HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Depression and relationships

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/2/2011 5:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys,

I was diagnosed with Dysthymic Depression a about a month ago. Prior to my diagnosis I was in a long term relationship with a wonderful girl. We were very in love and things were going well. I began to change though, maybe 7 or 8 months in. I eventually ruined the relationship with my depression. I tried to drink feelings away which we all know is not a good idea at all. I got help but was skeptical about the medicine at first so I was on and off of it for 2 months. My relationship was good but became on and off when i started to change. It did a lot of damage to my ex but we still love eachother a lot. Is anyone else in a similar situation like this? has anyone made something like this work after coming out of depression?
Posted 11/2/2011 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
I don't mean to double post but it's a bit of a long story but it anyone would like to help or has any insight i will tell what happened. it's hard to lose something so special knowing that it's your fault. i've been dealing with a lot of feelings of self loathing and disappointment. i genuinely miss her and love her with my whole heart. i have come out of my depression but i still feel lost without her, we dated 16 months. i've learned a lot in the 2 months we have been apart, i can fix the problems that i caused.
Posted 11/2/2011 9:41 AM (GMT 0)
hi mook, jamie here,

i am very glad that you have been working on your situation. what is her current feelings towards where you guys are at? this is critical. it has to be worked on together if you guys are to stand a chance. with healing compassion~ jamie.

keep strong.
Posted 11/2/2011 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
sorry-just waking up but welcome to our house!!

Jamie is right (as usual_lol) if your ex is truly not interested, you'll need to back off and get healthy and prove that you have done the hard work
I know you are feeling an indefinable hurt..so bad it gets a physical, chemical reaction. My prayers are with you and hope things work out

Start taking meds, if it is dysthymia, you will probably get off them eventually but take them religiously. Someone told me"never date someone with more problems than you have" maybe cruel but true...try to clear this depression up and go back and try again

Good luck and keep us posted
Posted 11/2/2011 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
I'm currently on meds and seeing a psychiatrist bi-weekly. my ex is hesitant to let me back in, which i can understand. she was with me through some of the hardest times in my life and we still fell in love. i'm closing the chapter of my life when i am depressed though, i'm committed to my meds and therapy and have realized i have a great support network in my friends and family which i never took advantage of before. she says that she doesn't regret taking me back when we would break up before. i just want the opportunity to show her that i've came out of the depression clean with a new perspective and i want to treat her how she deserves to be treated. the love is still there between us.
Posted 11/2/2011 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck to you Mook. I hope that things work out for you. You are trying and that is what counts. Work on you. Then think about relationships after.

Best wishes, Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/2/2011 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
I know people who have been in situations similar to yours and saw things work out in the end, but it took a lot of time and hard work. I have also seen cases where despite the best efforts it just wasn't meant to be.

Karen has given the best advice at this point. Concentrate on you. Get your life in order, be happy with who you are and with your life. Once you do that then what ever God/destiny/etc has in store for you will be made known and then you will be able to take full advantage of all the gifts you have and will get down the road of life.
Posted 11/2/2011 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, we have been apart for about 2 months now. I've been working on myself, I've had slip-ups, but I am back on track. I wish there was something I could say to make her see that my actions weren't a direct reflection of me without sounding like I'm making excuses. I wish she could understand what I was going through and that I didn't mean to hurt her. It's very difficult knowing that I'm getting better but my mistakes while I was depressed still haunt me.
Posted 11/2/2011 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
We all have slip ups too Mook. Just keep trying, one day at a time. You will get there and we will help you. Keep posting. Know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/14/2011 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
You might still have hope with this relationship, but try to learn from it. Depression cost me my marriage. I was in a serious funk and I never took the proper steps to fix the problem and more issues compounded from it. I made my wife miserable for a good year - she was lonely, felt unwanted and I caused her to suffer emotional and physical neglect. It was not my intention to hurt her, obviously; oh, and we did go through a rough patch where some bad things were said to each other, again though, we never resolved it. This ate at her and ate her - even when I realized what I did, I stopped, but we never resolved anything. When it was clear what had happened and she simply moved out, it was too late. It was like trying to put a band-aid on a deep laceration, it was too late, the wound was too big.

So, of course I slipped into depression, even further once again. This time I am doing something about it - it is of course taking longer than I'd like and today I'm having a bad day, which is my fault. I decided to drink with some buddies yesterday and was out later than I'd like (I'm on a Welbutrin Celexa combo) so I am paying for it today - I'm getting sidetracked, but there is a point, it won't happen over night. I thought I was getting better, and I have, but its a long way to go. You will feel the same, but as people are telling you fix yourself first.

I wish I did it back when I was married - there is a chance I still would've got divorced, but at least it would've been a decision that we would've came to together, most likely through some therapy.

I hope this helps..like I said we all have our good and bad days.
Posted 11/14/2011 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, Mook, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

The more I talk to people regarding depression and bipolar illnes, Mook,
the more I see that alcohol plays a very large part in the problems with
anger, deepening depression, and inability to stop drinking, as well as negative thinking and acting in regard to people close to one.

Are you going to Alcoholics Anonymous to find a real solution to the drinking dilemma? Those people are experts at teaching what you should expect and how to arrest the illness. (There is no cure for it; one can only remain healthy by refusing the first drink.)

I see that you're seeing a psychiatrist:excellent. Keep it up and stop
the use of caffeine, as well.

Both alcohol and caffeine make depression worse (and bipolar illness, as well.) Please read ruthwhalen.com/caffeine to learn more about a sensitivity to caffeine and the injury it can cause over years of indulgence. My psychiatrist is the one who warned me about them and advised me never to use either.

These specialists are right about the things they tell you that can make your illness worse. Eliminating those two things will go a long, long way in improving your feeling tone sooner than meds alone.


Take good care of yourself, and I hope the answers will come soon for
your happy ending.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 11/14/2011 3:03:30 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/14/2011 8:52 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome JayP

Didn't want to think we didn't see you
Thanks for thepost...keep coming back

Maggie
Posted 11/14/2011 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi JayP,

And welcome to the forum. If you drink, expect to be depressed. Alcohol is a depressant and makes you feel worse once the effects wear off. Not to mention the hangover. I drink very seldom. I use to drink daily but lost the desire for it. I am lucky to finish one beer.

I hope that you feel better soon. Please do feel free to start a thread of your own to introduce yourself. You will most likely get more responses than tagging on somebody elses thread.

Keep posting, know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/14/2011 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry if it looked that way...I purposely kept it short to avoid that...the drinking thing was me getting sidetracked and to also show a point that we all have and will have bad days trying to get better.  My response was made because I can completely relate to this subject, like I said, depression destroyed my marriage - maybe even depression from both of us.

My opinion, you should go to therapy when your in a relationship, first, when things are actually good (or appear good) to prepare yourself for the bad.  Unfortunately, when we go to school no one teaches us how to be in a relationship.

Posted 11/14/2011 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mook,

I don't know if I have help or insight, but many people in this forum do... they have helped me a lot! It is very admirable that you have taken control of your situation. Do not forget that we all make mistakes. Mistakes are unplanned and unexpected; if they were thought out actions, they would be more like intentions.

I would like to hear your story if you want to share. I am in a sticky situation and I like to listen (well, really read) about others... helps take the focus off of me :)

You sound very positive about your personal outlook and with your relationship... that's wonderful! Everyone here is really great, especially on tough days.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply