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No Sleep for couple of days now

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Posted 4/23/2011 5:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all:

Since the last time I posted about my unhealthy messed up relationship with a guy who not only cheated on me once, but twice after a long 6 years. I went back to Boston for school for about a week now. I haven't been able to sleep because every time I laid down. The thoughts of what happened, what he did and the things he said to me haunt me every second. I haven't been able to stop myself from crying. Often time, I would just sit there staring blank into nothing without thinking and tears just came down from my eyes. Even if I did get some sleep. I would feel this heavy sinking feeling in my heart and It would beat so fast that I felt like I need to explode. I cannot focus on my school work at all. It took me away from a lot of stuff. I want to be better, I want to feel OK again, but I felt like I have lost who I am in these past six years. I am all alone in Boston, which wasn't help. I needed someone the most today, but I can't turn to anyone at all. I'm just in tears and I don't know how much longer I can take this.
Posted 4/25/2011 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Genetic.

I really wanted to speak with a psychiatrist or psychologist but I can't even afford dental care since my tooth has been hurting a lot, and with this problem with the relationship. I have been taking Advil for them. I don't know whether because of stress or the Advil, but I missed my period because before I found out he cheated on me. We were good as always and we had sex. I am so scared at this point, and I really don't know what to think. I am so far away from home. I am currently just living in someone's basement, and I honestly don't know what I can do with only 200 dollars left in my name. I wanted to feel just remotely OK for one, but it seems like more and more problems are piling on my shoulder each day. I really don't know who I could talk to. I tried to talk to the ex-boyfriend (who cheated on me). He got upset and told me I was insulting him. He said he would be there for me but never really responded when I said something. I really feel hopeless and no where to go right now.
Posted 4/25/2011 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
The semester is going to finish in four weeks. I have really been trying to do all the work as I possibly can because everything was paid out of my students loan and I didn't want it to go to waste. With my parents, they're very traditional Asian parents. I am not sure how to ask for help, and I am about 7-8 hours away from home. I am just so afraid that I might be pregnant. I did once with him and I had to abort it which still kills me. I really don't know....
Posted 4/25/2011 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know what your going through but try do something to distract yourself. Speak to friend,one your close with.
Posted 4/25/2011 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Genetic and original:)

I have been telling myself I will get through this. I tried to think about happy future, which I want to become a doctor. I want to be treated better by people. I have been thinking about I have been doing so well in school, and I just can't quit. I will keep on trying. It's really hard right now because I do feel like I am in a dump and taking more from the world than I can handle. But I guess as long as I don't fall down, no matter how much on my shoulder. I can keep on trying. I do feel exhausted, but I will fight this....
Posted 4/26/2011 10:20 AM (GMT 0)
agree with ig deann. you will do well. beleive in you. jamie
Posted 4/26/2011 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Deann,

I have been without internet for four days or else I would have posted sooner. Problem is that I don't have a lot of time and I can't write much but will write more later.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are trying. I agree with the college counselor. They can really help you a lot. And you need the support. Keep posting. I will write more later.

Hugs, Karen
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