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Depressed wife and I are getting divorced

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Posted 7/27/2011 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
I guess the only way to see is to let her do this. If she is depressed, she will be depressed with or with out you. It all seems so final, I know. And I imagine that this is hard for you to watch. But let her try it on her own and see how it goes. She may come back, or you may just remain friends. Remember the good times. Don't look at this with any regrets. It is just one of life's experiences.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/4/2011 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
This sounds like its a rough thing to go thru.
Posted 8/7/2011 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Jordan23, so sorry to hear what you are going thru. I was married to my ex for 7 years before we got divorced 4 years ago, this is the 5th year! I just fell out of love with my ex, cant believe it! I fell in love with him while I was in grade 12, 15 years then, waited for 7 long years and married him while doing my masters. Something went terribly wrong between us and I just fell out of love with him.I dont love him till date and guess can never love him, dont know why, maybe he dint make an effort to make things work even when I cried infront of him and begged him to atleast understand what I was going thru. well, eventually, I just wanted a guy who would care enough for me and thats when I avoided touching him or him touching me and yes, I did most of what you say your wife has been doing lately. I found a guy who really loved me and in my own silly stupid way was trying to preserve myself for this new man. Actually, up on looking back, I dint love the second guy at all, much less than my ex but I was so confused I couldn't tell right from wrong, right from left. I was too hurt and confused and completely lost. We had a 3 yr old daughter by then and my ex took custody of her. In the bargain I have acquired a lot of heart ache and depression! But I just cant go back now. I did a year ago when things were getting done legally, for the sake of my baby, to go and live on his terms. It was too late. I still dont love him. When this new guy came into the picture I started sleeping separately, on the couch and stuff and made sure my ex dint lay a finger on me cause the other guy was a muslim and I would not be able to go to him if I was touched. I know I was being stupid because I really dint love the other man any better! It's too late now. If you love your wife, will you be able to take her back if she came to you? She might not be thinking right just now. In any case dont keep your hopes pinned onto her for she might never come, most women when they say they dont love the man mean it. guys might say in a fit of anger, but a woman thinks things through before she utters, like I did. Did you see any signs of trouble when things started falling apart at first or did you miss reading her sign posts? If your marriage can be salvaged, do try. I thought time would help me love my ex again and moved out temporarily but it dint help, the divorce was signed and stamped by fate!
Posted 8/7/2011 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
In any case Jordan23, I am here for you. I know the pain of it first hand, I have tried moving to a new place, have been forbidden from visiting my girl who'll turn 8 this December, I left when she was 3.5 yrs old and have gone through very difficult times in terms of emotion. Most of it was my fault but I couldnt live in the marriage any longer. But now I know the pain and anytime you need someone to talk to, I am always here for you. I have tried to make things work again but it simply did not work and in the best interest of our lil girl decided she shouldnt be traumatized by my presence, I know it doesnt make sense but sometimes that's how the world operates, I had to leave his hometown for good. He is an excellent father and she loves him and adores him which is comforting. I am still trying to pick up the threads and move on and it is darn difficult, the bouts of depression, thankfully not strong enough to hurt my work, the feeling of failure, the tendency to blame myself and times when I remind myself it was I who destroyed myself and him and my lil girl and it hurts real bad many a time!!! I try to live with it but feelings of guilt and despondency keep coming ever so often and keep pulling me down, like a strong underwater current, knocking the breathe out of me! But I have been thru it and I can help for I know what it feels like now!!! Dont worry, always here for you, a shoulder to cry on if you need one. Take care,
Posted 8/7/2011 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Esem,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Thanks for sharing your story. Feel free to start a thread of your own if you would like to.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/8/2011 5:54 AM (GMT 0)
Jordan,

I read the entire thread and it reminded me too much of what happened to me a few years back. My husband and I were married for about 7 years. For a good part of those years he suffered from depression. For the last year he never even worked. I supported him. He started to get suicidal and take time away. His behaviour was getting very strange. Then one day he told me he couldn`t stand to be around me and was going to file for a divorce. While the divorce news was hard enough to take, he also threatened to take his own life. He was very depressed. He did tell me all this over the phone, he was in another city. I had no way to try and get to him to try and help the man. This tore my heart. I knew he would contact his church, so I went to our local church and let them know his mental state and let it be in their hands. I also contacted my husbands parents. If he tried to actually commit suicide, then I at least told a few people what was going on inside the mans head. Then I had to let him go and let whatever happen, happen. I don`t hold any hard feelings toward my husband for what he did. He was just a very sick man.  I went to counselling. Now I volunteer and have and even better job!

It is going to be one of the hardest things you are going to go through....but you can do it Jordan! Remember to look after yourself...first!

Posted 8/8/2011 7:36 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Karen.
hugs, Esem
Posted 4/25/2012 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jordan,
My husband and I separated 7 months ago, after 24 yrs together, and im a mess. Hes moving on while im broken.. Im been battling severe depression , and trying medications- it takes a while to get the right one and appropriate dosage- give it time. I can tell you that my emotions and feelings are off center- im sure your wife will achieve more clarity with time
Posted 4/25/2012 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Brenda,

Welcome to the depression forum. You are posting on some old threads and I think you might get better responses if you were to start a new thread of your own about yourself. If that is what you want, responses that is...

I hope that things work out for you. Counseling could help if you want to try that. What you are going through must be hard. Keep fighting. Don't give up...

Hugs, Karen
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