My Life, by Beagleman

Hello all, Hello Karen, my sister Heather spoke to me on the telephone yesterday and she had a look at my posts and she was remarkably impressed by you. She said you are a very good moderator, show a lot of kindness and empathy. I agree with her and hopefully next year I will not have to keep posting about myself and help others as you have helped me so much.

stephen

Stephen,

Thank you so much for saying this. It makes me feel soo good. You are a work in progress as all of us are. When you are ready to help others, you will. But focus on you for now, and take it one day at a time. You have really come a long ways. Keep trying, never give up.

Thank you too Maggie.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Stephen,

It sounds like you had an enjoyable day. I am very happy for you. It is so nice to be able to connect with family and friends at this time of year. The pavlova sounds absolutely yummy! I will have to try it someday. I will look it up on the internet and find out where you can get it. I don't know if it is something that people eat here or not. Never heard of it, but maybe have. It sounds familiar. And it sounds good. I love Kiwi and strawbetties.

I am having Christmas now. We had a wonderful time opening gifts and now we are cooking dinner. Smells good.

Have a great day...

Hugs, Karen

Hello all, I visited my sister yesterday. This was a boxing day family get together. It was good but I did feel the odd man out as all people there were married. I know i shouldn't feel this way but I still do. Maybe next year, after all my efforts, prayers, good works, I will get a relationship.

My immediate efforts efforts now are about builing my confidence, self esteem and independence. When I achieve these goals others will see I have much to offer. I know I have more tenacity than most, to keep trying despite major sadness, little reward for my efforts, I know many others would give up in despair.

I am now reading the bible I came across the 30 wise saying in proverbs chapter 22. The bible is very challenging and inspirational, and there is much to be learnt about forgiveness and tollerance. What I have learnt many will say they are good christians, give to charity, very forgiving, but cant forgive their family for some indescretion, I challenge all to do this, you need to let go of any animosity or hate and you will feel much better. I wish I had the wisdom to help myself.

Karen, you are wise, you have experience, you have love, you are good. I am yet to have experience, I must learn to be worthwhile, fundamentally my social skills are nothing with no one accepting me. I may never be accepted by woman, or just friends, not many can accept someone like me with no experience, it just isn't acceptable.

Wow, wouldn't it be great to experience a relationship, a simple pleasure for the wise. I wish I could learn to be worthwhile like others. What is so bad is I try so hard, my efforts would equal what others would do in 10 years, I realy try so hard.

I have no experience, I just have efforts, I try so so hard and have no reward. I reallyy do want experience, I really do want it, I know I am being rejected it is not me rejecting others, I realy want to connect, my lack of experience is not through lack of effort. I feel like the guy who will never get a job because he has no experience, so he is not worthwhile.

Sorry, I read other posts about religion, people say they pray. I will never post on religion, church or share anything like this. I know it is hard for people to take me seriously as my posts would seem not credible to most, but everythng I have posted is true

Hello all, yes I am very depressed today. I am going to read my book by stephen king (11.22.63) after this post. I feel ashamed of myself as I thought I was much better but know I must focuss on my positives and stop allowing my depression to pull me down.

I have done so much this year but in a second I reject it. Ok my positives must be my holiday tomorrow, this is an achievement. Also improving myself despite so much misery, this takes great determination. I will succeed, i will never give up, I have learnt this in a book, my mind is trying to pull me down but I wont give up. Also thanks to all, especially Karen, I will be on my holiday tomorrow, I will try and share some photos of my holiday somehow, you people have been very good to me, I am sorry I have been so down today.

Stephen,

Don't beat yourself up for having a bad day. We all have them. Some post about it, and some don't. I am glad that you did. You have come such a long ways. I am glad. It makes me feel good that you are actually getting help from the forum. Many of us here really like you a lot. Remember that. You are our special member. It takes time, and it takes time to be able to experience things. This will happen. Maybe you should step back for a few days and just breathe. Look at the situation, but give yourself a rest. You have been trying hard for a long time. Feel the benifits of it. Look at where you were a couple of months ago compared to where you are now. Feel the relief of not having to try so hard just to connect. You have come a long way. It may take awhile to see that. But you will.

