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Depressesd and angry girlfriend

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Posted 6/17/2011 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all I've been searching all day trying to find help and resources. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. She came to the relationship with her 2 year old son ( now 4). She is suffering from depression and anger and it all seems directed at me no matter what the situation is. I have had to call the police on her several times a well as put her out. But When she gets depressed she tries to force me to talk to her no matter what time of night it is and when I don't ( because of her not being able to regulate her emotions) she lashes out at me physically and verbally. She will get so angry she will try to take the baby and leave in the middle of the night. She does these things in front of the baby and no amount of pleading will get her to snap out of it. My major concern is for the baby he thinks im his mother more then she is. He can not fend for himself and she cannot raise and take care of him in her condition. He cries and tells her no when she tried to drag him or his bed into the streets. She if going to mess up her life and his. She refuses to let me walk away from a situation she will follow me all over the house in my face trying to provoke me. I am clearly bigger then she is and could seriously hurt her if I wanted to but I don't, I just want to be left alone. She has no family here and refuses to move back to Texas. I don't know what to do, I truly believe the only reason I haven't really out her out is because she will take the baby and even tho I did not birth him that is my child and he knows it and she knows it. Im so lost confused, stressed, angry.
Posted 6/17/2011 5:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Jnut, my name is Katie and I work at an agency called Peace Over Violence in Los Angeles, California. From what I read, it sounds like you are in a domestically violent relationship. Yes, its happens to men too. For the most part females are the victims, but men may also be victims and it sounds like she is the primary aggressor. I am a case manager at Peace Over Violence and I help survivors or domestic violence everyday. I have heard your story many times before and I do have male clients that I see for case management and have referred them to counseling within our agency and others. It sounds like you might benefit from case management and counseling because it sounds like you are trapped by this person and looking for a way out. I can help you find a way to get out if you are willing and I can also protect the child as well because it sounds like he is experiencing verbal and psychological abuse. She sounds like an unfit mother and it can be very dangerous for the child to be in this kind of situation. If you want my help I can help you. If you are not in the LA area, I can help you find resources in your community. Thanks.

Katie
[email protected]
Posted 6/17/2011 8:46 AM (GMT 0)
yes men do experience domestic violence. it is underground because of the stigma, i seen it in a mate of mine. more help and assistance is needed. jnut i am in a different country so i can't be of help services wise. i see thar some assistance has been posted. do seek assistance and know that we are here for you, jamie
Posted 6/17/2011 11:35 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies and concern but I am a female I just wanted to clear that up.
Posted 6/17/2011 12:03 PM (GMT 0)
my apologies. jamie.
Posted 6/17/2011 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
Jnut,

Your partner needs some serious help. Can you get her to go to counseling? What she is doing is unfair to the child, and I am afraid that the child will get hurt through her behavior. I hope that you can get some help with this situation. I am really sorry that she is so violent. Know that we are all thinking of you.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/17/2011 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
She is going to counseling and taking medication. But that doesn't stop the episodes when she gets really depressed. I'm more worried about the baby being emotionally hurt from having to witness and be brought into this. She doesn't seem to be able to control herself when she gets this way. Out of the blue she will get down and she always says it something I did or didn't do, but that's not the case. No one else ever sees this side of her because its only directed towards me. She had a rough neglectful childhood and she never had the chance to grow and mature the proper way. She feels that I'm perfect and that I try to rub it in her face which is not the case. She has trouble regulating her emotions as well as dealing with everyday life stressors. I agree she does need help and she is seeing someone, I just don't know what to do in the mean time.
Posted 6/17/2011 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
Jnut,
The fact that the police have been involved makes me think katie's advice is something you should respond to. You are in a dangerous situation regardless.. and so is the child, has your partner ever been tested for bipolar?
Thoughts are with you,
Leslie
Posted 6/17/2011 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, this has to be really tough for you. How long has she been on her meds, it does take a couple of months for them to start working. It sounds like a mood stabilizer might help her. I hope that she is getting the help that she needs. Stress to her what it could do to the child. This isn't fair for the baby to grow up in this kind of environment.

Try to be patient. You might want to seek counseling to help you to deal with this.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/20/2011 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
She's been on one of her meds several months the other which is a mood stabalizer its only been about a week or so. I tried stressing everything possible to her and its all good at the time until a situation happens. She is driving me crazy I wish I could get custody of the baby, he is why I'm still in this. He is 4 and more responsible and able to deal with things then she is. I really don't know what to do. I can't have any emotions around her cause she can't deal with them, yet she wants to down me in all hers. I'm so tired but I don't want to lose my baby.
Posted 6/20/2011 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
The mood stabilizer should start working soon. They work faster than antidepressants. Give that a chance and see if she changes. The changes might be slow at first. But then she will start to feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/21/2011 5:10 AM (GMT 0)
Do you have any legal rights to take custody of the baby -- in writing? You might be in way over your head if you are trying to help the baby but don't have custody. Where's the father? Where's her family? It's very hard for a same-sex partner, in any state in this country. If she is literally dragging the child and his belongings into the street like you say, it might be best to get children's services involved. Very harsh, but I am afraid you will be the one ending up in deep trouble if you try to take the matter into your own hands.
Posted 6/21/2011 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
No I don't have any rights legally and don't know where to begin. She is willing to allure me to have rights to him. Her family ( mother) is part to blame for the issuses she is having now. His father has never been in the picture she got pregnant at 15. I don't know I just don't want to lose my child cause he is mines. He calls both of us mom but he comes to me for everything. School and the doctors know me as mom. I don't know, Im so stressed over this. If only she would realize what she is doing to us and get better. She constantly believes I'm trying to screw her over or that im trying to hurt her that its driving me crazy cause the fact is I am the only person trying to help her. I soon feel like I will be suffering from depression or have a nervous break down or a heart attack.
Posted 6/22/2011 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
The only reason I really asked about the child's father, grandparents is because such people have a habit of coming out of the woodwork to demand their rights if you were to try to take custody. Ugh. Like the earlier message said, you should probably contact a domestic violence agency or something to get some help for yourself. Some of them are aware of same-sex issues and would be able to help.

I wouldn't get too wrapped up in feeling sorry for her because she had a bad upbringing. She has to work on being a healthier person, and blaming mommy when she treats you bad just doesn't cut it.

Though I did read your post again, and if she is not even 21, that might explain a lot. Really, you need somebody who knows what the legal issues are to help you sort this out.
Posted 6/25/2011 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
No I don't feel sorry for her at all, I feel sorry for the baby plus its kinda hard to feel sorry for someone that puts you through soooo much stuff. I just want her to get better.
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