My story

I've had 2 & 1/2 years of stress, one crisis after another.  That is what has triggered the depression.  First, my father became gravely ill for a year & I turned to alcohol to self-medicate.  My brand new marriage suffered as a result.  I then got into therapy, which helped.  My father's health improved & I was so relieved...but then I got sick myself, for 6 months.  Finally I was well, & ready to get back to living without so much fear!  Then a few months later, I found out my husband was chasing another woman, & I found this out 2 weeks after losing my beloved grandfather.  It was too much.

I am now separated & staying with friends.  I don't know how to start over.  I'm so scared & considering moving to another state, where I used to live.  Sometimes I miss my husband so much it hurts to breathe, but I don't trust him anymore.  He is in therapy now, working through his own problems, which is good.  But what we had feels like it has been lost.

I've been particularly depressed in the mornings.  I wake up & start crying & feel like I can't take the pain.  I'm 34, haven't had kids yet (I want to) & I'm about to start all over.  I feel like I don't have a home anymore; my friends have been generous letting me stay with them, but I'm living out of a suitcase & I'm so lonely.

Thanks for reading this; it felt good to get it out.

The therapist thinks the continual stress in our lives & my husband's inability to communicate his own problems (he was taking care of my needs) contributed to his straying.  There may be truth in that, but one always has a choice NOT to betray, but rather to talk things out.

I made a pact with myself today, not to contact him anymore, & to try to find ways to cope with my depression.  I've been unable to sleep at night & have lost weight.  I feel myself getting worse; I've been feeling hopeless & unbearably low, sometimes alarmingly so.  I just got a prescription for night-time to help me sleep because the lack of rest is wearing me down.  Maybe the Lexapro will also help, once it takes effect. 

     Hi Red, 

     Thanks for your concern; it's nice to have this outlet to express my feelings.  The therapist & I have been focusing on the relationship issues more than on me alone.  Mostly he's been hearing me vent & trying to help me to understand that my husband has his own issues to work through that had nothing to do with me.  We have not been doing CBT. 

     The thing that makes me sad is that the dr. thinks my husband was subconsciously avoiding moving to the next level in our relationship (we'd been looking at houses & talking about having a baby just before he pursued this other woman) because he has issues with intimacy & communication.  I find that very sad.  It makes me feel resentful because I'd been with him for 5 years before I married him & thought I knew him.  We'd only been married for a year & 1/2 when things went wrong.  Even though I love him still, I feel like it's a big red flag.  What if down the line, I had kids with him & he did this to me again?  He was very good at leading a double life; he acted the same with me...sent me love notes from work, told me he loved me. The fact that I even found out is a miracle, but I am very detail-oriented & began to notice that he didn't look me in the eye when he said her name.  (They were in a play together & would have rehearsals so her name did come up.)  He is an actor, & what if in the future he did this again & was able to "act" in his own home like he did before?  It just scares me.  He told me he loved me & was in love with me while he was hanging out with this woman.  I just don't understand.  That's not what I consider love to be.