Keep posting and getting it out. That is healthy for you.

Hugs, Karen

I am sure that your coworker didn't mean anything by the comment. You can take it two ways such as "why aren't you married (yet)? Or "why aren't you married (because you are a good catch)? So I don't think that they meant anything bad by it. But when we are feeling self conscious, we only recognize the pesimistic side of it. So don't let it bother you too much.

I am glad you are getting help from reading. We all should do that. I don't read nearly enough. That is the bad thing. I could learn so much from it.

I hope that you are having a good day today Stephen.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

Stephen,

Was this the same girl that you have spoken to in the coffee shop before? I think maybe you should focus on the event that someone spoke to you and wanted to know about your Christmas... You are learning lots of things about life and yourself. Your journey will be hard at times, and today may be one of those times. People speak to you because they are looking for interaction as well.

I'm telling you friend... it will all work out like it should. It's tough being patient. Sometimes, I lose my patience and I just want to throw a fit! For whatever reason, these things take time. It just works that way...

Maybe reading will help?

P.S. I agree with Karen... lots of people ask me why I am not married or in a position to get married at this point and I take it as a compliment... like they just can't believe someone hasn't "taken me off the market". I think you should think of it this way too :)

hello Karen, look I do not know how to interact with woman when looking for a relationship. Yes I can talk small talk and have learnt nothing about live but how to stay alone. Wow, patience, if patience is learning how to accept being alone this is tough. No singles seem to respond to my posts, but this is not unusual as being single all your life is lonely and sad.

Learning, I have not learned a single thing woman want in men. I hear the cliches, be yourself, your worthwhile, if you never get a relationship it is woman that are missing out. I am so easy, I will love a woman, respect them, treat them so well, but the door remains closed. Woman out there that are single please tell me why you reject men so much.

For next year my target is to get friends through my local church. Maybe this will help, certainly it will help me socially, look everyone, I try so hard to improve, many others would have given up but not me. I hope one day someone out there will see me as truly a gift, and be amazed how someone like me could be rejected by so many for so long for no reason.

If I have learnt anything in life it is to take action, I can say this is what i have learnt and no one can take this away from me. I have also learnt to keep trying despite depression and despair, and even acknowledge my efforts are much more than others who dont have such misery in their lives. I have also learnt to acknowledge encouragement, and realise I cannot beat my depression alone, and learn to share with others some of my life which I have been so very ashamed of.

Well I find your ability to write it all out fascinating, and I, unfortunately have a terrible time interacting with people and always have. Started when I was a rather shy child then several traumas in early years (may blab about those, one day-every detail may increase the way people understand you) then horrible bullying in my early teens finally I reached a state where I was unable to carry on any conversation with people I didn't know at all which made my High School years and college years pure hell. But I've always thought that my dateless lack of romance was because of shyness so painful I couldn't talk. So I couldn't ask for a date or even say anything and (talk about pathetic) I actually froze up and couldn't answer when a girl actually asked me out. (I rather thought she was kidding or out of her mind, the least popular nerd--me!) But I think things are all related and the shyness caused my chronic depression and the unhappy depression made me shyer and withdrawal made it all worse. I don't think I have any answers----I'm still shy at 75. On the other hand, I was lucky and when I was 36 a professors daughter, herself painfully lonely, grabbed me one night at work and said,'"Are you going to take me out or not?"We went out on a Wednesday, she moved in Saturday and we have been together 40 years but I would not advise waiting for luck. Tears, by the way are a safety valve I think, and keep you from exploding when you are full of pain, otherwise you might choke-never hold them back. Weedy

So glad to hear you are enjoying yourself Stephen, you deserve to relax and have some fun!!!

Never feel ashamed of your feelings, they are yours and they are important. My sister says tears are a gift and I believe that. Where would we be if wee could not cry?? It makes us human...so don't beat up yourself

Hope you have a grand time on holiday-keep us posted

Maggie