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Posted 3/21/2005 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
 

I'm so tired of crying and feeling depressed all the time, every morning when I get up I tell myself your going to have a good day today, "no crying". All I have to do is get up and shower and the crying starts its so fustrating, I want to feel like me again and enjoy the things I used too. I see my therapist tomorrow I am hoping she changes my meds or adds something to the ones I am on because this is nuts. I am also in group therapy and usually after that I feel not to bad for the rest of the day and than the next day comes and back to square one again. I thought by now I would be at least showing some signs of improvement. Anyone have any advice on how to cope with this?

Thanks

Krista

 

Posted 3/21/2005 11:23 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Krista,

Well, it seems to be a long road for some of us and, there can be what I call Rabbit Trails, off to the side once in a while.

I do find that setting Attainable Goals is a major portion of my attitude.  I keep them in reason.  I know that I will probably cry daily and, that it's ok because crying is a safety valve.

The secret to this is to be patient.  You didn't become depressed in one instant, it was building for a while.  Likewise, it will take a little bit to come out of it.

Do what you can each day and there will come a better day.

Posted 3/23/2005 6:13 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Krista,

I know what you are going through. I used to cry almost every day and it seems I felt nothing but sadness. Trust me when I tell you that it does get better. Through this suffering you will gain priceless wisdom. Are you currently taking medication? If so which one(s)? I am taking Cymbalta and that seems to be working well. I hope that you feel better soon.

Posted 3/23/2005 11:10 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks Raindance and jersey2 for the kind words of encouragement. I am taking Remeron and the doctor just added Cephelor (sp) its a new drug out but I take it with the remeron, I just started it  this morning so I guess its going to take a bit to really see the affects.

The know eventually the depression will lift but there are days like today when I feel that the crying will never end and I will feel like this forever. I am in therapy one on one and than I also do group therapy but again I have just started this so I guess time will tell.

Thanks guys for your support it really helps to know there are people that understand how you are feeling...

Thanks again

Krista

Posted 3/23/2005 11:37 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Krista,

Keep me posted on how you're feeling. I've never heard of those medications. Are they considered mood stabilizers? How long have you been depressed? ~ Jersey 2

Posted 3/24/2005 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hi Jersey2

I started to suffer with depression about 5 years ago when my 20 year marriage ended, I took counselling and used meds and for the last 3 years have been doing well. But a month ago I ended a 2 year relationship and now my depression is back.

I find that I have good days and bad days, this hasn't been a very good week I find that I just seem to go thru the functions of the day I know its going to take a bit for the new drug to work but I keep thinking its another day closer to that happening. I'm not sure what kind of antidepressants they are I know when it finally kicked in it did help my mood.

Keeping fingers crossed to a better day..

Krista

 

Posted 3/24/2005 6:38 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Krista,

I started suffering from depression in my early teens. This was 13 years ago. I was hospitalized three times when I was 16 and 17 because I felt suicidal. I used to cut myself and I also overdosed on different pills a couple of times. The past 10 years have been very unstable for me. It is such a relief to FINALLY feel a sense of peace. The Cymbalta has helped significantly. I have tried MANY different medications. I used to cry almost every day. (and PMS was HELL) I can't explain how content it makes me feel to just be able to get through the day without crying or feeling very sad. Are you working now? I know that if a person has too much time to think that can make depression worse. Thanks for the reply,

Jersey 2

Posted 3/24/2005 9:34 PM (GMT 0)

Jersey2

I can't wait to get to that point where I feel peace each day instead of getting up and crying and feeling down all day. I don't work I have alot of trouble with my stomach and have been on disability since 1996, your right when you have to much time on your hands you think to much. I try to keep busy when I can if I'm feeling up to it. I went to the movies this afternoon with my gf and mom, I find thru the week I am busy with appts etc but the weekends I find long.

Sounds like you have come a long way Jersey, congrats! Its not easy dealing with depression esp when people don't understand they think you can just snap out of it. 

