One big mess.

I don't know how to cope with the feelings that I am having right now. I need to talk to someone, but the three people that I socialize with are all upset with me at the moment. I have no friends other than these three, therefore no one to talk to, so I guess I will try this forum.

First, some background info so you all know where this is stemming from:
I moved back to my small hometown in January, and have been having trouble readjusting. I have no friends left here; the three that I talk to are my sister and her two best friends. I had trouble finding a job when I moved back and am now in a state of financial trouble. I left my boyfriend over a year ago and have not gone on one single date, let alone been asked on one. I have also gained about 30 pounds in that year. I am going back to school to get my Bachelors Degree, and I just turned 27 years old. I suffer constant humiliation because I can't control my emotions because I feel so terrible about everything. I have also managed to upset everyone that I care about to the point that they are in tears or so angry with me that they don't want to talk to me. They have all forgiven me, which is good. I am at a point right now where I just don't know what more to do. I am seeing a therapist, but I am not sure if it is helping. I am stuck in a dark place right now and I don't know how to get out of it. I'm completely lost. I feel so alone. I don't think I should have moved back here and I feel that everyone had a better life before I did. I feel like such an awful person; that I am nothing but trouble for the people around me.

I know that there are people who are way worse off than I am, and that I should be thankful for what I have, and I am, but there are more dark spots right now than bright ones. If anyone has any advice or kind words to spare or anything at all, I would greatly appreciate it. Maybe one of you can see where the problem is since I can't.


Thank you.

I try to dwell on the positives, but it seems like the negatives end up taking over. It's hard to forgive myself, because I know that I shouldn't have done what I did, and I did it anyway. I feel like I need to remove myself from these people's lives, and I mean that in the way that I need to move out of my sister's house and slowly back out of their lives. It seems like everyone was happier when there was 200 miles in between us.