Overwhelmed . .

This is my first message I'm posting on here, so I really hope no one judges me. I am a senior in high school who got kicked out of my mothers house in July 2010. I am now in the system as "homeless" and I live with my boyfriend's family. My mother used my credit, and ran it up to 1,000 dollars, and I am now undergoing pressing charges. I have no college plans due to the fact I have no money and the state is not helping me out enough, and also because I qualify for certain programs but those programs do not provide housing. I am not welcome to stay here after I graduate in June, because they were just helping me out so I can finish high school, and I honestly dont know where I'm going to go. People are telling me I should join the service, and no offense to any of our military I think they are beyond incredible but for me? I have been planning to attend college since I'm little, and all I want is to become successful and make a good living to support myself. But now I cant even do that. My mother was abusive both mentally and physically for the 16 years I was under her watch, and it still is effecting me to this day. Not to mention she has manipulated my three younger siblings to completely hating my guts, refusing to talk to me and want anything to do with me. My father is a drunk and a drug addict - I asked him to call me today so I had someone to talk to since I was histerically crying and he called me drunk off his butt. That helped me feel a whole lot better. I barely know my dad, but I do know that he is such a laid back, easy going, soft spoken person - WHEN SOBER. When hes drunk hes loud and obnoxious and just stupid acting. It doesnt make me feel any better, it makes me feel worse! The only other family are my 2 aunts here, who honestly think they help me out but in all reality do nothing for me since I got kicked out. They complain I'm not going to college and I'm not gonna make it anywhere and I'm just going to end up a knocked up teen mom. Well thanks for boosting my -500 self confidence. My mother has killed my self esteem, and I dont even know if I'll ever get it back. I feel ugly, stupid, worthless and so much more. I hate myself, I always feel upset, down or angry with myself or others. I just feel so beside myself.....my boyfriend doesnt understand half of what I go through, he's nineteen years old and is so immature compared to me. I guess its because I've been through alot, but I want someone thats gonna be there for me, since I dont have anyone obviously....and all we do is fight over the stupidest crap! I mean I'm young and all, but I know that a relationship is supposed to be about helping the other person get through things and just helping them enjoy life. I dont know if I'm definitly suffering from depression. From my point of view though, I do believe that I am. Ugh and unfortunately, all of this you just read? Isnt even a quarter of what is going on in my abnormal, crazy life....

can you get some counselling and assistance from your welfare service? / human services dept, etc. i send you my healing compassionate prayers hollylynn. you have been real brave, keep strong. other members with more insight to your area and situation will post soon. we care, jamie.

Keep moving forward, don't give up on yourself. Yes you are mature for your age. You can get a pell grant. Look it up on the internet. They will pay for your tuition and books, but you may have to find a part time job to get a place to stay. Best wishes to you. Do call the department of human resources and see if they will help you. You sound like such a sweet person and I am sorry that you are going through this.

Hugs, Karen

Holly,

I am glad you are taking advantage of the help that is available and I expect that in the future you will reach your goals.  I admire your determination to get an education and better things for yourself.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Your story is really sad....Our parents seem to be a lot alike. I was kicked out when I was 15 by my mom...and was bounced back and forth between foster homes for a long time. My advice, get counseling. It really helped me out a lot. Remember, people do still care about u...and no matter what ur going thru, someone out there is always going thru something worse. I do believe that counseling would do a lot of good for you. And as far as college, look into some scholarships. You could even talk to a financial advisor at whichever college u choose to go to and try to work something out. A lot of times, they will help you get an on-campus job and a dorm. Everything always happens for a reason. And although you may not be able to see it now, something good will come out of what ur going through. It may take years, but something good will come out of it. If u ever need to talk u r more than welcome to come to me :) Stay strong and find a way to put a smile on ur face everyday!