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Posted 12/28/2011 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Having a rather bad set-to, nothing new, just the latest in a lot of years of chronic depression dating back almost seventy years. I am seventy five and have been depressed most of my life. I stubbornly, (and probably stupidly) refuse medication, though my Doc has been pushing it for over fifteen years. Winter is a bad time because when Spring arrives I can get out and garden which tends to keep me a little bit sane, I'm not sure it's SAD just holidays and cold and chronic lows. Not altogether sure I want to try a forum but I need something and therapy is not practical right now.I chew therapists up and spit them out so it's probably not a good idea anyway, since I don't know what my goals might be right now anyway.Having family problems right now too, but that's another story and I better try and figure out what I want to say tonight. I have a beautiful wife-that's one plus at least--our Doc told her she was a beautiful woman and asked her if I ever told her that and the which said only when he wants something---I could of smacked her,, but she really is. At least she is a constant in my life. I have two sons, one a recovered alcoholic the other a high functioning autistic who is driving me nuts right now-another problem I shall have to talk about if I stay.Right now I am exhausted because I was awake all last night so I am going to try to get to bed and sleep tonight. More whining tomorrow maybe. Weedy
Posted 12/28/2011 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you decided to post. It's a start, and it is never too late to start working toward getting better.

Seeing the good in your life is also a good sign - knowing your wife is beautiful, your sons seem to be doing well (despite driving you nuts! But that's what we all do sometimes). My attitude on medication keeps changing - started on it when I was a teenager, turned against it for a few years, and now I'm on Zoloft again. I don't believe medication is the answer for everyone, but for some it may help.

I hope you keep posting. Sometimes it's a huge help just to get things off our chest in an anonymous forum. Everyone is here to help, listen to, and support you.
Posted 12/28/2011 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
we are here for you weedy. with healing compassion to you. jamie.
Posted 12/28/2011 6:50 AM (GMT 0)
You came to the right place weeedy. This forum is one of the pieces in my healing process. My therapist and psych dr will mention this group, as I have told both of them how supportive everyone is. Sit down for a while, make yourself comfortable. Welcome.
Posted 12/28/2011 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Weedy,

We can sure relate to what you are saying. Trying different meds is hard. It takes awhile to find what is going to work for us. I think you came to a good place, though we deffinately can't take the place of a therapist, but we can be here for you.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. We will do our best to help you. You are facing a lot of challenges, and it is only natural to be over whelmed.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/28/2011 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all--I am still trying to find my way about the site--forgive me if I fumble. I will probably talk (write) your ear off when I get started.-------------------------------Weedy
Posted 12/28/2011 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
It is basically pretty easy once you get the hang of it. We love when people post. So post away!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/29/2011 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
No sooner off the darn computer than I'm on it again--and I was over seventy when we bought it and I still have my doubts! It snowed for the first time this year and my 37 year old son with some form of developmental diagnosis (depending on what some agency uses to get funding, I think) got himself downtown and I had to go pick him up, driving on icy roads and terrified. Then my anxiety caused me to lose my temper and snap at him so now I feel guilty as well as afraid of driving. So now I feel like bawling and it's not his fault---not good for chronic depression but you gotta do what you gotta do. All that needs to happen now is to kick up the chronic back pain and end up back on hydrocodone to which I get all to fond, plus skelaxin which busts the budget.The back pain is strange. For years I hardly dared lift a balloon and if I sneezed it could set off months of pain and therapy and spasms. The last set -to a couple of years ago lasted for months and the pain radiated all over and I needed to walk with a stick from the beaver dam and hang onto the car door when I got in it. Then the November before last the pain quit and I didn't need more than an occasional tylenol. Then , last Spring I went trout fishing while She Who thinks she must be listened to sat upstream in a park and read. I slipped on wet grass, landed on my R ribs and was back on pain med. Doc told her get large birthday cake, put 75 candles on it make him count them and blow them out and repeat I am seventy five NOT twenty five. I was not amused especially when I remember lying on a creek bank trying to decide weather to call for help on my cell phone or crawl up the bank. Decided it was all too embarassing so crawled up the bank on hands and knees. What a life. ( I hope I'm not getting a bit manic on top of everything else.) Weedy
Posted 12/29/2011 1:31 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry to hear about your back troubles =( I had a pretty botched up back surgery to have a tumor removed when I was a kid and I have scoliosis due to lack of rehabilitation from that surgery, but my back pain fluctuates with my mood - when I'm upset and stressed out the pain is worse. No matter how often we experience pain, it seems we can never get used to it.
Posted 12/29/2011 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
I have fibro, so I understand chronic pain. My back, hips and legs ache today. It is probably 0 degrees out right now. Looks cold. I don't know. Your'e darned if you do and darned if you don't sometimes.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/29/2011 10:25 PM (GMT 0)
Bad day--feel like I'm sinking. Some idiot on a local news forum is harassing me on the net by putting my name in his stupid posts and scaring the wits out of us. I know from experience that calling the police in this town is about like looking for a therapist--you call and call and get palmed off and made to feel like an idiot yourself, plus I don't want to start a feud of some kind if it's a neighbor. I'm about half sick, that kind of anxious discomfort when your anxious and depressed and actually feel it physically, don't know what to do. It's sort of like when your a kid and getting bullied and don't know where to turn and really I think it is the same thing--someone deliberately doing something over and over and you have no one to defend you. I haven't felt this bad in a long while. I've lived in peace out here for thirty years and never had this sort of thing happen. I'm beginning to hate the internet. While I feel safe on this forum, these anonymous cyber bullies can leave you so frightened. Weedy
Posted 12/29/2011 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
Can you stay away from the forum until the idiot calms down and leaves you alone? I wouldn't go to that forum anymore. It will just bring you down. You are safe here, nobody is going to bother you. Can you talk to a moderator on that forum or administrator? I am sorry that this is happening. Forums are suppose to be for support and healthy interaction. But some aren't monitored as well as others.

