Seriously my last resort....

You are cared about here. The forum has been kind of slow lately though. It sounds like you are having a really tough time right now. I am so sorry for that. Depression sucks and that is the bottom line. I have been suffering for 32 years or more. I was a depressed teen, but didn't go to counseling or have any meds for it, I coped in other ways. I want you to know that somebody out here cares, so I will end here so that I can post this, but I will write more too.

Hugs, Karen

here for you lolarose. i too have been where your at. know that we care about you and that you are a precious person. sending healing compassionate thoughts to you. jamie

Can you just take life one day at a time? That really helps. Stay in the moment and focus on what is going on at that time. Try not to borrow trouble. When we are insecure we do that. Keep happy thoughts. Learn to enjoy the little things in life. Take walks. That is what I do. It clears my head.

Things are going to work out for you, they do for all of us. It is hard, we struggle. But here we work together, comfort eachother and do tell eachother it is going to be okay because it can be. We have to work on this together. Do keep up the counseling, that is what keeps me together.

I hope that you feel better soon. KIeep trying, never give up on yourself.

Hugs, Karen

Hi there,

You are still fighting whether you realize it or not by posting on here and reaching out. Even though you might feel we don't have the right words and nothing can help, just venting that to us is a positive thing you can do for yourself. The way you described some of the nightmares you've endured was a great example of therapy for yourself.

We do know how you feel. I have just crashed into a deep depression myself and feel how you feel in this moment. I feel weak, exhausted and at my breaking point. It doesn't seem possible that I will feel better again. I get frustrated with taking meds, seeing pdoc, seeing counsellor and not feeling better most of the time!! So I know how you feel.

Who is in charge of your psychiatric care? Who do you see?

I am wondering what supports you have in place. PS-stress (or drama) is not good for us, so its important we try to avoid it at all costs or find healthy ways to deal with it safely.

We are here for you. Something else that might comfort you...self help books. It helps me to read about my illness when I'm depressed.

Many hugs,
Mogs

I have fibromyalgia, and with that, I had to start taking life one day at a time because you never know how you are going to feel the next day. With this, I found myself happier. I quit worrying about the future and dwelling on the past. I learned to appreciate the simple things in life and I am a lot happier.

I think a lot of times that the therapist writes things down it is to be able to remember things because I believe that they have to write reports to justify the sessions. Plus with their notes they can see patterns or evaluate if we have had any progress. It isn't as if they are writing things down for somebody else to read. Or that they are judging you in any way. So don't pay attention to that. And if you are curious, ask them what they are writing down.

Are you taking any meds for depression? I take three things. And it really has balanced me out. I am happy, but it took a long time to find what worked for me.

Living in the moment helps us too. Our minds aren't wandering about different things. We aren't thinking obsessively. We are paying attention to the task at hand. I am concerned about you. Especially when you are down. I really recommend you talk to somebody about this feeling. It is very important.

Try not to think of yourself as "some kind of experiment". Know that it is all trial and error no matter which route you take. The therapists are there to help us, and we have to help ourselves along too. try to get out and walk some. It is good for us mentally and physically. Watch the foods that you eat. Eating a lot of carbs or caffiene is bad for us. Does effect the mental health. I hope that you do feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen

Words are pretty powerful things. Yet so easy to use. People always seem to know the sensible, right and comforting things to say.

I don't want to seem difficult or ungrateful to you all who are trying so hard, but words mean nothing to me. I genuinley feel awful for saying to that but I genuinley believe that the reason for that is because I've felt so alone and know that the only person I can genuinley
Listen to is myself.

I only rely on myself now. When Uve felt isolated for so long you learn to block things out. I promise u I don't mean to. And it's kind of you all, but it doesn't make a huge difference to how I feel :(

I'm so sorry

Post Edited (Lolarose) : 7/13/2011 4:05:53 AM (GMT-6)

Maybe you seem moody to him. If your moods are going up and down, it is probably hard for him to tolerate. He doesn't know the right things to say because he doesn't know what your mood is going to be like or how you are going to react. We have to be proactive with this because nobody else is going to do it for us. Get some help. Go to a doctor or a therapist and ask for help. That is the only way that you are going to get better.

Beleive me, it is hard to fight depression without any help. You get nowhere fast.

Hugs, Karen

It is so easy, yet so hard at the same time. You just stop letting things effect your moods. Have you ever read a book called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns? It is also refered to as the New Mood Therapy. He explains it so well and you learn cbt therapy and it makes you feel good. And you need to learn to depend on you, not him. Trust yourself to have the strength to change the way that you look at things. You really are stronger than you think. It is the power of the mind. You can do this. And you can help the person that you are. you learn not to be insecure. I know that you can do this. Maybe look for that book on Amazon. You can get cheap copies there. It will make you stronger and more self sufficient. You will become your own person. Not just somebodie's girlfriend. I was talking to another person and told them that for years, I was so and so's girlfriend, or wife. Now I am Karen. I am my own person and I like it. And I think you will too. You learn to accept yourself and work with the tools that you have within you. I have faith in you.

