I'm new here/holiday depression

Hello, Temdr, I've been through a similar situation, so I know how you feel.

First, there's an old expression that applies: "when you love something enough to let it go, it always comes back to you." Secondly, it isn't that your sons intentionally wanted to hurt you; they have not lived long enough to know how to understand your position at this point in your life. It's more of an unawareness than anything. And, too, you have been through grief and are still in one of its stages, so it would help you if you could realize that
experience is the thing that will help them to appreciate your situation.

I would try to do some volunteer work that will put you in contact with new people with whom you might build lasting friendships. There are more lonely people out there than you can ever know. Get active again in doing for others and your own needs will be 50% met, as well. Keep the doors open for your sons, in addition, forgiving them for their ignorance of your loneliness. 

If you need medication to help with the depression, please don't hesitate to ask your doctor for a proper prescription. That may help ease your transition back into a part-time volunteer position for your health. If you don't want to volunteer for work, try something like this forum for posting to others who have a problem similar to yours. You could be of great value particularly to those who are on the Alzheimer's Forum since you've lived through that with a relative. These care-givers always appreciate helpful advice about the illness.

Take care,and welcome to the Depression Forum; please continue to post as you wish. People here are compassionate and know your dilemma and will try to help.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 11/25/2011 2:36:49 PM (GMT-7)

Thank you for your replies. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

Some more information for you. I have been in counseling with the same therapist for the past 5 years. This was invaluable to me as I was going through my losses. I also see a psychiatrist regularly. I am on medications. I have been diagnosed with chronic depression, bipolar type 2, and panic/anxiety disorder. So, pretty much, I am a mental health mess.

I am unable to go to the grocery store (have my groceries delivered). I cannot handle places like Target or Walmart because of the crowds. I shop online for things I need. This has been a problem for many, many years. When my sons were little, I hid and faked it for them. It was only when their were in their late teens that I began educating them about this. They have attended a therapy session with me as well as an appt. with my personal physician. Through these discussions, the importance of family support was stressed. So, it isn't like they don't know.

Because of my mental health issues, I have lost my 12-year career as an elementary teacher. I would love to volunteer, but the thought of going somewhere crowded sends me into a panic. I'm not there yet.

As for forgiving my sons for their selfish behavior, I am not there yet either. There have been other times when I am in crisis and I have reached out to them (I don't have anyone else), and they throw it in my face. Saying that I am bothering them and why I am doing this to "them".

So...I have the message now. I am alone in this fight and will find a way to move about life without their support. As long as I am in the comfort of my little apartment with my cute dog, I feel safe.

Again...thanks for the opportunity to reach out here.

I don't think you should cut them out of your life, even if you aren't ready to forgive. If things turn around for you in a few weeks, months, or years, it'll get harder as time passes to rebuild your relationship with them. Things will change as they get older. Young men have difficulty expressing emotions because it is not typically socially acceptable for them to do so. If they have not experienced depression themselves, it will be even harder for them to understand and respond the way you want them to.

I've ruined a few relationships with past boyfriends because I wanted more support from them than they were realistically able to give. I've learned that I need to have another support network that understands what I'm going through so I'm not putting all of the baggage into my relationship. This might be similar to what is happening for you. Your children should certainly be there for you, but considering they are young men and in their early 20's, it's going to be a rough couple of years until they settle down and can understand you and life in general better than they do now.

If you are not ready for work or volunteering, then reaching out online to gain some support and make new friendships is great. You have somewhere else to turn besides your sons, so you will never feel alone and unsupported. I really hope things get better for you. Just take one day at a time, and like Karen said, baby steps are key.

I am sorry that this is happening to you. But try not to let it get you down. They are young and immature. What comes around, goes around. The same will happen tto them with their children in the future.

Forgiving is the best thing to try to do. It cleanses us. Even if you think you don't deserve to. Life is so short. There isn't time for grudges and hatered. The girlfriend will come around once she has children of her own. At least give them until their 30's to understand. They are so young yet. You are a good mother. You are wise. I think you can forgive and forget.

IF you decide to just forget, know we are still here behind you. And we are supporting you.

Hugs, Karen

Hello all, not much advise from me as I cannot help my own depression. A long time ago I learnt to forgive others, this is hard but after a while it is easy you just letgo. I no I had to forgive others as when I felt angry and upset my stomache would churn, I would get pain in the stomache and have to continually take antacids. I guess this made me realise I was hurting myself. I have not learnt how to forgive myself, this is my problem. Sorry, not much help from me.