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Posted 3/28/2011 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
hi, im new to this. i was diagnosed with depression about a year ago after a severe back injury at work threw all my life into ruin. i was just starting to get it together when my partner of 7 years just up and left. i knew things were a bit rough lately but i always thought we were solid it was completly out of nowhere and its killing me he was the only thing keeping me going. i cant eat or sleep and a im drinking about a bottle and a half of vodka a day on top of my various meds. he was my world and im so lost and scared all i do is cry, i feel like im in a nightmare. i dont know what im really looking for here but i dont really have anyone to talk to.  
Posted 3/28/2011 4:02 AM (GMT 0)
Benji,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I hope that you can get some guidance and help here. Are you going to any counseling? I think that it would help you to be strong and independant so that you would be able to move on.

I am so sorry to hear about your current situation. I hope that you get help with the drinking too. Remember that alcohol depresses us. So it is extra bad when we drink. And it drives us down. I have a person that I know that is in the hospital for alcohol because it has hurt his liver. They had to put him unconscious to detoxify him. I don't think he has very long to live. He drank vodka too. He always came in every day and got a bottle when I was working. I worked afternoons. But I guess that wasn't the first bottle of the day. He always got little ones, and I never saw him drunk. But after I stopped working, I guess he got really bad. I am only sharing this with you because I do care. I hope that you can start healing soon. You sound like a good person and I hate to see you sad. Do keep posting and know that we all care about you.

You will make it. You are stronger than you think, and wiser too.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/29/2011 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
thanks karen, i had major drug and alcahol problems when i was younger and they have left me with some serious health issues so i know the drinking will kill me if i dont ease up but its the only thing easing the pain at the moment. after my last drug overdose 8 years ago i met my partner and he made me want to be a better man, he became my rock and all i wanted was to build us a life that we never had growing up, he suffered from chronic depression. i was always very dubious about depression and didnt undertand it and was therfore unable to empethise with him but i was always there for him and trying to cheer him up when he was down. but then when i was diagnosed with it i understood waht a terrible bleak hateful thing it is and how much it can change a person and make him behave unrationally. he wasnt able to be there for me and it wore him down and he left. i will seek professionally councilling because like coming on here and unleashing, its very cathartic to talk to people that are objective to my situation but can understand how i feel. right now i feel like im in a huge black hole and people just keep shoveling dirt in on top of me, i know deep down i can beat this but at the moment i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Posted 3/29/2011 5:58 AM (GMT 0)
here for you benji. keep strong, sometimes life throws trees instead of sticks at us. but it does get better. i am in therapy and it is helping me greatly. i too have a myriad of health concerns, incl my back as well. i am glad you found us. keep posting, and keep being brave ok, you have been brave in coming here. with much healing compassion, jamie.
Posted 3/29/2011 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Benji,

I am glad that you are coming here for support. It is so hard at times. We do feel like we are in a dark hole and there is no way to crawl out. But as was said above, things do get better. I know that you are trying hard and it takes time, but don't lose hope.

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/29/2011 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
You are here because you need someone to talk to, someone to listen.  You will get support here.  I guess there is no point in lecturing you about alcohol, and mixing with meds is extra bad.  I hope you get to the point where you can stop drinking so much or at all and find a reason and purpose to go on as happily as you can.  Depression is different for everyone, in how it makes you feel and how you react to it.

I hope things get much better for you real soon.  Please take extra good care of yoursel right now.

Gem

Posted 3/30/2011 2:07 AM (GMT 0)
yes, take care of you benji. we are here for you, with compassion, jamie
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