I really don't feel good right now....

Hi guys. I'm having a really tough time right now. My anxiety is through the roof and my depression is causing a lot of havoc. I feel so alone and scared right now. I put a post in the anxiety forum and got some very thoughtful replies but for some reason (and I'm sorry to say this), they're not helping right now.

I just tried calling some friends but nobody is around. I know it's Superbowl night and I'm probably the only one not watching. I already gave an emergency call to my therapist last week and can't afford to do another one.
I need someone to talk to and help calm me down.

Well, no-one is around. Maybe I'll go force myself to do some dishes. Thanks for "listening"

Cass

sorry cass appt city. here for ya. jamie. my e-mail is avail. with compassion, jamie.

Hi Cass-
Just wanted to drop by & let you know that I am still thinking of you & praying for you. Hope today is a little brighter. :)

hugz,
T

Post Edited (Tirza) : 2/14/2011 10:56:30 PM (GMT-7)

Thank you Karen, Frances and Jamie.

Karen: my meds were increased a few weeks ago. All of this stress is related to financial legal action right now. And things are not going well.

Frances: thank you so much for both of your long posts. It helps to know you are out there with positive thoughts. But things have actually become worst over the last day or so. When I am working it usually keeps my mind busy. But when I am home (and when my kids aren't with me) the only way i can seem to cope is by sleeping. I literally cannot handle the amount of stress I am feeling and any anxiety medicine I take will eventually make me tired anyway. I know my therapist would not approve of this but I don't know how to handle this anymore. It literally feels like I want to crawl out of my own skin. I don't see hope anywhere or anytime from these events and I am really tired of looking for it.

I'm sorry I'm so negative right now. ...I just took my meds and will probably be sleeping soon. Thanks for caring.

Jamie: Thank you too for your positive thoughts. Things just feel so hopeless right now - but I know you get these feelings. That means a lot.

Cass

Well, I'm gonna go out on a limb & say @#$% the therapist. If sleeping helps, sleep. I listened to that same nonsense & all it ever did was push me over the edge. I would try to force myself to stay awake & would end up so angry that I'd attempt. You know your own body & your own mind. If you can't handle being awake 16 hours a day, be awake for less than that. ;)

You are making sure to keep up with some kind of minimal activity schedule, right? You need to eat a meal 2x/day & bathe a few times a week. If you're doing those two things, I'm gonna give you an A for effort.

I get all the stress from the nonsense legal-financial mess. If the creditors are still calling you, tell your lawyer. Mine let me give out his phone number so I don't have to put up with them anymore. They don't call him, but they leave me alone. No point in bothering with the mail, so I just throw it all in a giant box & hide it. As for the depression/anxiety ... shoot, I'm having the worst time of it too. But, Cass, I have to believe that things will turn around for you (and me) some day. I have to work so hard to keep always reminding myself of that b/c I can get SOOOO down, but it doesn't make it less true.

I don't have the answer to those questions for why things are so rough in your life right now or why they aren't getting better more quickly. All I can say is that I do believe that one day our deeds will be rewarded & even before that time there are seasons of relief from our suffering. What makes matters worse is that our brains tied memories & emotions together; we're more likely to remember bad memories when we're stressed & more likely to be stressed/depressed when we're remembering that this isn't the first bad thing that's happened to us. Sometimes it does help (little by little) to make a commitment to start trying to remember positive memories -- times when things seemed hopeless but somehow worked out.

I hope you can think of a time in your life when something got better even though it didn't seem like it would. Write it down in a journal or post it here to HW if you'd feel comfortable doing so. Use it as a reminder that things can & do get better; it just always takes longer than we'd like it to. But there is reason to have hope. These financial messes don't go on forever. It takes years to sort it out & rebuild, but there will be a time where things are not how they are now. So hang in there, keep fighting & don't feel like you need to be especially positive for us. We'll take you however we can get you. ;) But we'll try to encourage you all the same. :)

blessings,
T

Post Edited (Tirza) : 2/14/2011 10:56:10 PM (GMT-7)

Keep being strong Cass. Im here for you. And if you need a chat, then I'll try and be available when I'm at school and later at night.

many hugs, arielle.

Come back to chat Cass! :(

Tirza,

Who were you before?

Hello Everyone. Thank you so much for all your caring replies. I'm sorry i haven't responded sooner but to be honest I just haven't felt up to it. But that's starting to change a little now. While I am still really anxious and fighting the depression, I've also become very angry too. And when I'm angry it gives me energy to fight back, so to speak.

Tirza, thanks for your long and caring response. When I initially read it the other day I started crying because you truly understand. Not just the financial stuff, but you were spot on with my reasons for so much sleep. In the last week I have become more active. Instead of sleeping all the time when my girls aren't around, I am sleeping 1/2 the time. 1/2 the time I spend on cleaning/packing projects in my house and then when my nerves get to be too much I go back to bed. But at least I'm being productive for 3-4 hours. I'm trying to stay busy enough so maybe I can forget what's going on for just a little bit. Perhaps this is what Karen and Kitt mean about "staying in the moment"?

Karen and Kitt: thanks for your responses and caring as well. It means the world to me to have your support. And its given me some strength. ..It's good to know that you both take the naps as well. Maybe I can stop feeling so guilty about this and just accept this is the only way I can deal with it right now.

This week and next week I am getting 2nd and 3rd opinions from different lawyers. Everyone's indecision isn't helping the situation. Perhaps If I truly know what my worst case scenario is then I can deal with it.

White Butterfly and Jamie - thanks for your support too. I hope you're starting to feel a little relief yourself Jamie now that you're taking those natural supplements. White Butterfly, perhaps I will see you in chat one of these days.

And Ad1, I've thought of you a lot over the last few months. I'm glad to see you are still here. I go to bed much earlier now at night but I will try to look in chat when I'm on to see if you're still there.

Thank you all. I truly consider you to be my family.

Cass