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hello..Just joined. I am lonely.

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Posted 8/14/2011 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi stillme .. sorry to here your day is bad so far but I will say a few things that might help ..

I just cleaned the kitchen and washed the dishes and made me feel like I am getting things done. I have recycling to sort out but im gonna do that in the morning .. I put off jobs like this when Im down but I write lists and then tick all the things i get done and makes me feel like I can then relax and do things that I want to do. I think getting on with things clears the mind and I tell myself I have been good in getting things done.

I also avoid things like reading my mail .. I found some mail in my room from a few years ago unopened .. but i try to do these things.

if my room is a mess I feel horrible. could you move your room around or change it somehow and get it super nice and tidy ? I have fairy lights in mine and a nice lamp .. and I like to burn incense so it feels all nice.

maybe doing somthing to your room will make you feel better? you'll feel good after getting it all nice and then you have a lovely place to hide away from the bad feelings. I am going to tidy my room now :)
Posted 8/14/2011 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
also when I used to see a therapist she told me to think or remember a time when I felt safe and strong .. .. then she said any time you feel scared think of that feeling and sqeeze your thumb and finger together .

then when I have to leave the house I think of this and do this and it reminds me of when I feel strong .. the thumb and finger thing is a way of telling the mind that that feeling means that thought of safety .. so you learn to accept this way as a way of feeling stronger.

have you got a thought or something that gives you strength ?
Posted 8/14/2011 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Stillme,

I truly hope that your day gets better. Try to go with the flow. Maybe some peaceful music is in order. Something soothing.

Take care, feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/14/2011 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
Totoro-
That sounds interesting about your music-writing for safety sounds like a good idea. I've played different instruments, but I've never been able to write music-I think it's awesome that you have that skill and gift. I'm gald you slept well; I did as well :) How do you do with people one-on-one? I've been doing OK today; I did some grocery shopping, did the dishes and now I need to work on laundry and organizing my room. I do usually feel better when my room is nicely organized but I rarely do it.
Stillme-I'm sorry you are having a rough day. My counselor and I have talked about things I can do for comfort when feeling lonely or down instead of some of the bad habits I have developed lately. Have you thought about different things in your life that may help when you're feeling down? Different ideas I've had are journalling, going for a walk, taking a bath, reading a good book, calling a friend... I wonder if that may help to have a list of activities that may help turn you around. I hope your day improves. Take care of yourself stillme...there are people that care about you.
Posted 8/14/2011 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi sue .. I felt a bit upset when you said I am hard to follow but I know you dont mean any thing bad! .. but I try my best to interact and im a bit bad at it :(

I start university again in september ..its summer break now.. if I dont need to be up in the morning then I dont need to go to bed at the right time.

I have nightmares every night and I get scared that if I get into bed I will spend a couple hours just thinking of nasty things .. if i am awake and busy I wont think of horrible things. it takes me about 2 hours to get to sleep i dont know if thats normal .. and I hate waking up ... when I wake up I feel adrenaline running though me like ive been attacked in my sleep

I have been writing music for a few hours and its made me a bit tear full. I miss my mum I think i'll ask her to pick me up tomorrow
Posted 8/15/2011 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks all for hoping my day would get better. Well, I went out with a couple of friends for dinner. I felt ready to cry the whole time. All I could think about was getting home, taking my medicine and getting in the bed. For some reason the medicine doesn't make me as drowsy as it did in the beginning. That's a bad thing, because it takes me a long time to fall asleep.

Totoro, I hate that you have those nightmares every night. You can't be getting enough rest. Especially because it takes you so long to fall asleep.

Kaleighah, I am going to try writing down my thoughts. Actually, first I better write down some happy things. I can use them SueTho to try with the CBT.