Take care

Krista

Posted 3/25/2005 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Jersey2

Just adding my 2 cents here. When I first realized I needed help, and now know that the depressions was years long, not days or months, I was told to try to find some positive in each day. Not to look for the whole day to be good but only bits here and there.

When I first started, it was really difficult to do so. I found I was still telling myself that the whole day would be good rather than look for little tiny things that were good in it. When something difficult came along, or I wanted to cry, I still felt like the whole day was a bad one. I started to keep a pocket journal and write down the positive things that happened that day as they occured rather than trying to recall from memory. When I would look at the journal before going to bed, I saw that there were more good things going on than I remembered.

Good luck in finding the answers you are looking for.
Posted 3/25/2005 5:25 PM (GMT 0)

Cheer Dad,

Hello. Thank you for the input. For many years I saw everything in a "dark" way. Everything I looked at appeared sad. I still feel that way sometimes, but thankfully my mood changes. I feel that we are all brought to a difficult point so that we can know what true peace is. I can truly appreciate being able to simply get through every day now because I used to cry so much. Thanks again, Jersey 2

Posted 3/25/2005 5:33 PM (GMT 0)

Krista

Hello. I hope you're feeling all right today. It is good that you try to keep busy during the week. I know that it can feel lonely when others don't understand the moods that you're in. Believe me, if we could "snap out of it" we would! Going to school a couple of nights a week helps me to keep busy. I also volunteered at the animal shelter for a while. Sometimes I would cry when I was there but being around the animals and other people helped me out of the mood. Do you write a journal? I know that helps too. You will be able to see how you're progressing.

~Jersey 2

Posted 3/26/2005 11:14 AM (GMT 0)
Krista

Hey! For the most part I know how you feel. I wasn't in a 20 year relationship or anything, in fact I'm only 21 now. But I know how it feels to cry every day and not even know the reason for the tears. I know how it feels to wonder why you're here and where you belong. I know feelings of lonliness and sadness; feelings of hurt and pain. I almost feel a hatred for the reflection that stares back at me. I wish I had some great advice to give you, but if I had the answers I wouldn't feel this way myself. What I can say is that for what it's worth I'm pulling for you. I hope that things start looking up for you. Take it a day at a time, a minute at a time, even a second at a time if you need to. The first step is admitting that you are depressed and from what I see, you've done that. Take care of yourself and don't give up. You can do this, we can do this. <3
Posted 3/26/2005 1:42 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks Cincygirl for the kind words, it does help to know that people do understand. The doctor has added a new drug to the one I am already taking and I know that it takes awhile for the drug to start working but I just wish it would hurry up! I hate this down, weepy feeling everyday when I wake up I never know what I am going to feel like. Some days I wake up and feel its going to be a great day, than half way thru the day I get that scared and down weepy feeling and the crying starts again.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Krista

Posted 3/30/2005 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
I feel horrible when I get up in the morning...probably has a bit to do with the fact I sleep very little do to the insomnia and rumination of what caused my full blown depression. I feel paralyzed and have missed quite a bit of school in the past 2 months. I never missed classes and now I dread every moment of the day sometimes. I also have to see my ex (reason why Im depressed) at school, and I know shes happy and does not want any contact with me whatsoever. I cant blame her the breakup was 100% my fault, and this just adds to my depression; losing her and knowing I caused so much pain and hurt. So Krista, I know exactly how you feel; hopeless and afraid to face the day or do anything sometimes. I know it will take more time for my meds to help out, only been on them 3 wks, but I really hope this doesnt screw up my entire life/career. So I hope, and Im seeing a therapist and I try to keep busy with schoolwork and exercise..I dunno what to tell ya other than I feel probably just as bad as you do right now.
Posted 3/31/2005 1:29 PM (GMT 0)

Hiya Darkcloud22

Thanks for the kind words, depression just sucks glad to hear you are in counselling. I am in group counselling and one on one but its only been a month but I do feel its helping me.

