not sure

hi im fetty and im not realy sure were this post would go so ill start here.

reading the other post seems kinda pointless now but here gose.

i have been feeling depressed for some time now not realy sure when it started i think it started when my dad commeted suicide but it kinda seems a little more down the line but not realy sure.yesterday i got up at 5pm way to late i know i cant realy help it its my moms bday today btw and idk how to aprouch it. i called the suicide hotline just to talk to some one telling them that im not at that stage yet i guess and all they realy said to help me is bake my mom a cake for her b-day sounds awsome and wish i had the time. so little back ground is im 20 years old dont have much of any thing realy lived on my own for maybe 2 years and now back at my moms house cause couldnt afford to live on my own any more had maybe but 3 suitable girlfreinds in mylife and blew them all away for some dumb reasons. no job going on like 4 years now how ive stayed afloat dont realy know. im on the edge of being a aclky possible or already am one accepance is the first step they say i am if i am i wont dout it. i guess my descaise is achole. ive been throw 3 or more treatments, and still seem to drink like i am now i took my step dads bottle and gulped it away no more.. ive been on anti depression meds before and all i can say for those are they made me more socail and a little more energized but i have stoped them for quite some time now. and i feel fine without them or back to what i was before i was on them. theres not realy a question in there i realize now but thanks for reading

(forgot to add last night i slept for about 12 hours but before that i think it was 3days no sleep)

Post Edited (Fetty) : 8/26/2011 9:56:38 AM (GMT-6)

Ya alcohol has played a big part in my life and were i am today honistly i wish i was one of those kids when i was younger that said no to every thing you know... but i wasnt i was that dumb ***.... but i have been to treatment for it and have quit for a every long time almost a year the first time i stoped drinking i know some way i always relaps as they say but i dont think its realy that love the feeling and love getting away but hate the long affect not like hang over ive never realy had one that lasted longer then a glass of water, and still working on that b-day.