Right now all I can think of is the losing the one I love and wanting that person to take me back. It consumes me. It grieves me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I am still so in love. It hurts so bad.
Posted 8/15/2011 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Kaleighah82: what instruments can you play? I am not so good at actual instruments .. well I can play guitar and piano but its nothing special like my programming on the computer. I am good one to one .. I miss candice .. i had to move away tho but she keeps asking me when I am going back to her .. I hope after uni i am going to save all my money for moving back to be best friends again. I am glad you have got some stuff done.. good for you! :)

stillme: its ok dont worry about my nightmares .. I forget about them soon after i wake up but first thing its not very nice. I will tell you something a bit silly .. I hug a teddy when i go to sleep .. i have had it since i was born .. i thought it was a bit strange but my family think its sweet so i guess its ok. I feel like I can hug it and feel less heartbroken. I love animals so much .. could you get a pet? if you take care and love a bunny or somthing you will feel good. in fact i have read a lot of things about animals helping people with depression. like the statistics .. people who have pet dogs are generally more happy in life.

SueTho: hey , its ok .. i understand .. I sometimes get offended when its just my misunderstanding. I will look into CBT ..thank you. I found your message informative thank you. its 3:34AM here now. the thought of going to sleep makes me feel bad.. but I will try... and i will get up if i cant sleep for a while. do you think it would be ok to have many many power naps? I feel like if i have 20 mins through out the night it might be a good compromise .. do you think that is ok? or is that still not good for me?
sorry to hear about the 7 hour anxiety trying to sleep .. must be awfull.

to all: keeping this window open as i make music here at my desk makes me feel like i am not so alone so thank you :)
Posted 8/15/2011 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
Totoro
I've played piano, clarinet, xylophone and tambourine :) I no longer play any however. Do you live with your parents? You mentioned having your mom pick you up, so I wondered. I also feel for you about your nightmares. I can definitely understand your not wanting to sleep! I'm not an expert on sleep, but I would think that many power naps are not adequate. I think part of what we need in sleep is all the differerent stages which happen throughout the whole sleep (like there are four or so different stages, and it takes hours to get through them all; not just minutes) so it's not good if we never get all the stages and each time we fall asleep we start over at the first stage. Again, I'm not an expert; that's just what I've understood. Who's Candice? What do you have planned for tomorrow?
Stillme-I hope writing down your thoughts is helpful for you. That would be good if you could use them with CBT if that works for you. Do you have different hobbies that you enjoy? Even though it doesn't sound as though you had a lot of fun with your friends at dinner, I'm glad you went out with them. I'm glad you have friends that are hanging around with you and that you were able to get out and do something besides just sit at home. Sometimes sitting at home is all I want to do; but it is typically better in the long run for me to get out and do something. So what are you doing tomorrow stillme? I hope you have a good day. Thinking of you-
Posted 8/15/2011 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
Kaleighah

I dont live with my parents. they dont understand my depression and say i am too hard to live with. I just thought of asking her to come get me ..but it might be a bad idea.

yeah i think proper sleep is needed .. its hard tho.

candice is a friend I used to live with in england. I am living in wales at the moment. she was angry at me for moving away and it nearly stoped us from being friends she felt like I abandoned her. I think I did to be honest. I dont laugh with any much but i do with her.

I am waiting for the shop to open so I can go on a walk , stretch my legs and buy somthing nice to eat. its 5:46 AM at the moment .. i am very pleased about my music the last few hours.


why dont you play piano anymore ? I am going to start guitar again as a hobby.
Posted 8/15/2011 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
i am too old to live with my parents any way .. but somtimes I want to have to be there cos its safe.

last year I moved to this place and it was terrible .. i was being sexualy harassed and i had no idea what to do .. i had no where else to live at the time and when i told the landlord the whole house stoped talking to me cos they said i was cuasing trouble. we had a few drug addits there too. and one time these thugs broke in and threatened me if i didnt tell them where their drugs had gone .. turned out one of the drug adits got into trouble with them which brought trouble to the house.

I got a job and I was having panic attacks while i was working and i had to quit .. and all the customers apparently from the boss said they complaied about me and that i am useless.


I decided to go to university and moved again. but in this new house this guy was hassling me .. he kept telling me stuff like im gonna fail uni and that im too depressed to make it in the music industry. he started prank calling my friends after he stole my phone and he called my mum at 3 am pretending to be me. and he made a fake profile of and added people pretending to be me. so i had to move again and i am now here .. its been 2 weeks so far and i like it here.
Posted 8/15/2011 6:32 AM (GMT 0)
wow thank you that has really put my mind at rest about it .. i am such a worrier i thought id just drop dead if i didnt sleep properly !