I also take two different antidepressant but one she just started last week so it really hasn't had a chance to kick in yet. I can imagine its hard facing your X at school but at least you are staying with it and that is a good thing.

How long were you married? Do you have any kids? You said it was all your fault if you don't mind me asking what happened?

Take care

krista

Posted 3/31/2005 3:17 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Dark Cloud,

I know that life's ups and downs are tough enough and when you're depressed as well you don't feel the strength to go through anything. Trust me, things will get better. I'm not sure how old you are but I know that my teens and early twenties were hell. I was terribly insecure and sad. But because of this I now can feel true peace at times. This experience will give you so much strength. Let me know how you're doing.

Jersey 2

Posted 4/1/2005 2:34 AM (GMT 0)

:-)  Hey there,

My name is Margo.  I am not one to talk cause I have the uncontrolable fits myself.  I do know that it is easier for me when I do not put so much pressure on the crying.  tell yourself it is ok to be sad.  I find myself hiddingin the bathroom crying.  You see I work and live at home with my husband and brother in law and home school my daughter so privacy is out.  I remember family leaving from a visit recently.  I cried like a baby.  My Sister, brother in law, niece and nephew said no crying.  Why not.  it is only normal.  you are going through more than most ever will.  I know how you feel.  I am off meds and looking to go back on.  Every little thing has me upset.  I want to find an island all to myself, but I know I am not the only one who feels this way.  You are stronger than you think.  I have faith in you.  Life is too short.  Anything that makes you happy that doesn't hurt others, do it.  I sit and play the same song over and over agin on my CD player.  Just a song that makes me feel better.  No one else hears it. No one else needs to know.  It is mine.  For me.  Hold something special in your hand.  Maybe keep it in your pocket.  A rock suck as a rock I found at my father's grave.  I feel the tears come and I rub it between my fingers.  Look.  I know you feel Yuck, but you are special.  I know it just as I know I am.  We just have a hard time feeling it.  Too much emotion.  I guess it could be worse. My husband doesn't feel his.  He cannot conect with them.  Please feel free to emal me if you wish.  [email protected].

you take care and do what it takes to be happy in this world... 

even if it means emailing a stranger.  I will not judge you.  I to have problems and have to seek a Doctor for relief.

Margo (Someone Who Cares If You Are Happy)

Posted 4/1/2005 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
o, i wasnt married, though I seriously pictured her as my wife; we were together 3 years and Im 25. I realize now how many risk factors were present that I just ignored that set me up for this crisis situation. I just ran red lights thinking I could get away with it, so i almost feel justice is served by me suffering now. Its been about 2 months and I feel Im gettin to the point where I can start to improve and maybe even move on, but every day I still have moments where I just abhor myself and think what kind of monster, what kind of cold hearted person was I to treat her that way? even if we werent meant to be, you have to treat people who you have relationships with with respect and I did not do that at all. on its face the relationship was amazing, but I lied to her many times and cheated as well. I still dont know why, maybe fear of committment, maybe not thinking I deserved her, maybe just cause I was a weak person with no integrity. Whatever it was, I have to change my ways. I will never ever treat someone that way again I know that...I just want to get to the point where I get another chance with someone new.
Posted 4/6/2005 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Krista ????????

Hey Darkcloud ???????

I am new to this forum (but not to HealingWell) and I was reading through the most recent posts. Wondering how you are each doing???

Krista, I hope your new meds are helping and that your counseling is going well. Sounds like you got some good advice above from others . . . but seems like once we have some small successes things start to get better each day.

Cloud . . . you have made a huge step in identifying a need for change . . if you journal your feelings right now, you can check up on yourself some time from now to remind yourself of your commitment. I am not much for journalling but when I do, it is amazing to look at those words after some time has passed.

