something important like work......ookay you must've got it by now thanks

i meant that there is some stuff wrong with me.i have lots of insecurity esp about falling in u see the way my life's goin you'd think i was goin celibate or something and all because i am too afraid to be close to anyone.i dont trust people easily
read this
i feel unable to convey my feelings or admit that i am selfish because i am afraid of both positive or negative emotions. and i have so much sarcasm<esp. romance and definetly romantic comedies sometimes even mushy songs > and selfishness inside me now that i am afraid that even if a girl likes me to begin with she'll dump me because of my insecurities

hope i made myself clearer thanks for replying!!!

Hve you thought about talking to a counselor? They are so good at directing us to self esteem. I don't think you appear insecure, though you would know. But to the average person, it doesn't show. You sound intelligent, witty and have a good personality. We all have our own insecurities that only we can see. I think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Think positive thoughts about yourself. Maybe find some self help books. Study them and see what happens. But I really think counseling would help you a lot. There are school counselors or you could go to your local community of mental health. But I even think a book would help you. You seem to have a lot going for you with your nature. You just have to believe in yourself.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen