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Does depression ever end.....

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Posted 4/10/2005 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, Cloudy . . . I think I have found the new me. It is still a project in the making, but I had a very hard time accepting that I would have to give up backpacking. It was a super motivation for exercise for me. There may come a day when I can do it again, but for now I am limited to about 1/3 mile with no pack. I do, however, plan to set some goals and try to work up to it. What I have finally accepted is that I may never get to the point where I can be so physical again. I am 52 years old and I had planned to try the Appalation trail when I retired. I did get as far as 11 miles a day with a 35 lb pack and sleeping in a tent on the ground . . . I LOVED IT!!

Now I have found some quiet activities out of the sun (I have an autoimmune disease where my antibodies attack me as well as attacking germs - the sun and physical activity can activate your immune system so I get sick when I spend time in the sun or get too active)

That's right Cloudy . . . one step at a time is the only way to accomplish any goal! and therepy is HARD work. One of the best things about aging is that I care less and less what other people think. I do what I need to do to make my life work. . . . if other people think I am lazy or faking . . . that is their problem. I'm just blessed, lucky, and happy that my husband is understanding.

This forum is very helpful for me too.

Blessings!
Posted 4/10/2005 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Honestly,

I think I am still in denial. Is fighting it with every fibre of your being denial? Well, that is me. Even during the most painful flare ups I was still going to work until I was hospitalized and I would still go to the gym and try and get a workout in, even if it was torture.

I know my limitations but I refuse to accept it. I think that is the hardest thign for me because I keep letting this defeat me, but I can't stop trying. My most depressed moments are when I flat out have no energy and have no fight left in me. I hate having the weight gain from the prednisone. It bothered me so much I felt like tearing my own skin off- that is how it feels sometimes anyways, this frustration that I am disgusted with my body. If I didnt have my wife supporting me, I think I would have self destructed by now.

Thanks for listening to my ranting. I did manage to force in a workout today- didnt do anything else all day, but I did work out. I makes me feel a little better. I think the prozac gives me a little extra energy- makes me kinda twitchy.
Posted 4/10/2005 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hello D-Rule,

I think I remember you saying that you have Chrons Disease. Is Chrons an autoimmune disease???? Because if it is and you are overdoing emotionally or physically, you could be triggering a worse flare. I have an autoimmune disease and when i push too hard, I pay for days after. Doc confirmed it when I talked to him . . . he said that the extra activity turns on your immune system and in someone who has auto-immune probs, that is not a good thing.

Does that make any sense to you??? In Lupus Forum, we always say, "pace yourself" as needed. Well, I used to push, push, push and it DOES make you sick. Maybe you need to give yourself permission to heal and then gradually add in the workouts???
Posted 4/10/2005 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Rosie,

That may be good advice. My doctor said I can do whatever activity I felt up to doing. He has only put restrictions on me when I am first out of a hospitalization. He will tell me I need light duty and no lifting/jogging along with some other things.
I know I should go easier on myself. I should listen to my own thoughts, but I would rather get myself in shape again and then take a rest. maybe not the guy I used to be, but within 15lbs anyways would be nice. Not to mention better for my health and stamina.
Posted 4/10/2005 5:11 AM (GMT 0)
Rosie,

Thank you for your response

 

I think that accepting limitations can be difficult especially if you have been trying to please people in your life or trying to get approval for a long time. I have done that for a long time and have paid the price of that.  I am learning (very slowly) that I don't need to do that to be cared for but I think I must be crazy because that thought never crossed my mind until now in my 30's.  I am what you would call a very late bloomer who has made some incredibly stupid decisions that I need to learn to let go.

I do hope that I will get to where you are Rosie.  I'm a little insecure about even hoping for that but I want to live with truth.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Posted 4/10/2005 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Cloudy . . . I have found myself pretending to be what I want to be. Sometimes it works! If I practice new coping skills by pretending, it eventually becomes a habit. I am a people pleaser as well. But when I learned to set boundaries for how much I could give . . . people respected that and it became easier to say no when I needed to.

D-Rule . . . I do hope that works for you! It took a long time for me to allow myself time for physical healing.

Blessings!
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