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Posted 8/6/2011 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
So it's another day of laying on the couch worrying and staring at the computer. I am constantly scared I am about to die and this is it. I have that feeling of impending death really really bad, never been like this. What makes it worse is a little over a year ago a friend of mine predicted her own death. She would make comments about what she wanted at her funeral and how she felt she was going to die. A couple of days later she died in a car wreck. Is this how she felt? I see know future, everything is the same and bores me every day. I am so anxious all the time I don't leave the house. I take my medications- Zoloft and Wellbutrin, but they don't seem to work anymore. I have Ativan I am not suppose to take every day. I feel better when I take it, but I will run out soon because I have been taking it everyday and the doctor won't up it because he fears I will get dependent on it. He doesn't understand how bad my anxiety is. I start college in a couple of weeks and I don't really seem to care about it. I haven't seen my therapist in 2 months because he had surgery and has been out of the office. I see him this week again. Sorta looking forward to that because I usually feel more optimistic when I talk to him about things. I am so scared to die but so scared to live. I am not sure I can snap out of this. I don't want to die but it just seems like a black cloud over me. Has anyone felt this way? Please any advice or comments?
Posted 8/6/2011 8:23 PM (GMT 0)
HI SweetNSpunky,

It sounds like you have high anxiety. Why don't you ask about taking xanax. That can be taken as needed or can be taken on a daily basis as I take it. I take it though only if I need it. I could take three a day, but I usually take two. But it can be addictive so I don't know if your doctor will give it to you. But I would really stress how you have been feeling. You might need a medication adjustment.

I have always felt that living is the hard part. I don't go out much either. It is hard for me to just visit friends. So I know how you feel.

I am glad that you have a good therapist. I am sorry that he had to have surgery and you weren't able to see him for awhile. But you will see him soon and make sure you tell him everything that has been going on. Maybe write a list of things so you don't forget anything.

I think your friends death was a coincidence. And yes it is strange that it happened that way. Do try to stay in the moment and take life one day at a time. Worrying about dying isn't living. So put that out of your mind. You will go when it is your time.

Take care, stop worrying.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/6/2011 11:57 PM (GMT 0)
my healing compassionate thoughts i send to ya. jamie.
Posted 8/7/2011 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys for the responses and good thoughts. I will check out the depression links on this site- thank you. I believe I am feeling this way for another reason I haven't admitted to myself. I am unhappy with my life- I am 25 and in a relationship a real relationship for the first time in my life and we live together. I love him, but I feel smothered and like this is it, this is my life. I feel so trapped and cannot talk to anyone about this because I do not want people to know I am second guessing my relationship. Wow that actually felt better to say out loud. Does this mean I want out of this relationship? Wow I cannot even think right right now. At least the impending death has eased just a little I believe. I am a mess!
Posted 8/7/2011 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
I don't necessarily think you want to end the relationship, though you may, and not even realizxe it. But I do think it means you need to get your feelings out. Coming here and witing is so therapeudic. It takes thing off of our chest and out of our minds. Pondering too much isn't good, so write things down. It really helps.

Hugs, Karen
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