ESA

I just placed a claim for ESA, based on Anxiety, which is rather coupled with my depression, if ones real bad the other is worse and so on.

But I'm nervous. At the moment, it feels like I'd never be able to manage getting, let alone keeping, a job. And everytime I've spoken to my parents, they tell me it doesn't matter if I don't like the job I'm doing, I gotta do it anyway.   and occasionally I feel that low, so it's rather bloody important to me if I like what I'm doing.

 I have panic attacks if I don't feel comfortable in situations, and I got whole hoard of other problems that don't help me out much.

I'm just terrified of being told to get over myself and knuckle down like everyone else. But they won't say that to me, will they? I'm terrified that if I keep going to my doctor and keep claiming ESA, they're going to turn round and tell me to grow up, it's about time I faced reality. It's only what I've been told before, when I was denied extra help at high school; because I wasn't blind, and I didn't use a wheel chair, clearly any problem I had was made up and I should stop attention seeking. I neved get the attention though :( I'm never entirely truthful when talking to people about myself.

Does anyone else claim ESA?? What is it like? What are the people generally like? Are they going to help me?

HM

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/11/2011 2:38:55 PM (GMT-6)

Oops, I'm sorry, I should have paid more attention.

ESA is Employment an Support Allowance. It is basically Job Seekers Allowance but for those who have been considered "unfit for work". It means instead of proving I'm actively looking for work, I now have to prove I'm not capable of working at this time. Which I'm not, because I would probably near pass upon entering an interview.

I don't take medication, because no one is making it clear to me how to get it. For a very very short time I had something for anxiety, but it didn't work and the doctor took me off it. I've been waiting two months and a week for the counsellor referral letter to come through to me.

I don't actually have a job. And it really hurts me when they "have their say" because they call me lazy and spoilt, and it's as if they don't know the first thing about me. I've had so many coversations with my mother about all these different disorders people can have, and she'll be understanding, and then as soon as it becomes clear that I'm different, she shouts at me to stop being stupid and lazy.

It's very difficult, because one of my best friends is very open and confident, and she could walk into any shop and walk out with a job, and that's how my parents EXPECT it to happen, but people take one look at me and know I would not do their business any favours.

I had to bring this up with someone who took a "getting into work" course, because he said the usuall "Everyone is nervous in their first few job interviews" and it made me want to give up completely, because there's just no hope for me with this.

I know it's a silly line of thought, it'll go away in a minute. But sometimes I'm just so useless, I can't get anything done. I just need the ESA people to realise this isn't because I'm lazy or not putting in the effort, it's for countless other reasons that are not my fault.

I'm sorry, I'm going on and on. I'm just few up of hearing "You're an adult now, you have to accept responsibilities" when quite possibly the truth is that if I were living on my own, I wouldn't be able to take care of myself properly.

HM