I hope that things get better for you soon. I am sorry your police aren't any help. I know how that goes.

Take care, feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/31/2011 3:56 PM (GMT 0)
Augh!! Still having that awful sick feeling like a chill just feeling like something awful is about to happen, a feeling of anxiety, dread, fear--I tell myself it will pass and then maybe I can explore some of the things in my life that caused it, but it just hangs on. Usually I can tell myself this too will pass, and, of course everything does, but this is a nasty recurrence, will try exercise, used to walk miles when this happened, sit in the sun if we ever get any, having difficulty finding words too, but that is just old age. It is a pain when you suddenly can't think of a word even though it's more or less normal in old age And then remember the word and find that you seem to have relearned it. Well---breakfast---and try to get back on the blasted diabetic diet before my A1c goes through the roof. Weedy
Posted 12/31/2011 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
Yes Weedy, diet is so important. It plays a huge role in how we feel. Too much sugar and carbs can put us in a funk. I hope that you feel better soon. I lose words, and blame fibrofog. I hope that you feel better soon. Mine is old agee too.. But fibrofog sounds better. lol...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/31/2011 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Well it's odd, and I sometimes wonder what I am whining about compared to others who have worse problems. In the process of trying to count my blessings. My wife just decided to make soup, so together we got out the Christmas ham and I chopped it up and she started a kettle of split pea soup, both of us working together. And it's New Years, we can at least have a nice evening. Of course, in about two seconds I can ruin it for myself---should we really try to pick a date for changes in our life or will we fail and feel worse, what's going to happen in the future--we have no one else and we are aging. You would think I have enough real present problems without glooming about the future. My 37 year old son is sitting on the sofa sour and depressed and trying to inflict it on the rest of us. I will be glad when I take him to work and don't have to hold my tongue to avoid a tantrum from him. Meanwhile he is sighing like hurrcane and looking sour and my wife is afraid of his tantrums. Rats! I started out trying to feel better!! Weedy
Posted 12/31/2011 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
I think you will feel better once he is gone to work. Sour grapes. That is what I call it. You and your wife can resume cooking pea soup. Make the most of the evening with her. My hubby got us a bottle of Bailey's Irish Creme. We will have a drink tonight, the rest will probably be drank with my coffee. I like Kaluah, but will do the Irish Creme. We can make the most of a bad situation. It can be done.

Don't think your issues are lesser than others. They are all important. Being depressed is the pits. But together we can rise above it. Keep posting and vent when needed.

I hope you have a wonderful new years. Take it one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen
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