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Is it REALLY depression or just a 'phase'...HELP!

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Depression
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Posted 7/17/2011 6:03 AM (GMT 0)
Greetings healingwell community,

I have been feeling this 'low' for quite some time. If I could describe how it feels it would be that I am alone, lost inside my thoughts and living inside my head. I am 19 years old and still attending school, yet it feels at times that my life is going nowhere and that I have nobody to confide in or speak to, not even my best friends. Life at home is not like a life at all. I live with my mother who is an alcoholic and my relationship with her is 'robotic' if I may. She has nothing to say to me and likewise I feel no need to communicate with her, especially when shes been drinking. It feels like at times I am going through the motions of how people are supposed to act when all it is I want to do is stay by myself which is the way my life seems to be going. I am constantly lost in my thoughts and barely pay attention to my surroundings or how I may look to others. Many people including my mother and even people I barely know have told me I am always too serious and that I should lighten up and smile more. My relationship with my dad is pretty distant even though i used to see him every second week, but at times it seems I cannot please both of my parents ever. Dating-wise I often feel like I can be easily outdone by other men and I constantly ask myself what i am worth and what I can offer people and moreover myself, yet I come up blank. I honestly do not remember the last time I was truly happy, if ever. I feel like i need to get away from everything and figure myself out but then again, I am terrified to be left alone with my thoughts because I dont think i have the willpower to best the negativity that seems to flow into my mind and actions, and if left alone to brew with them theyd eat be up entirely.

I apologize if my thoughts seem to be scattered, but i feel like its time to get them down and to speak about them without the voice in the back of my head telling me that people will judge me.

Please, healingwell community, ive been struggling with this for a very long time and I want to pick myself up permanently, if you guys have suggestions and advice it is greatly appreciated.

Posted 7/17/2011 10:19 AM (GMT 0)
hi jamie here. you have a lot on your plate. have you thought about seeing a counsellor? can you talk with one at your school? i feel it is important to talk to someone. your dr is a good person to speak with also. i can't say wether it is depression or not, but your doctor certainly can, and can also refer you to suiteable people to help you. try and keep busy, walking helps me, clears the head some. also you can write down your thoughts.......this info can be given to people who are going to help you, i do it, and still do it, even though i am in long term therapy. getting from your head to paper really helps. hoping this helped you a little. with healing compassion, jamie
Posted 7/17/2011 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there and welcome,

Jamie is right. You should see a counselor with all you have on your plate. But I wanted to add that you should try to keep your mind in the moment. Or in the now. Try not to dwell on things from the past or worry about the future, it will be here soon enough. Until you get counseling and then you can structure your life. Best wishes on feeling better.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/17/2011 2:55 PM (GMT 0)
Al Anon for young people who are children of alcoholics is one way to go also, disturbed 19th. You will meet young people who have been through what you are going through and will share all of the difficulty of trying to live with an alcoholic mom.

Psychiatric counseling is the best way to go, but if you haven't the money to pay for it, the second best, in my view, is Al Anon or someone who is a counselor in a church that you know about.

Getting to know people who have been through what you are going through is very helpful because it helps you to understand that you're not alone and that many, many young people are out there who are going through the very same thing you are.

Try one of the suggestions made on the forum, please, and keep knowning that folks here are very helpful and willing to talk whenever you wish.

Take care of yourself first.

It's Genetic
Posted 7/18/2011 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys,

Thanks plenty for the advice, although I still have a few questions (they probably arent questions ha),
So to the point, I am usually also fine with friends outside of my home, but when I shut the door and come back its like the routine over and over again...has this ever been a part of you guys' experiences? And for al anon, my mom used to go then things got better but she fell back into her old habits, unfortunately. How does Al Anon work? I guess I could say im slightly nervous because I dont ever really open up to people...

ps Thanks a million for the speedy replies! It really is uplifting knowing you guys are out there and care and stuff...truly wonderful!
Posted 7/18/2011 3:39 AM (GMT 0)
we are here for you. jamie
Posted 7/18/2011 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
I believe Al Anon is for people dealing with alcoholics, it is a group of people with the same problem and they talk together with structure about the situations. It can also be for people dealing with people on narcotics. Any drug I think. I am not positive. But you will be around people who are going through the same thing as you and you learn how to cope.

Best wishes for your alanon meetings. I hope that they help you.

Hugs, Karen
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