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woman I love has depression

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Posted 6/7/2011 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
I am at a struggle, my girlfriend is going through depression, she is getting treatment and while I know she has only had one session now she is telling me she has no energy to be in a relationship.  She can barely handle her two kids and her business.  I tell her I love her and I understand she needs time and space but this is so difficult.  I don’t know how often I should text her or call her.  She doesn’t want to see me but replies to my text and picks up my calls.  I want to see her through this and support her just reading up on this I am at a loss on what to do and what is best for her.  She says things like I know you want to help me and cheer me up – I need to do this on my own – thank you fro caring so much I just really need time – I care about you a lot – I’m not in the right emotional start anything – I don’t think I can handle anymore than just being a mom right now.  It’s stressful for me to have to worry about another person – my brain can’t handle it.  Please understand and don’t be upset – I will be fine eventually and get my act together – I know you are here for me – I just nee time please.  I’ve never felt like this before – I have years of stuff that’s been repressed for so long and I have to finally deal with everything and try to function normally for my kids and my business and honestly I can’t handle anymore than that right now.  I hope you can understand that Please don’t be upset.
 
I feel I should give her time but again I don’t want to lose her.  She means the world to me and I love her two boys like they were my own.  I want to stand by her side what can I do that will ensure we as a couple can stay together and come out of this stronger?
Posted 6/7/2011 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Grifin1818,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. She is making it clear to you that she needs some space to sort things out, and I think you should give it to her and have faith that she will come back to you. If she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. But it looks like she has every intention of coming back to you. The best thing that you could do for her is give her that space. Call her maybe once a week. Can you do that? If you crowd her too much, you are just going to push her away. And the sooner that you give her the space, the sooner she can sort through things. It sounds like she has a lot on her plate right now. It would be selfish of you to keep trying to see her. Let her breathe. Don't suffocate her. That is the best advice I can give you at this time.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/7/2011 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, as hard as it is, you should probably remove yourself a little from the situation. Not completely by any means but give her some space and let her know that you are always there for her when she needs you and will be there when she is ready.  Its a tough situation.
Posted 6/7/2011 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
yeah I haven't called her in a couple days and she has a therapy appointment the end of this week. I was thinking about texting her prior to it incase she needs someone to watch the kids while she goes. But after your post it sounds like I should wait a few more days. I've been talking to family members and they have been really supportive of holding out for her. We have been together for a year now and the depression just started to surface a couple of weeks ago. It has been a roller coaster to say the least. I really do care about her and am willing to wait for her. Her boys are like sons to me and I see them 10 times more than their real father. So the combination of not seeing her and the boys has been hard.
Posted 6/7/2011 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
I have expressed that to her and she has acknowledge she knows I am there for her. She is currently on meds and going to her second session of therapy this week she had been going when we first started going out and then stopped 3 months into it. So it's not the first time she has gone. I know she has a lot on her plate right now and I know she loves me it's just my first experience with someone who is depressed.
Posted 6/7/2011 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
I am probably going to wait until Friday to text her is she hasn't contacted me by then (since this started over the last week she has text or emailed me within two days if I haven't sent one myself(this would make 5 days since last text) since her appointment is on Thursday. Any thoughts on this? I am close to her family and they are very supportive of me just letting her know I am there for her. It's just hard because I am a fixer and this is an illness I know I can't fix. Also I believe the last time we talked on Sunday she was telling me about going through emotional cleansing. Does anyone know about this??
Posted 6/7/2011 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
BTW thanks to everyone for their comments they are very helpful : )
Posted 6/7/2011 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
If she is going through emotional cleansing, she is making progress. Getting rid of whatever is bothering her. I think you are wise on waiting to text her. Maybe right before her appointment, you could wish her luck or let her know that you are still thinking of her. You are doing very good with restraint. That is good. I know it is hard. Yes, men tend to want to fix things, and I think that you are right. She has to do this for herself. You are very understanding. I am sure that is of comfort to her. And knowing that you are waiting for her must be comforting too. It sounds like she has a lot of healing to do. But I think she is doing it. She maybe needs to know that she is capable of taking care of the children or just taking care of her and getting stronger. Whatever it is, she is doing good. And you are doing good just being there and respecting her side of it. Just give her time. She is working on her and that is a good thing. She will be stronger and she will be there. She is doing this for you too in a way. So she can be stronger for both of you.

Hugs, Karen
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