In that dark place

I've been in a major depression episode for about a month now. I have a psyc doc who added a new med last week. I have a therapist that I connect well with. I tell them both everything that is going on. But this is the worst episode I have had in a decade. I'm isolating myself, wearing the same clothes all week and not cleaning my place. I cannot see a future where any happiness is possible. I get no joy from anything. At my therapists suggestion I gave my firearms to a friend. I also signed a no harm agreement. But the agony this time is not tolerable.

• I'm 51 yrs old and have been married 3 times
  
• I weigh nearly 300 pounds
  
• I am a trans woman
  
• My nearest relative is a 5 hour plane trip away
  

On the plus side

• I have a good job
  
• I have a dog
  

I know this is the illness talking. I know my mood will get better, just not sure I want to wait.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/7/2011 6:28:50 AM (GMT-7)

Hi Wintergarden,

I love your name too. Welcome to the forum. No suicide is not the answer. I had to edit your post as we are not to talk aobut it on this forum.

I wonder if a different med would be the answer, or a mood stabilizer to go with what you are already taking. You need to talk to the doc and let him know that something isn't working. Let him know your mental state at this time. Hopefully he can get you on something better. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

PS  If you look into the depression resources at the top of the page, you will find emergency numbers and sites if you need them.  I hope that you feel better soon.