Hugs, Karen

Thank you for the recommendation on the book. I will definatley get a copy and try this. I just read a short overview of it and it sounds like something I could benefit from.

I just want to be back to my carefree self I used to be. I know my own personality, and it's as if it's locked away, briefly showing signs now and again of an appearance. But it never lasts long. Always seems to disappear as if it never existed.

I need to become more self dependent and like u said use the tools I have within myself. But I feel like I'm weak inside. And the drive to try and train your own mind is really hard. Really I've had a really long road of up and down, and crap times. I'll count tomorrow (as it's 9.20pm here) as day 1....

So where do I start?!?!!

The only problem I have with this is (negative thinking but that's me for ya!) is I know I can get there for a while. I will feel better and I know that it won't be long, a week, maybe two, 3 tops.... And I'll have fallen straight back into it. That's the thing. It only ever lasts for such a short time.

Something else I havnt mentioned is my eating disorders, I suffered from bulimia and refused to eat. I took ephedrine for a long time too to decrease my appetite, increase my metabolism and heart rate. It's illegal here. The thing is I've never ever agreed with drugs (as in social drugs people take to have a "good" time, I lost a friend through it. But I don't look at it like that, as they're only mainly used by people seriously into body building, dieting, body image etc. They're pretty dangerous cause they mess with ur heart rate etc. And I have an idea it could be contributing to my mind set. It's a vicious circle, I feel insecure... I don't eat... I feel poorly, I get down.... And when I'm
Down I get insecure..... And I don't eat... You srr where I'm
Going with this?!

I've had help. And still am, but It's a constant struggle. Maybe one thing to have to deal with would be manageable... But all of it feels like to much of a battle!

I'll get the book. I'll try the websites. But without sounding too pesamistic , I can't say a bunch of printed words and posative thoughts will change the person I've become. I do thibk you understand me though. Which I have to say helps slightly and I didn't think it would. But I'm a million miles away from where I need to be.

I'll listen to your advice. Because YOU KNOW.... Which goes for everyone else who posted on here too!

Hey Lolarose,

I often feel the same way you do. I am a bit older and I am actually feeling quite defeated these days but I, like Karen, have learned to take things one day at a time. I have a negative perspective too and it's very difficult to battle because to me, when I think about things, it seems like most are a waste of time. Sorry to be a downer. I ended up starting an antidepressant a few weeks ago and I think it's helping a bit with this negativity. My doctors told me over and over, "you're not depressed". I believe this is depression. Thinking the future is worthless? what's more depressing than that?

What I am saying is that this isn't the standard textbook version of depression but it's definitely not normal either. Just because you're feeling negative and moody doesn't mean you can't get back up and achieve your goals. It sounds to me like you're on a good path and you know what you want. That's a lot more direction than many people have. Find your passion and follow it, whether it is writing or dancing or working in the medical field, if you're doing something you love, you will feel much happier.

If your boyfriend tells you you're moody without offering to help, I am not sure if that is productive. If I am moody, I want my bf to listen and try to make it better, I don't want my moodiness to be pointed out over and over. If I being called moody, it makes me feel bad about myself and that makes me feel worse.

You really need to find someone you can speak with, perhaps you can find a medication that works for you and helps to balance the ups and downs. I feel a less focused on the negatives lately. I am thankful to feel less full of negativity. Unfortunately, my physical health is falling apart and that's a downer but at least I can see past it for now :)

Sorry to ramble. I hope you're feeling a little better. Don't give up.

Hi Lolarose,

Do you take any medications or go to counseling? Have you gone that route? I have the feeling that you feel that you have tried everything. I just want to know where you stand in this. You are probably sick of people bringing it up. But counseling helps so much.

Have you ever read a book called Feeling Good? It is by Dr. David Burns. It is really a good book, I don't know if I have mentioned it to you before, I often advise people to read it. Often it is the way that we view things that creates our moods. Some people can change that and they feel better. It is about cbt therapy. You might find it helpful. I got mine on Amazon and it was only 6.00. So if you get it and it doesn't help, you aren't out much. But I think you would find it helpful to read it.

Try writing your feelings down. How you feel at that very moment. Maybe start a journal. Something to get your thoughts in order where you can see how you are actually doing. Since you can't really feel anything. But if that is the case just write that down. Maybe do two entries a day. One in the morning and one before you go to bed. You can write pretty much about anything you want. It would give you some structure about yourself.

I really hope that you feel better soon. Try to accept that you are going to have a not so good day now and then. But it gets better with time.

Hugs, Karen