Would love to hear from each of you. . . success or no. It does seem to help to vent.

Blessings!
Posted 4/6/2005 6:10 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Alwaysrosie

Nice to meet you, thank you for asking about me. The meds are starting to kick in now we just upped one of the meds another 5, I'm not crying all the time like I was and I don't feel so down all the time either. But I am still having bad days where my anxiety is high so having anxiety attacks but the doc said upping the meds another 5 will ease off the anxiety attacks and hopefully make me more stable. I am in one on one couselling with the therapist plus I am in group therapy there is about 6 of us and two counsellors and I really enjoy the group.

I will be glad when this depression lifts it sucks big time.

The weather is getting nicer now so that helps to be able to get out and walk and work around the yard.

Thanks

Krista

Posted 4/6/2005 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Krista,

I'm so glad you posted. Yes . . . the sunny weather and longer days ARE helpful. I'm glad that you found good counseling and group therapy. I hope that between the higher dose of med, some time for it to work, and the therapy, that you'll be feeling like yourself again soon.

Keep us posted. We really do care!!

If you find something especially meaningful in therepy . . . we'd love it if you would post . . . it might be helpful to lots of us. Thanks.

Blessings!
Posted 4/9/2005 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Krista,

I have been reading the posts from your strands and this group is so wise.  I hope your medication continues to work... Sometimes my medication works a couple of months than out of no where I will have an episode.  It get so frusturating that I want to just scream.

I wish that we both find that place of peace of mind.  I have had mild depression on and off my whole life until three years ago when I have had some very severe depressive episodes.  I have been in therapy and taking medications(many different combos) since.  I feel like I am on the road to recovery, its just sometimes it can seem so long.

Hope you are doing well.

Posted 4/9/2005 6:24 PM (GMT 0)
I am new to the depression thing. I feel kind of panicky when I have to be away from my home because of the hell Ive been through with Crohns and I have a constant fear that everything will come back. Before I had my surgery I thought I was dealing with everything pretty well, but afterwards I found myself crying at the weirdest things. Ive only cried a few times in my adult life before and it was usually when I knew I was going to be away from my fiance (now my wife) for months while I went out to sea.

I have cried during a few movies, most were not really sad movies either... and I cried when I watched a football game, because I know I will not be able to do that again in my life. I go to the gym again to try and keep healthy but every time I go I end up running to the restroom... very frustrating.

Anyways, I am waiting for the meds to kick in and trying to keep a positive outlook on things, it is really hard sometimes and I find it hard to concentrate. I hope everyone else out there is doing the same and trying to keep their head up. It is tough.
Posted 4/9/2005 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hello D-Rule,

Thanks for expressing all of that sooo well. With chronic illness, we have to go through the stages of grieving, just as though someone died. Fact is, our old self HAS died. We go through denial, blame, anger, and acceptance . . . you are describing your grieving process. You need to allow yourself to feel all of these feelings and then move on to acceptance. You WILL find a NEW you!! I have found some activities that I am really enjoying. . . but it takes time to adjust and initially you aren't really sure where you ultimately will fit in as far as physical ability. I still try to stretch my physical abilities, but am much more accepting of what I can't do anymore.

Oh . . . and having guys posting on this board is so great!!! Because I think it is even harder for a man to accept this type of loss.

Blessings!
Posted 4/9/2005 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with you Rosie. Trying to find the new you can be challenging because there are parts that you long to have again but sometimes like being more active is a much harder than it used to be.  Sometimes the more I know about myself and the false beliefs that I have lived with in my life the more I go through all of those emotions.  Anyone who has this belief that therapy is for the weak is so wrong.  Being in therapy is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life.  I know there will be a pay off I just got to keep hanging in there.  That can be challenging when I am in the midst of an episode.

Meanwhile it is one step in front of the other. Holding on to that belief that this will get better.

Do you think that you have found the new you?  My therapist is always reminding me to accept my limitations.

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