HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

In denial

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 12/27/2011 10:22 PM (GMT 0)

Hello all, this is my first post and I am new here to the forums.

I have been divorced for four years now and I have been in denial ever since. I have spent about eight years with my ex-husband who he frequently cheated on me with. What I have been doing is forgetting about everything that ever happened and shuving it under the carpet. All kinds of emotions are coming up for me now about everything that happened in my marriage. After my divorce (and as I forgot about everything that happened) I got into a "rebound" relationship with another man and I got a pretty big bruise from him too. Unfortunately I did not tell him that I was going through a separation/divorce because I didn't really know what I was doing or how to handle any of this. I am in denial because I have not dealt with any of my emotional issues from my ex-husband, whom he left me for another woman. I don't know how to handle my emotions I have been just leaving it alone and not dealing with it. sad

Posted 12/27/2011 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lovelight,

Welcome to the forum. I think that many people can relate with not knowing how to handle emotions. I have gotten myself back into therapy for the past 3 months because my emotions overwhelmed me and I didn't know how to start sorting through them. Have you considered counseling? Talking it out does help, but like my therapist says, talking is only part of it. We have to learn to deal.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this great pain. I am sure you feel overwhelmed since you have been trying to avoid it for so long. Cheating can really take a beating on you... make you feel worthless, insignificant. You remember that you ARE worth it and you ARE very significant.

How do you feel about the rebound relationship? I have been having a tough time with relationships and I'm learning that until we really take care of ourselves, I don't really think relationships will be what we want them to be. Are you ready to deal with the things that have bothered you?

I think that you can handle this. I bet you don't want to handle it sometimes because you know how badly memories and feelings may hurt you, but it shouldn't weigh you down any longer. I hope that you can find some comfort. We are here for you.

Courtney
Posted 12/27/2011 11:16 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Courtney, thank you so much for my wonderful comment! I have been seeing a regular therapist for awhile now. I have been working on the rebound relationship because my old friend whom I was seeing sexually abused me for a long time so I am dealing with that on top of my divorce. Cheating really does take a beating on you. I appreciate you telling me that I am worth it! That is so sweet. Relationships are definetly not what we want them to be, that's for sure. I am ready to deal with these emotions etc. I am now dealing with a mental illness called Schizoaffective disorder which is a form of Schizofrenia. Life has been very challenging for me and I don't know how much more I can take, lol. I believe I am handeling this quite well. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Thank you!  :-)   

Lovelight

Posted 12/27/2011 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
One thing to try to keep in mind that your "injuries" did not happen overnight and they are not going to heal overnight either. You have received repetitive traumas to your psyche and just like repetitive physical injuries the more often a part is hurt the longer it can and often does take it to heal and even after it seems to have healed it is often prone to being easily hurt for a time.

Keep up with your therapy and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it yet. You need time to deal and heal so take that time, no matter how long it takes and no matter how hard it seems it is worth it.
Posted 12/27/2011 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Jim, that has been a great reminder that healing does not happen over night in fact it's just beginning for me. Thank you so much! :-)
Posted 12/27/2011 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lovelight,

I wanted to welcome you to the forum. I think that Courtney gave you some good advice and I also think you are handling this well. Don't feel bad for not facing things. You did what you had to do at that time to survive. We all cope in different ways. I tend to ignore things too. Especially ones that aren't worth worrying about. I just act as if it didn't happen. It works for me. At the time.

But as you know, if it is significant in your life, eventually you will have to deal with it, but do it on your terms.
Gradually is good. One day at a time... We are all a work in progress and it takes time to do things.

Best wishes to you...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/28/2011 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Karen, thank you so much for the warm welcome. I appreciate the warm comment. I have been going through a lot and it's nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you so much. Lisa
Posted 12/28/2011 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lisa,

I hope that things get easier for you. Keep posting and know that we all care. The forum is kind of slow since the holidays, but gradually there will be even more people for you to talk to and get support.

Always remember, one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply