I think I'm depressed!!

Was searching info on depression and came across this site, I decided to join as to get some advice so please bear w/me so i can give you a little history. I am a 47y/o female,live in a very isolated area in the Western US ( nearest shopping areas 100 miles either direction) been here for 4 years only b/c my yougest son 17 wants to graduate from this school. In the meantime Ive been here... can't hold a job very long simply due to the fact of the distance, at least I think thats the reason:( past year or so just have no energy for anything. My house is a disaster, takes me all to wash dishes, dont care how I look, all I can do is just sit on the couch and watch tv or some other meaningless activity. I was started on Paxil about 14 years ago for horrible panic attacks, but I still have generalized anxiety. Went to see the NP about my lack of energy about a year ago and she just checked my thyroid level ( that came back fine) but nothing else was suggested. about a month ago I found a job 57 miles one way, so I took it.. very stressful in the health industry, it seemed my energy picked up had a reason to get up in the mornings, but like i said very stressful, mind is constantly racing all day at the end of the day I am worn out literally. Woke up Monday morning and just couldn't make myself go in to work so i called in, then called in for today, just makes me ill to think about going back and I want to quit... i am so ashamed for the way i feel, just dont know what to do:(

Hi noanswers and welcome to the site!

I don't know that I can give you any answers or am in any position to give advice, but I can relate to much of your story. I have panic disorder with agoraphobia and have recently been officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder, dysthymia and schizoid personality disorder. I too, used to be on Paxil but it eventually pooped out on my:( Doing just about anything takes monumental effort. I will be in the kitchen to get something to eat or to wash the dishes and decide I'd rather just lay down on the floor my energy is so low.

If you think you are suffering from depression, your best option would be to get diagnosed by a psychologist or psychiatrist. But from the sounds of it, you are certainly in a depressed state.

Common behaviours to depression are lack of motivation (i.e., going to work, getting out of bed, doing household chores, etc.). Some other symptoms are low mood almost every day for at least two weeks, lack of interest in activities you used to enjoy, weight loss or gain of about 5% of your body weight, sleep problems, sluggishness or muscle tension nearly everyday, fatigue or low energy almost daily, low self-esteem or self-worth, and having trouble concentrating. There are others, but that should give you an idea. Depression is also often co-morbid with anxiety disorder. If any of this sounds familiar, I would urge you to seek counselling.

Long commutes and high pressure jobs can certainly add to both anxiety and depression and I don't wonder why you would want to quit. I recently quit my job for similar reasons - although I think in my case it was the agoraphobia that was doing me in.

Until you can get the professional help you need, there are plenty of good self-help workbooks on the market. If you have the energy to at least read, it can at least help you get some perspective on your situation.

If where you live really is an issue to how you are currently feeling, I hope for your sake your son graduates soon.

You have no reason to feel ashamed for the way you feel. You are doing your best under the circumstances and depression can be very debilitating. I am happy you have found this forum as it is a very warm, welcoming place where you can get plenty of support.

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with my own depression so I can't give you much insight as to what to do. But now that you have reached out, I'm sure everyone here will have your back and have plenty of tips on how to cope. They seemed to have welcomed me and I'm not the most likeable sort of person (please do not contradict me on this;)).

Best of luck and I hope you feel better soon,

DarkWolf

Thank you DarkWolf,
I'm sorry you feel this same way but glad I'm not alone. Well Iv'e got all the symptoms of depression for sure:( thank you for the kind words, i am glad i found this forum


Best of luck to you to,

noanswers

Hi there,

And welcome to the forum...

You have gotten some very good advice.  Especially with the advice on self help books.  There is one called "feeling good" by Dr. David Burns.  It is very helpful.  It has a lot to do with cognative behavioral therapy.  Which is very helpful.

Since you are so far from everything I am going to give you a couple of free online sites...

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I have heard that moodgym is pretty good.

It does sound like you have all the classic symptoms of depression.  How much longer does your son have to go to school.  It might be more practical at some point to move even though he would like to finish at the school he has been going to.  For your sanity.  To make it more convenient on you. 

In the meantime keep posting.  You have come to a good place.

Hugs, Karen

I'm sorry to hear your day sucked, bayoub2. Be comforted that you are not alone in that;)

DW

Maggie,

What do you mean your counselor dropped you? Did this just happen? What was their reasoning?

Let me know. I was suppose to see my psychologist today but the roads were bad. My husband wouldn't let me go. And everybody else was worried so I didn't. Now I have to wait until the 16th. I hope that the weather is good then.

Keep us posted. Let me know about the counselor thing.

Hugs, Karen