I heard a quote earlier on this video i watched about sound waves ..

"YOU know your self much better than any one else because you are who you are - dont ever let anybody think they know how you need to be - you know best for your self"

now... I have confusion .. does that mean if i feel strongly .. if i have no doubt about myself .. then I should be that way?

but my family are so cruel to me .. they said I am a freak .. so they act like they know who i am more than i do.. but i go crazy at what they say to me and makes me think that i have to do what they tell me cos I cant look after myself

what do you think ?
Posted 8/15/2011 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
i take anti psychotics (olanzapine). I am hard to follow cos my mind is that of table tennis game with people who cant play it well. to tell if my thoughts are true or not is to create a unified reality.I doubt every thing i think .."chronic anxiety" the doctor tells me. The psychiatrist said i am too clever and i make my life interesting through untrue thoughts as i am too bored for this world.

i just want to be able to function without feeling like i am destroying myself with my own mind. and i dont want any one to think badly of me. i try so hard and i feel like i fail more times than the times i try.
Posted 8/16/2011 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
I think your family is cruel too. I guess they find it hard to understand. I used to play the piano and clarinet. I don't play anything now. The mind is something isn't it. I wish I could control it. However, too weak right now.
Posted 8/16/2011 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Still me: yeah they make me feel bad when I am down but when I am ok they treat me normal. i do love them.
Could you start piano or clarinet again? I am here to talk to .. talk to me what you are feeling now if you like :)
Posted 8/16/2011 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
Don't worry if you get confused sometimes and people can't follow you. Just keep posting what you feel. You will eventually find clarity. Do you ever journal? That is a way to collect your thoughts and make sense out of them. I think often people like us think too much. When we need to be living it. Many questions when you are young. They come to you as you age. But don't spend your whole life searching, often the answers are right in front of us. We just can't see them.

Keep posting and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/17/2011 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks karren .. my doctor has referred me to an autism place to get a possible diagnoses. I rang the help line they told me late diagnosis can lead to depression and panic attacks. I hope i do have aspergers because then i will know why i find it so hard to interact with people. and i might know then that I struggle because of it

I cried on the phone to them saying that I didn't know some one could understand like they could. that i really dont like talking it makes me stressed to have to talk to people even tho i want to.
Posted 8/17/2011 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
It is frustrating when you know something is wrong but don't know why. If the diagnosis is correct then you won't have to be anxious about why you feel the wa you do. I am going back and forth to all kinds of specialists and we haven't pin pointed why I'm having some of my health problems.

about the instruments, perhaps I could get back into the piano. But, I don't reallyhave the desire to do anything at all.
Posted 8/17/2011 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
when I used to have no interest in anything .. i would make a list of things todo and do them even tho all i wanted to do was sleep. then after they were all done I felt i could then do nothing and i felt more energised after
Posted 8/17/2011 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
That is cool Totoro, I never get my list finished. lol... But I try. And I do stay busy.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/18/2011 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Totoro,

I need to make a list then. Because ALL I want to do is lay down. So many good things to try. I get really motivated when I read them, but can't seem to do any of it after. Oh well. Have you made your appointment yet. Be sure to let us know the outcome.
Posted 8/18/2011 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
stillme.. I remember when I was like that .. its so hard. but I forced my self to do things and it helped after. and also some exercise really helps. I know its hard to do these things but they WILL help you.

I dont have an appointment yet I am waiting.

I have been getting a lot of sleep the last couple days which I guess its good .. but its been during the day.
Posted 8/18/2011 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
and I know its hard to do anything and this seems too simple to work but watching a film can take your mind of everything for a bit. I have just started watching things again and it helps.
Posted 8/19/2011 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
I like movies. I can't focus on a book right now, I tried. I wish I could really implement all of these good strategies. But my mind and heart can't stay focused.

I'm glad you are getting some good sleep. Get as much as you can. Are you feeling better with the added rest?
Posted 8/19/2011 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
yes I am. I have started taking more of my night time medication. 20 mg instead of 10mg and i have been able to sleep.

the hardest thing is starting these things to get better but fight few the first 3 days and by the 4th you will start to be normal again with activities .. it normally takes me 3 days to get back into life after avoiding everything
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