My parents have always been emotionally distant, extremely so for most of my childhood and especially in my adolescence...I've never had a close relationship with my mom or dad. Mom is around alot more than my dad but we don't talk about
anything important or emotional. It seems like the times i've tried to talk to her she either just ignores me or when I try to tell her about
how bad i feel both my parents just act like I'm complaining for nothing and tell me to shut up or get over it. No one shares emotions or good times in this house, it's dead and it sucks the joy out of life to be here so much. So that has made me feel even less comfortable around them emotionally. Lately I've been so depressed and moody and anxious.. I've lost my job over it am trying to get help-going to doctors, calling psychiatrists, all with minimal results :/
Today i was getting really frustrated trying to talk about
how i was feeling to my mom and all she could say was stuff about
making "plans for the future" and I lost it, started yelling at both of them about
how they have issues about
dealing with emotions. I was in a rage and said alot of mean things out of frustration :( it is true that they have some deep seated emotional issues that they are in denial about
. Their philosophy is just to not think about
the bad things and "just keep on trying to survive" when in reality it's just repressing emotions to the point of oblivion. But they don't see my side of it. Maybe they really have become numb to emotions to the point where they're ok with things lke this. But I'm not like that, I have to express the way I feel, even if it's negative :( How else am I going to get through this? I need a counselor. I don't want to feel this way, and I didn't want to explode at them. I just have no one in person who knows what I'm going through...on the edge, considering every night. I survive by taking xanax at night (i just ran out though) and now I have a prescript
ion for Klonopin, which im taking alot of just to get me to sleep. I'm lost, at the end of a rope :( my family environment has never been good and now things with my boyfriend, the only person close to me are very rocky...i dont know where to turn
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/9/2011 6:01:43 AM (GMT-7)