Sad, cant function

Hi - I haven't posted for years because I guess I have felt "okay" but lately I do not feel okay, I feel nothing but sad, useless, stupid, lonely, .... I get no joy out of anything... the only thing that keeps me going are my children and knowing that I have to be here for them. I am married too but that is a dysfunctional relationship, I feel emotionally abused, but I am not sure if its insecurity that makes me feel that... but I dont think so because I sense this abuse all the time and its not just me, I see it in the faces of my kids. I still work 2 jobs, pay the bills, do this and that but I feel increasingly less able to function. I do not have access to any medical care accept county and I tried that for depression but they just rolled their eyes at me, gave me a script for something that made me sleep for 3 days (elavil?) I use (arthritis)/abuse pain killers that I get from other sources to yes, numb myself. Trying to function through various financial issues, operating the house in the red, home mod and maybe foreclosure, other stuff.

So I guess my purpose here is to not feel so alone. I posted allot here years ago, then forgot my login and had to start over just a few years ago so here I am again. I got great support before and honestly this was the only place I ever felt safe for a long time. I have to do this (posting, reading) in secret too, I am sneaking time at work right now, and if I did this at home OMG if my wife found out she would... not be happy, I shudder to think.

So thank you...

Elavil will make you sleepy in the beginning, but then you level out as you get use to it. It takes a couple of weeks. If you go back to county and tell them it made you sleepy, maybe there is a chance that they will give you something else. Can you get counseling through county? It sounds like it would help you.

I sure do hope that you feel better soon. I am sorry that your wife is not supportive of you. But you need to do this for yourself to keep your sanity.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen

Scott: It sounds like you may be having a panic attack in addition to the depression. Which would make sense considering the amount of stress you are under. I am also going through something similar right now with my own home in imminent foreclosure so I understand what this severe, long-standing pressure can do to you.

You mentioned that you have never had this before. I know for myself this was my body's way of "handling" so much ongoing stress and emotions.

I know you are doing what you can to get help, so I have one last item to add that might just help a little more. I don't have health insurance either, and another moderator from this site (Kitt) told us about a way for us to get prescription drugs at a reduced price. It is not a gimmick or a scam. Go to www.needymeds.org and print out the card that looks like an insurance card. Carry it with you whenever you pick up a prescription. Most pharmacies will honor it. It has saved me a considerable amount of money.

Meanwhile, keep posting here whenever you can. We are here for you.

Cass

I checked out moodgym... looks interesting, I recognize the need for help but putting myself out there to ask for it is a thing, I dont know.. I will keep trying... have to get ready for work now and I dread it more than usual ... boss belittled me yesterday, nothing new but it makes it hard the next day.

Karen, the needymed site worked ok for me, I went to look at it. The program is still running.

Sorry things are so hard in your life Scott, I hope you find a way to feel good again soon.

Gem x

I must have typed it in wrong, or maybe needed to refresh the page. I am glad that it is working. I will check mine against yours, I may have written it down wrong, that is me for ya. lol...

We are happy to be here for you Scott. That is what this site is all about. There are many here who care about you.

Hugs, Karen

This is the site that I had, maybe it is too long.   http://www.needymeds.org/drugcard/index.shtml

I see all of it didn't turn blue.  But the blue part should get you there.

 

I went to it and it does. Thank you so much Gems.

Hugs, Karen

Scott: Not being able to focus is from the Depression. In fact that is how I am able to gauge on whether my own is getting better or worst.

I'm glad you were able to print the card out. At this point, anything you can save from prescriptions will be a help.

I don't know if this will work for you, but when I get very overwhelmed or have trouble concentrating I make a list of what I have to do and then break each item down into smaller tasks. I than look at each task individually and keep telling myself I can do that one small task. When it is done I take out a huge red marker and cross it out. ..Crossing it out just makes me feel real good.

I don't know if you have already tried this, but it is a trick that I use to refocus myself. Please know that you are not alone. I am going through this too and I truly understand how you are feeling. It will take time, but you can and will make it through this.

Cass

I hate mornings... I woke up and found a physically comfortable spot but now cant stand being in my head and have to get up... this isnt normal, im so sick of feeling like this it ive tried praying and I just feel cold and sad and I cant believe I have to go try to work again I don't want to feel this or anything right now I just need this to go away I have to dind something to do

What is this dread and panic about now? I feel like something awful is about to happen. someone gave me some xanax, (zaneax?) like 5 pills and suggested I try taking a quarter of one to see if it helps, they said it could make me sleepy so to try the quarter... I know taking others meds isn't what your supposed to do but omg I have to have some relief somewhere, don't know what to do.

I know Karen, but my only option for medical is a county "free clinic" and they just dont take anyone seriously who they think might just be looking for scripts, which is pretty much anyone who goes there in pain or with a emotional/issue, been there, done that with the county. Not that I give up, I just have to keep looking for other places to go, I know of another clinic that I havent tried yet, so maybe I will try there next... just dont know how much $$$

So I went ahead and took the 1/4 xanax and it really seemed to help, I felt sleepy and disconnected for awhile but thats better than how I was feeling before I took it, so I may continue to take the 1/4 tabs as needed,... only have a few so who knows... It actually has kind of worn off now and I feel nervous again, better get back to work.

Umm, just make a list with what you have to do. (Like Cassandra Lee said) Thats if you cannot think straight. (depressive symptom) I've been through all of this and know it all too well.
It stinks having this disorder but we all have to live with it. Don't be dependent on the medicines. There are other things that you may do to help benefit you.

Take for instance, If you have depression and are really sensitive to feelings, Go workout and sweat up a good sweat. I guarantee you will feel better. No sad symptoms will occur. But if you are in such bad shape that the depression doesn't go away because of the major depressive disorder that we face when we hit rock bottom then try writing or doing something that you like. Watch a movie or play a game.

When you hit anxiety thats a whole nother ballpark. Some say its related with depression but not really. Because when you have panic or nervousness your body's rhythm speeds up. But when you have depression your speed slows down. Just have to rely on your medicines for this type of disorder.

Thats all I have to say.
-Hugs Jeff

hang in there scott, we are here for you. jamie